So B and I talk about if we want a boy or a girl. It always goes like this:
Me: I want a girl. Duh.
B: It would be nice to have a boy first so he’s older
Me: Yeah but then I’m worried that I’ll never have a girl and my life will be over.
B: Actually, I just want it to be healthy.
Me: WOAH. We’re talking boys or girls. Why do you have to throw the health thing in?
B: Because that’s all that’s important
Me: Yeah but now you make me look like an asshole for saying I want a girl when you’re all, I’M SO ABOVE THAT ANSWER. Its like saying, oh do you want the baby to have brown eyes or blue eyes? And you say, Well, I just want it to have arms, not relevant
B: You’re crazy
Me: You’re rude
And then we can’t talk about it again.
So since I love psychic stuff, and not being patient. I found INTELLIGENDER.
This is a box that has a container with magic crystals that you pee on and if the crystals turn green you have a boy and if it’s orange it’s a girl. So I ordered my magic crystals from Texas and waited. Here are the examples from the website of someone else’s pee.
***time passing***
IT CAME. INTELLIGENDER IS HERE. You have to use your morning pee so I didn’t sleep well that night.
In fact I had a dream that my result was a girl. And I was disappointed in my dream! I kept thinking about how cool it would be to have a little boy who loved his mom, who didn’t want to wear a thong at 4 years old and who wasn’t worried about the size of her baby thighs. Boys are easy and more of B’s problem than mine.
Then I woke up.
That was a weird dream. But I also dreamed that a snake told me to vacation this summer in Idaho, so my dreams are rarely credible.
But it’s morning! MORNING PEE TIME. Let’s get this magic started.
The test is like genius complicated and you have to follow the magic precisely or your baby will be wrong or something. I read the instructions like 9 times. I had to pee in a cup, then take a syringe and suck my pee out of the cup, then insert the sucked pee into a new cup that has a tiny hole in it with the crystals in it. Then you swirl it around for 10 seconds and wait for 10 minutes.
I go back in the bedroom. B is still sleeping.
My mind is racing. Racecars, circumcisions, robots? Sparkles, ballet, lipstick? aklsfjd;laksfjd;owirue;lasikj nervousnervousnervous.
10 minutes is up.
No question, clear as day, green murky as a swamp. This magic says….
IT’S A BOY. Maybe? That or I have a serious UTI.
And I couldn’t be happier. He’s going to love his sparkles, ballet class and lipstick! B is thrilled. It seems more real now.
It’s a good day.
Real Time Update:
Since writing this I’ve realized the bullshit-ocity of this product. But I can’t figure out if the people who are taking the tests are idiots and reading it wrong or if it really just doesn’t work.
If you used this witchcraft or know someone who has, let me know how credible it is.
For those of you asking. We find out for real on August 2nd boy or girl.
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
I laughed out loud reading this, and wonder who really puts their faith in stuff like this…curious now to know if it’s a boy or a girl–congrats on either account!!
I totally couldn’t wait and did this too – http://www.brandyatyoudontknow.com/2008/05/its-boymaybe.html – and it said boy – and I had a boy – with a due date of Dec 22. and he arrived Dec 8.
good luck with the waiting.
I don’t understand those things but I guess it’s a fun way to spend the couple months waiting…..you’ll find out soon enough if Plankton will be a stander or a squatter.
I have also researched this witchcraft and am dying to know it it’s accurate. When I shake the Magic 8 Ball (aka “use the internet”) for answers, it comes back with “all signs point to no.”
My fear is that I’ll use it and it will be like “girl” and I’ll throw out all my son’s baby things and paint rooms pink and go crazy enrolling this child in pageants…and then the baby will be a boy and I’ll have no one to sue over it.
So your Aug 2 event is going to help me very much in making the decision to go spend $34 at CVS for this test. Enjoy the truth that is “what you do totally drives the decision making process of others.” Gotta follow MODG’s lead.
for serious, why don’t you just go to an actual psychic for this? there are eleventy billion in philly and i can tell you that my favorite is the one next to the Irish Pub. and she’ll probably try to sell you psychic crystals to get rid of any excess bad chi that might be floating around.
I totally giggled reading this! How funny!
I like to look at Chinese Gender Prediction Calender’s. They’ve been right both times with my girls. The f’d up thing is it won’t work if you don’t have a 28 day cycle (which I don’t, but it still worked.) Try it, You’ll like it!
My friend used the supermagicwizard pee crystals and they were accurate! She tested this while we were on vacation and even had enough faith in them to spend $40 on pink mickey mouse ears embroidered with “It’s a girl!”
