Single guy is on a plane somewhere, actively spreading the swine flu and will be posting later today. In honor of Single Guy Tuesday, I’ll be posting about skinny pretty blonde girls with enormous hair. Many of you long time readers know that my best blog friend (stalkee) is Sarah from a life more exciting. Sarah has a part time job obsessing over the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders (super weird, I know). She’s been ON ME to watch the reality show based on a bunch of debutantes who have moved on from pageant life, trying to “make the team”. Well yesterday I did….
First of all you should know that this show has been on for 6 seasons and I had no idea it existed. Why? It’s on CMT (that means country music channel). No. However, I will say as I told Sarah, I’ll watch any reality competition show with pretty girls. I found myself saying “I could totally do that…I could so be a cheerleader…that looks easy” when I fully know that there is no. way. ever. intheworld. That I could be a dallas cowboy cheerleader. However, before you judge, you should know that 1) I was on the VARSITY cheerleading squad of my middle school in 7th grade. Middle school cheering is no joke. 2) My mom said to me once, “you really should have stuck with cheerleading, it’s probably what you were best at” (way to aim high mom) 3) I stuck with cheerleading for a FULL year. So as you can see, it’s not because I’m not super talented and awesome…but here ARE the reasons why I could not be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader:
1) My hair. This to me is the most obvious reason. Thanks to Halloween circa 2 days ago, we all know that I should not, ever, never be a blonde. Also my hair is a good 4 inches too flat. Case in point…ps this is during PRACTICE. I do a workout video for fat people and I look like a wet rat with a weave.
2) Body fat percentage calculations. Day 2 of training camp they calculate your fat. If you are 1% point above “normal” you are told “just up your cardio!”. I also heard the word “chunky” thrown around. I would ask the coach to hold that thought, turn around, and jump out the window.
3) They say “ma’am ALL the time. When I go to the grocery store, I say with a smile “Thanks Bitch” to the cashier. They would hate me.
4) I could not look at these women for one more second of my life
5) They perform self episiotomies…you know what I’m talking about. What you see in this picture ends up with them on the floor. If they were virgins before, they aren’t anymore.
6) I couldn’t say stuff out loud like I said in reason 5.
But I will say, the show is entertaining in a toddlers and tiaras/making the band sort of way. It’s already set on my DVR.
Sarah, I only created this post to continue to get way more Dallas Cheerleader googlers than you.
So after careful consideration, I should definitely try out. Thoughts?
Word..
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha, I LOVE this show! I have been watching since the beginning. You know that Melissa from The Bachelor was a contestant at one point, right?! Love reason #3 for not trying out…
I was a cheerleader and a dancer for most of my youth (not a very good one btw) and I am shocked that those girls can hop around with their hair down and all fancy.
I am loving this post!! Your reasons why you couldn't be a cheerleader cracks me up.
PS-I love toddlers and Tiaras. It may or may not be a guilty pleasure.
Yeah, I watched this once or twice. Although I am intrigued by what they have to go through, I didn't think highly of the coaches when they used the fat and chunky. =(
I would hate to hear what they had to say about my weight if I ever walked by them!
I cheered in high school and can remember doing things that hurt in places I didn't know existed. Who knew girls had a groin muscle?
The practice hair totally throws me. Also my makeup didn't even look that good on my wedding day, and yet they are jumping around and spinning and sweating and it still looks like that? Not human I tell you.
I LOVE this show. No joke. Plus an old gymnastics buddy is now one of them, so I feel like I know someone famous. I guess it just makes me feel better about myself, haha.
If you try out, I so hope to see your bootay shaking it on the show!
You will not out-DCC Google me anymore.
My reasoning for DCC amazing-ness is on my blog.
Should we both try out next spring and vlog about it?
I have friends that were cheerleaders and I never understood!!! But how funny is this post…. xxxooo
Um, you should totally try out.
I had no idea this has been on for so long! I just discovered it a couple of weeks ago!
FYI: you have me CRACKING up laughing at work!
This post literally made me laugh out loud hysterically. I have two really good friends who are former DCCs and they talk about it constantly. Drives me CRAZY! Its like, “Hey. Not all of us can have thighs the size of toothpicks, k?” Ha!
This post literally made me laugh out loud hysterically. I have two really good friends who are former DCCs and they talk about it constantly. Drives me CRAZY! Its like, “Hey. Not all of us can have thighs the size of toothpicks, k?” Ha!
lol just found your blog! you are hilarious!
you're hilarious.
I watched this show last year, but had no idea it was on going and on for 6 seasons.. i will say, such a guilty pleasure because it's beyond hilarious/entertaining. and for real- the judges are obnox!
#5. Ouch.
That is all.
Thanks, bitch!
I watched it when the Bachelor chick Melissa was on it. From one biotch to another…I watch way too much reality t.v. ah ha
ok I'm auditioning. done and done. I'm going to wear my halloween costume in my audition tape.
Also I would like to say that these are just a few among a thousand reasons. AND I'm not totally sure if it's been 6 seasons
LMAO! I surfed in via Sarah's page… My 12-year-old is a 7th grade cheerleader this year! Hopefully, she is not planning on pursuing cheer as an adult!
I love that show! It's awful and against everything we want to teach our daughters but I can't look away.
I can't believe this is a reality show! Looks like they will put just about anything on TV these days and manage to get an audience. Guess I shouldn't knock it until I watch it. Cheerleading is not really my thing but I bet hubby would enjoy watching!
I saw that show a couple of times. I forget to watch it because CMT. (?) Obvs. Thanks for the reminder!
i've become more of a reality tv junkie than i care to admit… but i've never watched this show.
LOVE your blog. found you by way of hotpants, so you should give her a big cyber hug for the shoutout she gave you today. she has great taste
This is 100% making it to the TiVo rounds this evening as soon as I get home from this worthless piece of %$#(&%_Q#(&% job that I am still sitting at. ARGH!
At one point in my life, I had an amazing jump-split. This is a true story. Now all I split is my pants from all those delicious carbs.
Haha. I just found you.
Love the post. I will have to find this and DVR it. I have never been to the CMT channel! I did not even know it existed!
Umm yeah I could never be a cheerleader of any sort. Let alone a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader? HA! No thanks. And I don't think my hair has EVER looked like theirs. But, um, your halloween costume pretty much kicks total ass. For real. AWESOME.
Thank God you say the things I think. PS I not-so-secretly kinda really want to be a DCC…I even cheered in college. But I have a a baby and Lord knows my body fat percentage is comparable to a blue whate’s. are they even fat? …maybe a hippo or an elephant or some other ungodly massive creature.