Have you noticed my Monday trend of disappearing? I bet some of you thought it’s because it took me 72 hours to go through every comment on the baby name post and that’s partially correct. However in real life I AM TOTALLY OVERWHELMED WITH BABY CRAP. LIKE WOAH.
So next week is my 6 month mark. Most people see this and are like, woohoo, 6 months that’s great! And they make a really smiley face about it. Not me. I see this and say, SHIT how can I get all the crap I need, which takes 8-10 weeks to deliver for the nursery? Well? Answer me?
This gem is 1600 dollars. And babies puke on it. Rightfully so.
Baby furniture is bullshit. If you’re at home all poor in the pants saying, “man I want to make money today,” go start a company that makes rocking chairs for non senior citizens and don’t charge a mortgage payment for them. I promise you every preg under the age of 40 will scoop that up. Think like Forever21 for gliders. And what on earth are they actually DOING for 8-10 weeks anyway? I can buy a pair of shoes that costs more than your dumb glider and have them in my hands tomorrow. But try and buy a chair for a baby and the baby people are all, we’re going to realllly drag this out because it’s not like having a baby is TIME SENSITIVE or anything.
Breathe. Breathing. I’m not supposed to get worked up, it’s bad for Plankton.
Here’s what else is on my agenda as of late:
• Breastfeeding class WITH B. I’m hoping if I bring him, his milk will come in too and we can work in shifts.
• Prenatal Yoga on Sundays. Which I haven’t started yet because it’s in this like shack above the place where they spray tan me and I can’t see inside and I’m afraid of the hippies doing weird things to me and not being able to call for help because there are no windows.
• Hypnobirth home classes. Now this is a whole post for another day. But I ordered the teachyourselfathome stuff from Hypnobabies which is comprised of 6 CD’s and a book and you teach yourself how to hypnotize yourself during birth. You picture special places and special things and shoot glitter and unicorns out of your vagina and feel no pain. It’s a whole thing.
• Supplemental childbirth class. This basically is mandatory at the birth center. I don’t have to take the 4 week one because I’m teaching my self hypnoshit. But this class is like, well we KIND of trust you to teach yourself stuff but not really so you have to come to this anyway. Awesome.
• Decorating the GD nursery. I can’t. even.
• The baby shower. Ok most people aren’t involved in their own baby shower. I am. But it’s for good reasons I promise. The economy has been rough to many of my friends and family and I don’t want this burden on anyone else. So B and I are having a co-ed shower at our house that is actually a keg party. I know. But add this to my list of brain hurts.
And then I also have like a regular job still and I try to go to the gym and I try to make dinner for B and I try to clean my house. And I try to tell you all about it.
And I cried about all of this to B on Friday and said I quit. Apparently I can’t do that.
I’m guessing this gets harder when Plankface is actually here. F.
PS no name yet. Still leaning towards Wolverine Thundercat Asianface.
Send me peaceful special places thoughts.
MODG
PS. Here’s how you can help. Want to design my nursery and do it awesomely? I’ll let you. Want to give me your cool baby stuff that you sell to for a million dollars but cheap to me? I’ll take it. Want to give me stuff and in exchange I’ll pimp you out on my blog? Ok, I can be bought. Word.
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I’d first like to say that you look fantastic. It’s been said before but I can’t imagine it gets old!
Your post reminded me of when I went with my best friend to do her baby registry. She is due in October. Why she thought I, her divorced friend with no children would be a suitable registry partner is still a mystery but I think she felt her husband would have been a bit overwhelmed. I did my online research, etc. I’m prepared! I stroll into Buy Buy Baby with Dr. Christian Troy-like confidence. An immediate sensation of fear and euphoria hit me (picture a combo being in the Nordstrom shoe dept and looking for plumbing supplies in Home Depot). Luckily for us there was a lady who worked there who was pregnant with her third child. There were a lot of things that stumped me; like how many bottles do you need? And I had no clue pacifiers came in monthly varieties.
