Here’s a secret that I’ve kept from the world. Our baby sleeps with us. There, I said. Judge me and call me a baby murderer. But when you have a baby that cried from the moment he woke up until he went to sleep, you’d get desperate too. And that’s how co-sleeping happened for us. Desperation. You do what you have to do when things get rough and if letting rabid racoons run around your house, shut up the crying baby, you’d do it.
Don't try and sway me with bright colors and distraction, I will pierce your ears with my ultrasonic screams
Here’s the thing with co-sleeping…It’s not that big of a deal. Everyone is all: YOU’RE GOING TO ROLL OVER ONTO YOUR BABY. No, no you won’t. Unless you regularly roll out of your bed in the middle of the night, you’re not a moron. Your body knows boundaries even when you’re sleeping. I’ve slept with G for 5 months now and he has more space in the bed than B or I do.
And you know what? When you’re breastfeeding, it’s awesome. You roll over, feed your baby and you DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WAKE UP. When G is waking up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, 430am, alllll the way through the morning, this is priceless. And to those of you saying that you would never ever do this with your child, have a colicky baby and get back to me.
But things have changed and B and I decided that for our own benefit and for G to learn how to self soothe and gain some independence and to get some of my life back, we’re getting him into the crib and it starts this weekend.
And I’m sitting here now, 26 minutes into project: get baby into the crib. And just like I said I’d never sleep with my baby, I ALSO said I’d never let him cry in his crib. Things change when you actually have a baby. I need some of my life back. If G wasn’t napping in the swing, he was napping with me in the bed. And at night? I was in bed with him at his bedtime. That means like 730pm. I know I know. But I need some of my life back and this is how it has to happen.
- how dare you let Poppy hold me. I run this show and you’ll do as I say and I’ll sleep where I want or I’ll bore through your skull with my eyeball lasers.
I’ve gone into his room 3 times so far in this nap to let him know that I’m here, he’s ok and safe and we have to learn to sleep on his own. And if my baby was a 5 month old word genius, this would work. Sadly he’s a regular baby. But his cries tell me that he’s just fine. It’s the kind of cry that’s like, eh I’m annoyed at you, pick me up. Not the I’M DYYYYING cry.
I’m trying to look at this from the perspective of, doing what is best for my child isn’t always fun or the easiest. It’s hard. And every mother questions if they are doing the right thing with their baby.
I’m on an email exchange with my birth center, breastfeeding support group (i.e. huge bunch of hippies). One girl admitted to letting her baby cry it out to finally get some sleep. Note that hippies are generally not fans of this practice and will stab your brain with their judgement. I responded right away with TELL ME EVERYTHING. And she later told me that almost every member of the group responded to her privately so no one else would see that they were secretly like I NEED TO DO THIS NOW. Hippie or republican, everyone just wants whats best for their baby and everyone wants some goddamn sleep however they can get it. And that my friends is what binds us across political lines: baby sleep.
I’ve taken a huge risk by posting this. I mean you know me, I don’t fear judgement. This I feared. The attachment parents are going to be all, YOU ARE KILLING YOUR BABY. And the cry it out parents are going to be all, you slept with your baby? YOU WERE KILLING YOUR BABY. But I’m over it. I’m doing what we have to do. I’m basically on SEAL Team 6: Baby Division.
35 minutes have passed. It’s quiet. He’s sleeping.
HOLY SHIT HE’S SLEEPING IN THE CRIB.
Despite your elfkin super powers, I win this round dramababy.
And he’s not dead. Congratulations me.
Happy Mother’s Day world.
MODG
**Our house right now**
I believe a similar tactic is used for mental patients.
The internet psychic says you would like this too:
- I was supposed to be taking a shower but I wrote this post instead. F.
- Baby Weight. *this post is 90% not helpful and 90% honest* which means there are some helpful lies in there?
- At least this time I wrote a real post before whoring myself out for votes. Also B is Tony Danza.
- I’m going to be honest. This is a Suri post.
