July 2010

July 26, 2010

Maybe if I aim just right they can catch my placenta IN the dust ruffle?

B and I had our “orientation” at the birth center. We had no idea what to expect. The orientation is required for anyone who wants to deliver at the birth center with the midwives. We thought maybe they would do some secret tests to be sure we were midwife worthy, like psychic stuff. That didn’t [...]

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July 24, 2010

Ultrasound pictures are straight up boring…unless you draw outfits on them.

You know how people show you their first ultrasound picture and you have to do your best fake happy excited face when you look at the blur that you probably could see on your tv when your cable goes out? I hate that. But now I’m on the other side and I love my cable [...]

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July 23, 2010

And when you meet your reality TV star hero who is really your hero just because she’s so skinny, your life can now end happily.

Hi. It’s real time MODG. Plus it’s Friday MODG. Which means we don’t talk about babies or bumps and we talk about awesome things like reality tv celebrities and ME MEETING THEM AND ALSO DRAGGING B ALONG. I’m talking about my super idol Bethenny Frankel from RHONY. I have super stalked loved Bethenny from episode [...]

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July 22, 2010

Yes it’s possible to wear a sparkle bra during natural childbirth…and other choices I’ll be making for myself.

Last night I told B that it was date night and that I rented a movie for us. The movie was The Business of Being Born. Yes, that documentary with Ricki Lake and other large nippled women giving birth on the flo’. And let me tell you, going in I was not really biased. I [...]

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July 20, 2010

GPS: April showers bring May farts and the like.

You know how you watch a movie and sometimes when the movie people get lazy they just pop up the names of months to show “time passing” instead of actually showing you stuff. And then BAM! Marley isn’t a puppy anymore and you’re like, I missed so much, I feel so empty. Well this is kind [...]