Despite previous post, I’m going to keep my sparkle chin up and enjoy my favorite holiday the best I can. S is coming so I’m excited about that. Check in Monday because I will be posting pictures of our costumes. As you all know pictures of real life and my face and things are not the norm around these parts. Mostly because I’m a beast and I just don’t love you enough.
Spooky Confession Friday!!
L: in my old apartment I was awoken, I would say about 75 times or so in the two years I lived there, to my bed shaking profusely. Nothing else in my room would be shaking, and it was shaking so crazy that it would wake my sleeping ass up. Then, I would lay in bed, holding myself completely still, and wait until the shaking bed episode stopped. This could take up to ten minutes at times. Eventually I tried yelling “STOP” during a shaking incident and lo and behold, the damn bed just stopped shaking. This I would say, was even scarier than the random bed shaking. Amanda tells me that my old room was where Edward Drinker Cope died an agonizing death. (my building is actually on his Wiki page!)
S: I peed at Dewey Beach on the rooftop of a bar and it trickled down in between the steps on people’s heads. The cops came. They gave me a citation and I DENIED DENIED DENIED that I would EVER pee on a roof top. Are htey crazy? Do they think I AM crazy? And then I cried. And then Ben Chando walked me to get pizza and it was all better…with a public urination citation in-tow. (MODG note: Not spooky S but funny)
J: One year for Halloween I dressed up as a teenage mutant ninja turtle. After much consumption and going home with an anonymous I had to do my walk of shame. Being as all I had to dress myself with was green spandex, a huge shell, and various ninja apparel I decided I would go home the quickest and what I believed to be most inconspicuous way home- through a small park. As I’m trekking through a small pond wiping the green smudge face paint out of my eyes I look up to see a super cute family having a picnic in the park. The children scream as they see a giant turtle emerging from the banks of the stream, the parents worried and confused, people walking their dogs, jogging through the park gawk at me.
K: One year for Halloween my sorority sisters and I had the awesome idea to be flashers. I decided to wear a thin small nude colored tank top, little lace boyshorts (because who is really going to be seeing under my trench coat for that long?) and a huge trench coat. We head down to bourbon street and begin to consume huge quantities of hurricanes and hand grenade drinks (If you’ve ever been down to New Orleans, then you know what I am talking about- 8 shots of grain liquor in 1 beverage) Drunkenly I start to hit on my friend Chuck, screaming at him because he isn’t interested in me, “Chuck, why won’t you f*ck me Chuck, why won’t you f*ck me?!?!”. Chuck and all my other friends run away, leaving me by myself, I manage to lose my trench coat, wandering down bourbon more naked than the strippers, an officer stops me for indecent exposure and drives me back to campus in his cop car. I end up spending the night sleeping on a bench in the quad and am woken up in the morning by a group of prospective students touring the campus.
Box: when i was younger, well maybe 13 my gf and I went trick or treating and she was dressed as a business man(MODG note: ???) with a briefcase and cigar and fake mustache etc. Natually, it was dark and we were walking on the sidewalk and in the grass through our neighborhood and my gf dropped her cigar and she bent down to pick it up and picked up a LONG NASTY piece of dog shit and went to put it in her mouth thinking that was the cigar. Needless to say, she hates Halloween an ran all the way home crying.
Confession All Star, Brakes and Gas: When giving birth at first glance in the mirror I experianced a panic unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. There was this tiny hole with this gigantic brown mound trying to come out. As the nurses told me to push, and I shoved with all my might, and the hole only became marginally larger, I cried to my husband that I couldn’t do it: “I have small crevices!” reverberated down the hall. I pointed to the hole as evidence of my small crevices and a knowing smile appeared on Brake’s face. He gently pointed about 2 inches higher in the mirror where there was another hole… in which a hairy head was beginning to emerge. That’s right folks, in my daughter’s first moments of life, I mistook her for the turd trying to escape my butthole. Mother of the year over here. Oh, and BTW, my kid looks nothing like a poop. Just wanted to clarify. (MODG note* This confession didn’t even come out of a confession Friday, it was a regular comment!)
Me: Even though I kvetch about all the slutty girls in their slutty halloween costumes, sometimes when I’m at a party I am jealous of the attention they are getting while I am in a box or wearing a bag on my head. What I’m still a girl?
CONFESS YOUR SINS OR BE SACRIFICED TO THE HALLOWEEN GODS. (you don’t want that)
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