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }
I may only be a sixteen year-old-girl with no plans to have a baby for atleast another ten years, but I wanted to say that you’ve really inspired me with everything you’re doing with baby G. I admire the fact that you’ll do whatever the hell you need to do, such as change your diet and let him sleep with you, just to make him happier.
If you get any crap for this, just rise above it in your super-MODG-is-better-than-everyone way. I’ve never seen anything wrong with co-sleeping and if it works for you then that’s brilliant!
Keep going, MODG. You’re a great mum.
I let mine cry. Sometimes I could take 5 mins. Sometimes 20. I would have to walk out of the house and drink wine on my porch (with my husband inside) or else I couldn’t stand it. BUT, it worked. Good luck. And if anyone tells you shit, they need to get a life and stop judging. xo
I co-slept with 2 outta 3 of my kids. {The middle one, the first girl needed her space apparently.} The first born finally started sleeping in his bed around 2.5 or 3? Something like that, and my 2.5 year old is still in bed with us. Ugh, I know ALL about the judgement. Most people don’t even know. But seriously, what business is it of there’s? How does it in ANY way, shape, or form affect them? It doesn’t. So they can shut their pie hole. My kids lived, and are living.
My 4th is coming soon. My plan is to have him in a bassinet in our room and see how it goes. If he’s an “up all nighter” he’ll be in bed with me, where all I have to do is roll over to feed him. If he does well, then he’ll be in the bassinet and then move to his crib in a couple of months. I do what my babies seem to prefer. And no, they don’t ALL prefer to sleep with me. My daughter preferred her own crib, and I was cool with that. She slept through the night too. All babies are different and have different needs. Don’t let someone judge you for meeting your babies needs.
Good for you! You do what you’ve gotta to get your sleep and sanity!
Good job modg. I got desperate with both of mine, but when we hit the 6 month mark with each, I was over it and needed sleep and time alone with my husband. So we used (twice) the “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” by Richard Ferber. That’s right people, I Ferberized both of my girls. I just jumped into the controversy with both feet, but you know what? Best.damn.thing.I.ever.did. Both of my girls were sleeping through the night and taking two, count them, two full two-hour naps per day on a predictable schedule within three days of the Ferberization. The new revised and expanded book even has schedules you can print to help you track their sleep patterns. Ava’s been sleeping like a champ for the last month (7 months old now) and my 7 year old was sleeping the same way from 6 months old until today. She still is the best sleeper ever. You go modg. Don’t let anyone tell you that your baby should never be allowed to cry it out. You’re letting him know that he’s safe and hasn’t been abandoned, and you’ll see fast results if you’re consistent. G will thank you when he wakes up smiling and well rested. I’m gonna say it again. You go modg!
Yep. I grew. Mine naps for 2.5 hrs EVERYDAY at 11 am and for 1 hr at 4 pm. It’s why I believe in routines. At bedtime she sleeps 7:30pm-7am. And yes, she sleeps through the night. But, she sleeps with like 20 pacifiers around her, so when she wakes up, she will pop one in her mouth and go back to sleep. Yes, I give my 19 month old a binky to sleep; again, 7:30pm-7am.
*I agree NOT I grew.
And Oh My God by the way I super sparkle heart the giant notes to self all over your house. Love.It.
I said I would NEVER co-sleep, and then, like you, I did out of desperation. And she is still there. And my husband wants her in the crib, and I do in THEORY, but when I put her in there and she does the “I’M DYYYYYINNNNGGGGG” scream for fifteen minutes and then her face turns blue, I give up. Whatever works for you is totally fine, and people are gonna freak (which is why I have never told anyone the baby sleeps with us. Heh.) but is it obvious you are doing everything out of love for that little scamp, so stand strong!