Bedding was an interesting challenge. On the one hand you don’t want to drop $700 for baby bedding, but at the same time you want the nursery to look great and stylish. Who wants to be up for a 3 a.m. feeding, looking around the room, and regret not going with the Glenna Jean bedding? I suppose the threat of explosive baby poop and vomit set some of those fears to rest but I was conflicted at best!
Ok, here’s multitasking. You said they blocked you from your own site at work, which to that, as Stephanie Tanner would say: “How rude!” So. When I was preg, they were afraid to like give me a stapler for fear I’d go into labor and I don’t think any of the nerds I worked with would have been ok or known what to do.
Do your entire registry online. At work. And you don’t need expensive crap. Expensive bed sheets? Forget it. No matter what, they’re going to end up stained and nasty and no amount of Billy’s OxyClean can help. Also, if you’re frugal (i.e. poor) like me. Craigslist is your preg BFF. I got a barely used beautiful glider that the woman got at Babies R Us for $100 including the ottoman. And I was able to find a crib of the same color which when I looked online, was like originally $500, (somehow converts to a bed at some point, how I do not know, but I have some time to figure it out) and got it for $125 and you would have thought it was brand new. Get your own new mattress though. Plankton deserves a fresh mattress. The only thing I really splurged on was a changing table to match the same light oak color as the ottoman, glider and crib.
Really, though…do not waste your time on bottle warmers and wipe warmers. And holy hell, I microwave bottles and she hasn’t croaked yet. Do not buy your own clothes for the first year. People go clothes crazy when it comes to gifts.
Ok I’m sure you’re sick of everyone’s opinion. Basically, do what you want. Except with the pacifiers….go with the ones that are orthopediatric certified because my mom used those on me and got lazy with my sister. Guess who never had braces (me) and who did (her). That will save you thousands in the long-run. Trust.
I just got preachy. I apologize. Super sparkle hearts and relax! And tell be to pick-up take-out on his way home from work. I mean, that whole housework, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen doesn’t need be applied to you.
I meant B. not be. Typing while listening to Barney messes with your head after awhile.
Hi!! I agree with Mandy… register online. It’s super crazy/awful experience to try to do it in store. Plus, I’ve found that peeps that work at Babies R Us hate their job and want pregnant people to die. Don’t mess with bottle warmers or wipe warners. Waste of money. Ask around to friends and relatives if they have any stuff they would sell you. People will buy you the most random shit, ever. And they will buy lots and lots of clothes.
Have you tried Overstock.com? I like them and they ship quick for $2.95 on everything.
Yep … the only bigger racket than the wedding market is apparently the baby market. And, you’re in the same spot we were last year. Apparently baby furniture makers in S. American and Asia take the summer off. What the? I guess it’s hot or something. Doesn’t matter … I’m pretty sure it takes 4 months to get baby furniture in any time of the year.
Here’s a little tip … you could wait on the decorating part. I did a lot in advance. Now, not even 9-months later, I’m already changing everything. As long as you have a place for your baby to sleep and a good rocker, you’ll be set. You can even change diapers on the floor. Good luck figuring it all out … as soon as you do, everything will change!
I did this at 6 months – too bad I didn’t have a horde of people all over the globe to listen to me.. jealous! So, I wanted to give my two cents – I’m sure you’re thrilled! I agree almost completely with MandyMoore (awesome, btw). Go to Target and register for practical things – bottles (Dr. Brown’s rock – but this is something you will have to play with and decide what you like the best), diapers, wipes, a bath tub – and you don’t need an expensive one. people will buy you enough clothes to get you to about 6-9 months (I know, because mine is about there and really has like 4 outfits!!), they will also buy you bibs!
I spent a ton on my stroller – it was my one thing that I really wanted.. my husband gives me s to this day if I ever want to put the little guy in anything else.. pick what’s really important to you – and if you plan to have more – try very hard to make this one thing gender neutral.
Bedding – I went to Pottery Barn Kids – bumper, sheet, crib ruffle was under $200 – and if you put it on your registry and no one buys it – when you close your registry you get like 10% or 15% off.. but it sure did beat the many, many, many $500 – $700 bedding sets – that’s retarded!!!! You don’t need the crib quilt – you won’t ever use it!
