How to be Gwen Stefani and also have your husband shut up about it.

A lot of you asked me about my dress yesterday, so I’m going to let you in on the big dress secret.

Remember when I had you all buy tranny shoe memberships from Kim Kardashian? This is like that except not awful and stupid and painful to walk in. In fact, I’m pretty sure this is awesome. And I tested it out myself and now I can fully support it. And the most amazing part is that B SUPPORTS IT TOO. I’ve had about 76 weddings this summer. And thanks to the invention of Facebook, I refuse to wear a dress twice. I get that this is impractical, stupid and oh yeah, I’m not a Hilton sister. Yet. So now it’s even worse. I’m pregnant. I’m like REALLY not going to wear these dresses again. And so I found the best thing of my life.

Rent The Runway.

This is not a shoe club and it’s better than the bag rental. Here’s why. I never really understood the handbag rental thing. I want to keep my bags and love them and smell them and spill blue nailpolish in them forever and always. They are a collection for me and my special babies. Dresses, I’m eh about. I want to wear it. I want people to tell me how good I look. I want them to think I have a mile long walk in closet full of endless dresses galore. This is like that. Except secret.

So here’s how it works. The site has all the dresses that are at Saks and Neiman’s and other places I’m not allowed to go into right now, in all sizes and colors. You pick which one you like and you get 2 sizes in that dress for the rental fee. The fee is usually about 50 bucks. More if you’re fancy rich. You get the dresses for 4 days. If they are hein-ball or don’t fit, send them back the next day and your money is refunded. If they work out, wear them, claim them as your own and then send them back in the pre-paid envelope they send you. EASY PEASY.

For me this was a no brainer. I knew whatever I wore to this last wedding I seriously would never wear again. And as a bonus surprise, B is totally on board with this idea.

Me: B, it’s totally like leasing or buying, but like, you buy a car and drive it once because you can’t have all your friends on facebook see you in the car multiple times.

B: That is not a real thing

Me: I’m trying to talk to you on your level

B: Is it cheaper?

Me: Yes

B: Sold.

So I decided to rent 2 dresses and pick which one I liked best. The 2nd dress you pick is only 25 dollars more. Love it. Here were the 2 I picked. I make B take pictures of me circa Clueless so I can see which looks better in a worse case scenario. You know, after work when your makeup has run down your face and smiling feels like nails shot into your face.

Fail. Light blue garbage bag mess.

I'm more ok with this one. Although I still feel like I swallowed 3 beavers.

So B and I decide on the bright blue. Accessorize the shit out of it, toss the light blue aside and we have wedding guest magic.

Get home and Monday morning I toss them in the regular strength mailbox and I feel like a super successful shopper. I mean you’re talking to the girl who sold her wedding dress. I have no need to hold on to things because I like them new and shiny for always.

Now, remember when you all listened to me and joined Kim’s tranny shoe club and I got nothing out of it? That changes here. If you like this idea (I especially endorse it for pregs, they even have a maternity section). Click here as I get credit for referring you. My days are numbered with a real life paycheck so I need all the help I can get. i.e. you giving me dress rental credit.

CLICK HERE FOR MAGIC AND DREAMS.

Love,

MODG

The internet psychic says you would like this too:

1. B is the king of anniversary. Your husband is probably the court jester. Sad for you.
2. My husband is hot and I’ve found a way for this to be a problem.
3. Question: What do you do when your husband is fueling a poltergeist?

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