I let mine cry it out at 6 months. You’re doing what’s best for G and you. I do some hippy things and some non-hippy things because it works for her. I was fortunate mine wasn’t colicky. Congratulations on baby G sleeping in his crib. Mine has slept in it since birth. She had gone to bed at the same time everyday until two weeks ago. She screams bloody murder in it so she has been sleeping with us. At 19 months, our toddler hogs the whole bed. We are seriously thinking of buying a king size bed. We think she is getting too big for the crib. Another reason why she is sleeping with us is because she learned to climb out and sometimes lands hard on the floor. And you’re right. We won’t roll over them. We r getting ready to purchase a toddler bed.
Good for you for sticking to what you feel is best for G!
I agree. You never know what you will do that you say you NEVER would (um I’m sleep deprived mama of a 5mo. old high-maitenance-diva…did that sentence make any sense?) We are on day 3 of getting our room back. We co-slept (not bed-share because diva baby must sleep at incline to prevent awful acid reflux screaming, sputtering, choking) using a cradle that inclines two inches away from my face every night for 5 months. The crib is going to save us. Of this I am convinced (for now, ask me in 3 days when she totally changes her routine and what she deems is acceptable). Good luck!
I really love that you have the balls to post this. I’m not gonna judge you because a) I don’t live your life so how could I know what’s best for your family, and b) I don’t have a kid so I know just about nothing about desperation and babies that won’t sleep.
It’s really awesome that you will do whatever works for him/your family with a big finger to everyone else’s uninformed (see point A) opinion. Keep it up, modg.
PS it’s so funny to me that EV.RY.THIG baby related is RADICALLY CONTROVERSIAL. You’re going to piss people off no matter what you do.
happy mother’s day to you! a quiet baby is the sweet sound of victory!
I could have written this post. We co slept till our son was 8 months. So no judgment here! Do what works for you!
Good luck to you both! We tried the co-sleeping thing, our baby just cried more and crying straight in your face was 10x worse than crying in the room next door. So we did some cry it out and 3 days later my baby started sleeping on her own and for longer periods. I’m so glad you are finding solutions, from whichever parenting method they come from, so no judgement here. To be honest I think these “methods” create a lot of this judgement. I have found that parenting doesn’t need to be a ” one size fits all” method. There are lots of good things in each method out there from attachment parenting to ferberizing, to even babywise. I have found good tips and solutions that worked for my baby in each one.
I hope the transition to crib goes smoothly for you both!
You are doing the right thing girl. 5 months is the perfect time for them to start learning to self soothe. I said I would never let my baby “cry it out” and got all judgey on anyone who did. Then I had my second baby who was drama with a capital D. Co-slept, very little sleep & my hubby & I were 2 passing ships in the night. It sucked. At 5 months I could take no more and we transitioned her to her own crib. It took 2 days for her to be “sleep trained”. Each crib experience there was less & less crying. She now sleeps 12-13 hours straight at night in her own crib and I feel like a human again. You are 100% right- what’s best for him is not always the easiest option. It’s hard, but you are so doing the right thing. Good luck to you. Stay strong!!!!
i totally APPLAUD you! i have 5 month old twin girls and coslept with them for the first 6 weeks. it was amazing. then i started putting them in their cribs to sleep….and it was hard. SO hard. i would run upstairs and get them if they did the “I’M DYING” cry or if they cried longer than 15 minutes. 15 minutes was an e t e r n i t y. but after a couple of weeks, they would cry for like 2 minutes. and now, they don’t cry at ALL when they are put in their cribs. it’s freaking amazing.
oh and call me a baby killer too, they sleep on their tummies too. their pediatrician says its ok and you know what, they love it. they sleep from 7pm-7:30am. EVERY NIGHT. sometimes even 9am. STRAIGHT. NO FEEDINGS. and they nap everyday from 11-3. if i had only one baby, i’d call it a fluke, but i have TWO and they keep the same schedule.
congrats mommy, and welcome back to your life!
