Yesterday I started counseling. This past week has put me over the edge and that poor old woman counselor with the sauce stain on her shirt and hugging polar bear calendar didn’t know what hit her.
First we should back up a step and peek into the last week of our lives. One thing you can be sure of, when you see a few days go by without a post from me, I’m probably either crying into my half eaten frozen meal or doing laps in a 10×10 room with baby G saying shhh shhh shhh over and over AND OVER. But those aren’t the things that put me over the edge. I’ve dealt with not sleeping, like ever. I’ve dealt with the shrill cries in public. I’ve dealt with baby G trapping me in my own home for 2 straight months. But this was the diaper that broke the washing machine. Baby G has now F’d with the one external non baby joy left in my life. My foods.
The past few nights dramababy has shot out some farts that I thought would shoot him across the room from their force. And it’s over and over and OVER again. We’re doing the drops and all that nonsense. Then he starts snoring. I’m like, seriously? I can barely deal with B’s snores and farts, now you? After much google and doctor and lactation consulting, I’m now banned from the world of dairy and soy indefinitely.
NO DAIRY OR SOY INDEFINITELY.
You may be saying, ok deal with it. Don’t eat cheese and ice cream. No my friend. No. It doesn’t work that way. See dairy cows are tricky. If you look on a label of a food. Like BREAD you may see words like whey or cassein or alksdf;asjh[uerhe;j. And those words are just dairy cows being fancy instead of saying: YES THERE IS MILK IN THIS AND I'M JUST CALLING IT MILK. No, they make it way difficult and cryptic so like a mental patient, I'm standing in Trader Joe's squinting at the Earth Balance label to know if I can ever have a butter substance again. No, the answer is no I can't.
And then when I finally figure out the damn dairy thing, the soy monster shows up. If you don't think soy is in every single thing you eat ever, it is. I promise. I don't know when soy replaced common ingredients like water, but it did. That chicken that I have marinating? Soy bath. That granola bar that is fake healthy? Soy stick. That VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY? forget it.
YES BABY G HAS TAKEN AWAY MY CANDY.
And that my friends is what sent me to counseling.
When you feel like you’re giving every single ounce you can give another person and then you have to give more, you lose it. Even if it’s as simple as a kit kat.
So I get to the counselor and I sit down.
C: So how are you?
Me: I’MNOTGOOD Ican’tdealwithitanymore nosleepnofoodnowinecrycrycrybabycriesallthetimefatpantsvomitinmyhair. ANDIFEELGUILTYALLTHETIME. can’tleavemyhouseformorethan2hours. SAGGY BOOBS.
C: Ok then, let me just jot that down.
We’ll see how this goes. I’m not super confident in Ms. Sauce Stain. But I need to start somewhere.
I debated not getting into all of this with the internet, but I think it’s important for you to know that sometimes mom stuff is easy and sometimes it is hard. And it’s ok if it’s hard. And I’m getting some help to deal with it. And I mean let’s face it. We all know I’m a crazy person anyway.
F, I hear noises in the monitor. CRINGE. gobacktosleepgobacktosleeppleaaaase.
Within moments of posting that, like the awesomest readers that you are, you have already given me blogs, brands, websites, etc to turn to and I can’t thank you enough. I don’t want to discourage that because I thrive on your advice. But I just want to briefly address the suggestions to switch to formula. As everyone knows breastfeeding is such a personal decision. It is important to me to do all that I can to breastfeed baby G. I know he’s having some issues now but I believe he’d have issues as well on formula, just different ones. I also don’t have an ounce of energy left to try different ones let alone the dollar dollar bills to afford it. I know all I do is bitch about mom stuff, but the one thing that is really going well (outside of the allergies) is the breastfeeding. I would encourage all moms to at least give it a try. However, I would never judge a formula wielding mom. To each his own. The benefits I’ve already seen from the breastfeeding have far outweighed the negatives for us. We need some tweaking but we’ll get there….with a lot of bitching along the way. Because that’s me.
More of a disclaimer I guess for the pregs and child-less. Don’t let my stories scare the ovaries out of you. Baby G is the exception not the rule. I have yet to meet another baby of his caliber. Your future baby will be fine. You’ll pop it out and be like, MODG was full of it. And I’ll be happy for you (and stab you in my mind).