Agree with MM and Craigslist!! Make him your new BFF – for s like swings (a must), bouncers, etc.
() – internet hug.. relax lady – Plankface won’t know the difference – just remember that.. he/she will benefit from your calmness over a super sparkltastic nursery.
I’m sooo excited for you! Yes, go CL. I got my upholstered rocker from there for hundreds cheaper!
I was thinking of you the other day when I was looking at Timi and Leslie Diaper bags. They are awesome, end of story. GET ONE, do it for ME!
OH, and hypnobirthing got me to 8cm without screaming. Then well, there was LOTS of screaming. And cursing.
You will do awesome though.
Belle Baby Carrier giveaway on my blog too if you don’t want to spend any more money than needed! Love ya!
Hey girl! I totally understand your frustrations! I forgot to tell you my super special boy name, if our daughter happened to come out with a penis. Ezra Alexander. Tell me that name is not the hotness?!?! Anywho…I also did hypnobirthing! It’s AMAZING and if you reallly get into it, it helps so much. I mean, you still feel the pain, but you can better “deal” with it. If that makes any sense. I did have a shot of demerol at one point…which was quite heavenly…but that’s it.
If I had a baby stuff, I would totally send it your way. All I own is cat stuff… and I doubt Plankton wants to sleep in a cat bed or play with furry pretend mice once he gets here. But if you think he’d like it, I suppose I could send you my cat stuff.
I have a glider that I could sell you. It’s black wood with a black and white cushion. I could email you a pic if you want. No baby puke or anything on it. Looks brand new. Prolly because I’ve only used it about 10 times.
I totally offer up my design services to you just so I can design another baby nursery. Tell me your style and I will start linking you to stuff.
You want a mod look? Ikea is your friend.
You want classic? I can do that, too.
I’m kind of not even joking. I don’t know when I’ll get to have Baby #2 as negotiations have not yet commenced and my uterus is screaming like WHOA to do baby stuff.
um, I say you keep going to work and going to the gym , and leave the cooking and cleaning to B!!
)))
I am not as far along as you, but that is what I have been doing, so I can fit it the important stuff and still get to bed early and get plenty of sleep!
AND< the co-ed keg party! Excellent!!!! We have talked about the same- a Baby PARTY, not a baby shower!
You should tell people to not wrap gifts- have a table to dispaly them on- and a clothes line hung up for clothes and stuff…and then everything can be displayed and no guests have to suffer watching you open all that baby shit. Some call it just being nice, some call it "Going Green". Either way, guests like it, and you dont have to sit in front of pepole for hours sweating…well, on the other hand, from what I know of you, you would probably like being the center of attention opening presents for hours….
Okay, in real life I’m an Interior Designer. I would love to hook up your uterus tennant with some sweet baby life stuff. I know you have all these peeps screaming “oh MODG let me do it, let me!!!” And thats fine. I’m sure they are really good with a glue gun or fabric or some shit. But I’m like hardcore designing schools and shit. And you need those skills and it’s all free, which is a plus. I also know magical free ways to get crap. JBF, what what! Don’t know what that is? Well, let me tell you . . .
But mostly, remember that all your stress is completely normal. It is really hard to juggle it all. Don’t worry so much about the cooking and the cleaning. Just make Plankton plans, its what your mind naturally is good at right now. Hang in there!
aaaawwwww….hang in there!!!
I was all set on Disney princess for the baby nursery for a long time, but once I got pregnant, I changed my mind and just did pink and brown colors, but kept the wall white.
Three things that are a big waste, and I think you shouldn’t waste your money on:
diaper genie (yes!) It doesn’t really keep the smell away! It smells horrible and it’s one more thing to clean. I’d just take out the diapers out once daily. I still do and it keeps the room from smelling like dirty diapers.
wipes warmer (BIG USELESS WASTE OF MONEY)
Crib bedding sets you’re not supposed to use the bumper, anyway. I learned that the hard way. And the dust ruffle…just one more thing to wash. Sure, it looks pretty, but you will be too exhausted to care. Put them on…take a picture with it and them remove them.