Oh man, this is pretty entertaining. Just saying, I would NEVER order this crap, i feel like its always bullshit, and now I have to google to see how much suckers.. errr, desperately vulnerable mamas, to be pay for this magical pee machine. BUT watch it WILL be a boy Aug 4 and then I can eat my words. Or 50% of them. BTW Idaho is quite lovely in the summer! Especially Coeur d’Alene
You have so got to let us know after your 8/2nd appt if this magic thingymagiggy is right or not.
Have you seen this? I swear you will LOVE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
My bff is due around the same time as you are and she just found out today that she’s carrying a boy. And I use the word “carrying” because she’s a surrogate for some couple up in Maine. She has kids of her own, so she knows what to expect and “LOVES” being pregnant. Call me selfish, but no way in HELL would I ever carry around someone elses kid. Of course this is just my opinion, but being pregnant SUCKS. But I guess the end justifies the means, right? Oh and my husband used to pull the “I just hope it’s healthy” line too. It’s like they google what to respond to your wife to make her feel like a jackass or something.
Yay for August 2nd!!! People kept telling me what a wonderful surprise it is if you don’t know, but I was like, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME IF YOU THINK I CAN NOT FIND OUT WHEN IT IS POSSIBLE TO DO SO. It is such a super-exciting day!!
That is IF the little bugger will open their legs for the nice lady with the magic wand.
My son turns 4 on August 2nd.. Here’s to hoping all goes well with your Sono.
When I was pregnant, every time I had a dream of a baby, it was always a boy, completely naked, and his little tiny penis was some kind of focal point.
But I had a girl.
Moral of story: pregnancy dreams lie.
I seriously love you….you and your sick, twisted – worried about the size of her baby thighs – thoughts!!! Bahahahahha. Now that is funny shit.
After a few drinks at a someone’s house one night, a friend and I convinced our (sober) pregnant friend that’d it be super fun to take one of these tests. I’m not sure if she was really into it or if she was just bored (being the only sober one) but she drove our tipsy butts down the street to Walgreens, we pitched money in for the pee test, came back to our friend’s house and she took it. We all knew that the gender test was more for our entertainment that night but wouldn’t you know, it turned out to be true (gender test predicted a boy and Brendan showed up months later)! Good luck!
I did the whole intelligender thing… thinking… It must work, there’s like a whole website dedicated to telling you (and showing you) all the correct gender guesses made by the “magical” crystals! I mean when has stuff on the internet EVER been wrong, right?
Well I took my test, and it said straigh up GIRL! I was thrilled because we already had a little boy and I was beyond happy to decorate an entire bedroom in anything pink I could possibly find! Glitter, hairbows, nail polish and dance class was all I thought about until our gender appt when 5 sec in to the ultrasound the tech said… “Its a boy”
Damn! The intelligender was so wrong! But I love my two little boys so much that I dont miss not having a girl at this point. We have one more go at this so maybe my last will be a girl.
Anyway… good luck hopefully yours is right… if your wanting a boy that is!
I had always heard pregnancy dreams = truth. But what the hell do I know? I’m not nor never have been pregnant. So basically I just believe whatever people tell me about pregnancy and parenting. Which means I’m going to be the most gullible pregnant chick/mom ever.
This is totally what I will do when I’m pregnant. Like, I’m gonna need to know if it’s a boy or girl like the day I pee on the first stick. For reals. I’d totally do the magic crystals, but, with my luck, it’d be all “it’s a girl!” and then I’d buy like everything pink and it would be twin boys.
Also, the conversation with B? I totally see that conversation between me and the husband in the future.
Perhaps this is why we don’t have children yet? Am not mature enough to have children? But look at all those knocked up kids on Teen Mom! Thanks MTV for making me feel like a failure for not getting knocked up in high school. Damnit!
I totally wanted a girl- my mom had me convinced I would be having a girl- I dreamed girl- thought about girl- girlgirlgirl- anyhow- when I found out it was a boy- I secretly hoped the doctor was wrong and that it would still be a girl.
NOW that he is here- I love love love my little boy- sometimes now- I don’t even think I want a girl- sooooo strange how the mind works it’s crazy magical thoughts on you-
Have you tried the Chinese Gender Predictor- I mean- that’s probably pretty credible- ya know…j/s
http://www.babygenderprediction.com/chinese-gender-chart.html
I couldn’t stand waiting until the ultrasound either and bought the inteli-gender test at CVS… It said I was having a Girl and it was RIGHT!! My baby girl is scheduled to arrive within the next 5 weeks.
I heard about this thing, and dude, don’t feel dumb. I would totally pee on those crystals, if I hadn’t found out the ultrasound way that I’m having a penis.
I bet it’s right, anyway. You’ll have the cutest little sparkly lip-gloss wearing little bruiser ever!!
Gross – you might have a weiner inside of you.
