We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog absence to bring you breaking news.
I, MODG BLOGGER SPARKLES almost died yesterday of natural disaster. I’m talking about some serious 2012 warning shit. I’m talking about end of the world stuff. I’m talking about an EARTHQUAKE.
Yes, right here in the Philadelphia suburbs on the 3rd floor of my tiny weiner peiner office building, the earth quaked. Or quoked or something. I’m sitting at my desk and I’m all, F. I knew that all salmon and cookie diet was a bad idea, I’m about to pass out. My desk is moving now. My computer screen is moving. But I’m also moving. Shit, did that bitch I work with drug me? Totally possible. Then I hear it. All the blinds in the building are rattling. So I do the most logical and professional thing to do at work. SCREAM.
QUAKE!!
QUAKE!!
QUAAAAKE!!
EVERYONE STAND IN A DOORWAY AND COVER YOUR HEAD. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING AND YOUR WINDOW WILL PROBABLY IMPLODE AND THERE WILL BE FLASH FLOODS. SAVE YOURSELVES.
At this point I am bracing the doorway with both hands and feet getting more and more mad that everyone is ignoring me and probably rolling their eyes. I seriously think B teaches a course in this sometimes.
Then it stopped. And by it, I guess I should tell you that some people didn’t feel it at all. And some people didn’t believe me until they looked up like itoldyoutherewasanearthquake.com or something like that. And it could have been mistaken for a big rumble fart or thunder. BUT I FELT IT AND I WAS THE SAFETY CAPTAIN. Just like in college when I was the fire marshall for Stone Hall circa 1999. Safety is learned…my friends.
Turns out the rumble started in Canada and a lot of you probably felt it too like in Ohio and other weird places that I had to look on a map to see where they really were. Oh, you should also know that B doesn’t really believe me either. Or CNN. Or the Mayans. Whatever, if he’s not with me, he can burn in the Meteor fires while I say I told you so. BUT YOU BELIEVE ME AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS AND THAT’S WHY I’M BACK FOR THIS HOT SECOND.
I miss you I love you. You are my only real friends. Back for real soon. I promise. Hang in there Sparklettes. Now I know it’ s been an abnormally long time. So if you forget how to leave good comments. I’m here to help. Here are examples:
1) You are a super feeler for feeling that earthquake. Someone should pay you money for that skill.
2) I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU.
3) Everything you write makes me pee out pink happy sparkles.
We now resume our regularly scheduled absence.
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