I did the hypnobirthing/guided imagery thing too. I really loved it and it did help alot. Not so much that I didn’t get the epidural or anything crazy like that. What I liked most is that I had like 9 different cds that were 20 mins long and I could listen to while going to sleep. They covered different things like creating your own “anesthstesia” (through mind power — not drugs!), sendind love messages to the baby (loved this one), and dealing with stress about becoming a mom. Mine had great background music and the last cd in my set just had the music which I used in the delivery room to help me relax.
I also agree with all the comments above, especially MM. The baby will grow out of stuff — even furniture — so fast. Buy stuff (dressers, etc) that can transition into the toddler years. Buy something used and paint it — or have B since he is non-pregs. I had an old bed frame that I painted white for my daughter and love it!. For me the nursery was the last thing I worried about. Really the baby just slept in there. And my world was rocked when I learned how to breastfeed lying on my side at night!
Best of luck with everything and wishing you sparkles, glitter and rainbows — not sure what the boy equivalent is. I have girls, I am stuck in their world. And loving it!
Too funny- I felt this same way around my 6 month mark- see-
http://spontaneousplanningmom.blogspot.com/2009/10/blah-mondays.html
Really I have no advice- but to tell you that it will all work out. It will. I promise. If it’s any help- I thought the slowest weeks ever were when I reached 24- until 30- those 6 weeks ticked by so effing slow- then WHAM- the 10 week countdown begins and it goes fast.
Oh- and for a rocker- I used a big comfy recliner I had from my college days- it’s definetly had it’s fair share of puke on it.
We had a co-ed keg party for our baby shower too. I even played flippy cup with the O’duls- classy I know… but fun! And since you will be looking super cute at your shower- it will be double fun.
I don’t know when I’m going to have a child but I already know where I’m going to get everything — Ikea!
I just went to their website after I read your post and put everything basic that I know I’d need (crib that converts into bed, crib mattress and mattress cover and bumper, bedding set, teething guard for crib, chest of drawers for adults and the changing table top you can add to it, poang rocker chair, blankets, bibs, washcloths, burping rags, bathing tub…) and the total was around $600.
I’d try not to think of any of the furniture as permanent since Plankton will out grow it. I’d spend the extra money on your must have items or save it for the unforeseen extra expenses you’ll have. Or if Ikea is too minimalistic and Scandinavian for you there’s always http://www.sweetdreambed.com/gallery.htm
THAT WEBSITE IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE!!! When my daughter is old enough she is totally going to have a surf shack bed!
EVERYONE: That link is worth clicking!
You’ll be glad for those no windows in the yoga class when your ass is in the air and your face in between your legs and you can barely breathe and you’re pretty sure you’re doing the pose wrong. No windows means no assholes staring and being all Judgy McLookDownTheirNosersons looking down on you for improper yoga posture. Not that they would have any idea what proper yoga posture looks like.
Ummmm…yes. Babies are The expensive. And eight to ten weeks? Sometimes they lie…and it is longer.
I will hope that someone with a fabulous baby company will give you the chance to whore yourself out on your blog in exchange for amazing baby things.
Oh, and I failed childbirth class. Seriuosly I had to quit going, it was stressing me out.
I am going to need you to start the HypnoBirthing immediately, like two months ago. Load it onto you iPod and listen to it before you go to bed. You will fall asleep, but you aren’t really asleep, it’s hypnotic, that’s how it works. It looks like you are asleep, but you are really preparing for a magic sparkle birth.
And go to yoga. The hippies will welcome you. Maybe they will let you try on their Birkenstocks.
Hugs to Planky.