-twin mommy rockstar aka erin kirby
Girl, you do what you gotta do. If anybody judges you then to hell with them. Cheers to you for being an amazing mom and cheers to baby G for sleeping in his crib! (If my math is correct that’s two glasses of wine)
Happy Mommas Day to you! And I wanted to let you know that like you I did the whole sleep with my baby, and he is fine hes about to be three in June. Although it kinda backfired on me, because when I wanted to move him back to his bed, the hubs guilted me about the letting him cry it out. I wanted to let him cry it out, but I didn’t find the hubs on it, and now we fight every night to get him to sleep in his bed. We literally put him to bed in his bed and lay down with him till hes asleep and then tip toe out of the room, and by 2 am he is crawling into ours again. I feel like I will never get our bed back….lol So Kudos to you on the the co sleeping, because it does help you get those extra hours of much needed sleep, and keeping him calm. And also for letting him cry it now, and getting him used to sleeping on his own again. You are doing a great job!
Girl, please. You are so not the first person to let your baby cry in his crib. And co-sleeping. I’m pretty sure most moms do this at least for the first 2 to 3 months. And if they don’t, more power to ‘em! G is fine and in no time he will only be happy sleeping in his crib. Be strong girl. The tears will stop sooner than you think. Just look at my beautiful happy baby boy and there’s your proof.
A few months ago my husband and I argued about my son crying, and once I let him cry and sat in the living room and cried myself until he stopped and then it ended up not working…but he was like 10 weeks old then and we were both desparate. Now it’s 5.5 months and you know what? I realized two things. One, he’s playing me 100% when he cries in his crib and nothing is wrong. Two: I’m his mother and my job is to teach him and do what’s best for him…and sure, he doesn’t want to lay there in his crib because he doesn’t think he’s tired, but I do know he’s tired, so screw you, baby, you’re going in your crib.
When it’s 2 in the morning and you aren’t sleeping, it’s so much easier to let him cry a little.
I never intended to cosleep with my babies, but that is just what happened. and we rolled with it. Now my 2nd baby is a year old. we are still cosleeping. I wouldn’t. Personally let her CIO but I’ve never had a colicy baby. In the 5 years of being a mom, an AP mom at that, I’ve learned that judgement doesn’t get me very far. Especially when it comes to sleep. I will say though, with out judgement, that if CIO makes YOU uncomfortable and hurts your mommy instincts, there are noncrying methods you could explore. I hope you start getting some sleep!
Hey Kelly
I went through EVERY non CIO method before this. Nothing worked. However after reading some books, CIO isn’t really as bad as Sears makes it out to be. You’re encouraged to check on them (more often than I thought necessary) and let them know that you are there. You’re also encouraged to feed them on demand as stopping all feedings is cruel. It’s really just about getting them a litlte bit more comfortable with new sleep associations in the kindest way possible.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Another inspiring post. Like you, I didn’t plan to co-sleep but am. I really need to let my 10 mo old try to cry it out, but my hubby is quite on board. Maybe I could test it at nap time too. Question: Did you put G in the crib awake?
renee, i have twin baby girls {5 months} and we put our girls to sleep on their tummies, in their cribs, awake. we never let them cry more than 15 minutes. and if it was the “i’m dying” cry, i’d go up to the room and check on them or get her out. then do it all over again. we started at 6 weeks {i know, young, but i’m a twin mommy! my rules are a little different with TWO screaming babies, hahaha} and we keep them on their schedule. sleep from 7pm-7:30am, nap from 11am-3pm. they chose the schedule, i just help them stick to it. it’s so, SO hard at first, but it really is rewarding when now (4 months later) they rarely cry when they get put down in their cribs and they sleep like champs. it’s going to be harder for you than it is for your baby. you can do it! you can TOTALLY do it!!!
*and by no means am i trying to brag or force my methods on you, but if it can get YOU some more sleep and some more of your life back, then that’s amazing. all i want is for mommies to be happy!! good luck!
Yes the most important part is putting them down drowsy but awake
*typo ( I meant to say that my hubby is NOT quite on board ).
Your sign idea is fucking genius. I am going to steal it.
I am a hippy, and I didn’t believe in co-sleeping. I had a colicky baby and we’ve both co-slept and let her cry it out. When she started teething, we started co-sleeping again, and we’re going to have to CIO again. I AM NOT EXCITED, NOT ONE FUCKING BIT.