Did you take more than one? It seems like you of all people would have taken bunches of them! That would be the only REAL way to know…I mean, besides waiting for that whole Aug 2nd Dr. Appointment thing…
Holy effing sh*t August 2nd is soon!!!!! Since you think I’m a stalker how am I going to send you a baby gift? PO Box? Neighbor’s house? I can just mail it to the neighbors and then they will walk over, Amanda, this adorable gift came from the coolest chick and you will have the super sads you didn’t give me your address.
Okay, so I did the “Drano” test, which seems similar to this one, and it told me I was having a boy. And if that is true, he has the smallest penis known to man and likes hair bows, necklaces and shoes.
this is the fun part modg.
keep playing these little “what is it” games…i did. every single one i took said girl..i had a girl. did not do sparkle pee. though i would have.
enjoy this time playing fun, silly, asinine games.
your world is about to change.
Right or wrong – I really don’t care I am just enjoying reading about you peeing on and into everything in site. I think you’re going to set a world record girl!
I go back and forth on this all. the. time! Boy or girl, girl or boy? I think I want a boy – my mind sort of thought like you did that if I had a boy it would be more of my boyfriend (hopefully then husband)’s issue vs. mine. And if you have a boy you only have to worry about one penis in town – when you have a girl you have to worry about EVERY penis in town!
You have issues
I dont know about these magic crystals, but I tried the thing with a needle and thread stuck in a pencil eraser and depending if it swung clockwise or counterclockwise it means either boy or girl. Mine said girl, and I did have a girl. Pretty good for a trick that is correct 50% of the time LOL
I was dying to try Intelligender, but I never got around to ordering one! I’m due Dec 23, and I had my 18-week ultrasound last week — it’s a boy. I can’t wait to see if your Intelligender test was right or not!
You will love your baby no matter what. This blog entry is proof that a mother’s love is the best kind. http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html
Kates,
Thank you for sharing this. What a beautiful story… thank you a million times. I haven’t been able to stop reading Kelle’s stories. Although I’m not a mother yet, my have a 50% chance of acquiring my syndrome that I have, that was passed down to me from my father (one of his chromosomes just randomly decided to mutate I guess). Nella’s story is so beautiful and true, I should not be focusing on the fear of some or all of my kids getting my syndromes, I should be joyful & thankful – should I be blessed with children – for the love they will bring our family.
It could also just mean that you had asparagus for dinner the night before.
But seriously, I’m really happy for you. I’m really enjoying reading your pregnancy story. Whatever the baby happens to be, she or he will be so loved and adored. ( And he or she will grow up with a wicked sense of humour too.) – G
Chill chica! You’ll find out soon
)
BTW, I was googling bethenny and found your blog. I’m new…. HI!
I saw it at Walgreens!!! Yeah, they had it there! I don’t know if it was the same brand, but when I first discovered it I already knew the gender of the baby! Now, I’m thinking I should have used it anyway to see how accurate it was!!
aaawwww….a boy!!
Hubs did that whole “I just want it to be healthy” crap to me! I was all, ‘DUHHHH!’
YES! I heard boys love they Momma’s and also that they are lower maintenance. That’s what I need in my life. I hope your magic pee crystals are right and you’re getting a little dude!
I speak from experience, you can do ballet (aka “creative movement”) and sparkles (recital jazz vest costume) til about age three, then the gig is up and it is all trucks and cars and things that can be used as weapons (examples: restaurant napkins, cotton swabs, flip-flops). But by then you’ll like him enough that it will be fine.
Bonus of a boy is that they talk about penises (peni?) ALL the time, so that will be good blog material. Like, “Look what I got here?!!!!” Let’s discuss it with mommy and grocery store checkout lady and great-great-great grandma. So that is fun.
No! You’re not going to ruin the biggest and best surprise of your life! Once you know the sex, then you know the name, then there’s no more surprises. That equals a boring baby. You can NOT have a boring baby.
I took the test…I mean we trust the pee pregnancy test, right? It was right…I’m having a boy according to Intelligender and the 20 week ultrasound!
You want a girl. Then you wait six years and have a boy. When your daughter BEGS to give her little brother a bath/story/bottle/dress him, you pretend to think really hard about and it say, “Well, OK…”
And then go use the Internet.
Not that I ever did this.
My sister did this and it was accurate. The test said she was having a boy and she did. I thought that it was kind of weird, but she was into it.
i am not so sure about the accuracy of it, but you never know. So will you share with the MODG stalkers, er I mean readers, what you are having? Almost everyone that I know that is prego at this time is having a girl, so I am sending you girl sparkles!!!
LOL, I just did the test today and the way you described it is just too funny!! That’s exactly how it was for me too! And I am having a boy according to the magic test (I wanted a girl but my feeling has been telling me it’s a boy all along so I am now almost 100% sure it is a boy). Anyway, I will officially find out end of August. Good luck on your August 2nd appointment! Can’t wait to see if the test actually worked for you!