Meltdowns are totally allowed. I am now going to offer up my own bit of advice. Make a to-do list for B that includes things like: sweep floors, vacuum living room, fill out invitations, buys drinks for party… Things that he doesn’t have to have detailed instructions for. He probably wants to help you but he might not know how. Maybe have a few friends bring some of the finger foods for the party. When you are doing your registry, it is best to have help from someone who has had a baby. Don’t stress about the nursery. My baby is almost fifteen months old and she still sleeps in my room in the pack-and-play that my cousin bought me for my baby shower (my master bedroom is too far away from the other bedrooms), it also has a removable changing table. I have a friend who decorated a nursery for her baby who is the same age as mine and she still co-sleeps and uses his crib for his clean laundry. I thought I didn’t need a wipe warmer either until I brought my baby home from the hospital and she screamed angriness at me every time I changed her diaper until I got a warmer. You don’t need to buy clothes because people will buy you lots of clothes, unless you see something that you absolutely fall in love with, then you will regret not buying it. I never bought a glider but I wish I had, I saw a cute one on Costco’s website that I might buy this time around http://www.costco.com/Common/Category.aspx?cat=48054&eCat=BC|48022|48054&lang=en-US&whse=BC&topnav=. I spent too much money on a stroller that my baby hated and has used only once. I will send you a super simple baby wrap like the one I am still using (since you are half a hippy now you should wear your baby). http://www.wearyourbaby.com/ Don’t buy a diaper genie or a diaper champ, use a small trash can with a grocery bag liner. By the time their poo smells really bad, they are usually just going once a day anyway (unless you give them soy formula, then it smells weird from the beginning). Totally learn how to breast feed laying down. I had trouble doing it at first but when I finally got it it changed my world. That’s all I have for now, I might be back later to add more.
P.S. Don’t make B go to the breast feeding class with you. There was only one guy in my class and I felt uncomfortable for him the whole time.
Amanda!
When you finally decide on a color scheme or the stuff you want to go with can you post that hear because I have crazy old lady hobbies of crochet and sewing and embroidery and I really want to make cute stuff like baby bibs and blankets and booties but hello I’m 20 and in my senior year of college so I don’t have a kid and want to send it to yours. If you will take homemade handcraft stuff to go along with your new hippie life let me know…I’m not super hippie but I’m a vegetarian and I own two pairs of Birkenstocks (but still shower and love RHNJ) so I think the hippies will approve of it
Mari
Holy sh*t!
Man, you have a lot on your plate! Wait until you’re in the last 6 weeks – you will go into nesting OVERDRIVE. Don’t worry too much about getting all the stuff for a nursery. A baby just needs somewhere to sleep and it’ll give you something to do (E-bay during 3am feeds is super fun).
As for all the classes etc for the birth – don’t stress. I’ve had three drug free, learning how to relax your whole body will be a huge bonus and learning to work with your contractions overrides the pain. Just remember though, the birth is just one day (hopefully).
Buy lumber and hand B a hammer. Done.
I have no babies so I know jack about delivery pain, but I DO know about hypno-shit. Like most people here I have a poop thing – except it’s a real actual poop illness that ruins your life. And nothing would fix my f’ing horrible stomach until I went to the hypno doctor. She hypnotized all the pain and the shits right out of me and gave me my life back. So, even though I was a hypno hater/skeptic before, and I have, even now, very little idea of what hypnobirthsparklepainhelping is all about, I have total faith that it will work. And please report back on the outcome of said trial, so that the non-baby-having pain-whimps over here can consider the possibility of procreating.
Do you think that self-hypno-crap will work on cramps too?
I wish all baby showers were keg parties.
We did the co-ed keg shower too. It was a cheesy luau theme. It was a lot of fun for the husband…So much so that we still had beer left over and he drank a TON of it right before our baby classes at the hospital. Nothing says we’ll be good parents like your drunk husband half passed out during the birthing videos.
PS. You don’t even need the nursery done till the spawn is like 2 months. Buy a pack n play/changer/sleeper for like 100 bucks to keep in your room cause your lazy ass ain’t walking to get the kid at 4 in the morning. Just a suggestion…
Boobtard
I think you should decorate the nursery in sparkle hearts and vampire blood splatter. Totally gender neutral, no?
Hi! I just discovered your blog today and I am dyyyyyyying. Everything is so funny! I’m also 10 weeks pregnant and really excited to see other cool moms doing cool mom things.