In other news I am WAY TIRED of people acting all high & mighty about shit like co-sleeping or CIO and then secretly doing it themselves. HOW DOES THIS HELP OTHER PEOPLE?! It does not. Thanks for being honest. Anyone who tells you that you’re killing your baby is an asshole (and either has no baby or has an angel baby. screw them).
What ever works for you is what works for you, no on should judge your
Situation! Proud of you!! Here’s hoping g gets some alone time sleep!!
Do things in whatever way works for you, co-sleeping, crying it out, scheduling or not scheduling sleep, putting the baby in a dog crate while you get margaritas…. oops, that last one is just the dream I had last night… I hope to emulate your “what works now” style when my little one arrives in July. Holy shit this kid is going to come out of me and if the alien movie going on in my bump is any indication, it’s unlikely that we have a great sleeper coming our way. I may start printing similar signs out now just to be prepared…
Aw man, it’s so hard. Do exactly what you need to do. All babies are different, mommies parent differently, and there is no black and white rule here! You clearly are head over heels in love with the little man- even at his most demanding.
I remember telling myself that in order for me to be a good parent, i.e. not the irrational monster, one-step away from checking herself into the nearest mental hospital (which, by the way was extremely appealing, only for the fact that I would probably have a nice, quiet, white room to SLEEP in), I HAD to get some good sleep- and my twins did too. CIO is not easy, it doesn’t always work and it’s not for everyone, but if it does work for you, and the outcome is a baby who most of the time sleeps on his own and for large chunks of time- wow, there seriously isn’t anything better for a tired mom who needs a break!
Dear “I’m just passionate about babies getting the best experience possible” mothers,
Do you see what your militant, black and white approach is doing to women like our wonderful MODG? Instead of being able to really listen to the spirit of your probably very well-educated, well-informed points of view, she and others like her who care desperately about giving their babies a great experience brace themselves for your judgement. And honestly, I think you are so wrapped up in yourselves that you don’t see what you’re doing. I am sick of your judgement, your superior tones and the ways that you make moms feel like we’re jackasses for doing things like cry it out when it’s not going to kill our babies. OK? So read, listen and learn. You make people brace themselves against your impact – that’s not helping, that’s not supportive and it’s not good for babies or moms. Start paying some serious attention to your timing and your tone. Seriously. Thank you.
MODG you are fabulous and your instincts are spot-on. Thanks for these posts.
You know what? We were all perfect golden parents before we had kids. I remember being all “OMGZ, I’d NEVAH-EVAH let my poor baby cry, if he’s crying he NEEDS something, even if it’s just his mommy’s precious LOVE!” Seriously. I’m pretty sure I said that when I was all smug and pregnant. Pfffft. Then you have your kid, and you do what works for that kid, not what some website/book/friend TOLD you was going to be best for your kid. We co-slept, we later Ferbered, and now that we’ve got two toddlers, I sometimes give them M&Ms just to make them shut their faces and watch Barney for five minutes without peeing on the floor/bugging me while I try to read blogs. Whatever. You’re doing what’s best for your family, so more power to you, MODG.
Love.This.Response. Too funny, and true. Xoxo
Way to go! It is hard but taking tiny steps gets you through. I just recently had my 2nd daughter and I made her sleep in her crib the first night and cry herself to sleep. Let me tell you when word got out about that the judgements came in fast, but like you said, you have got to do what you have to do in order to survive.
I too said I would never co sleep and like you I did…out of desperation, out of I love this little monster that came out of me and I don’t want him that far away from me, out of I’m terrified if he isn’t sleeping right next to me he might stop breathing or start to stir and there would be nothing I could do about it….I’m not really sure my exact reasoning but I did. And I don’t regret it and I don’t care if I get judged for it!
I will tell you I cried the first time I let him sleep in his cradle that was 2 feet away from my bed. He was about 2 months old and then I could have almost checked myself into a mental institution the first time I put him in his crib in his nursery to sleep for the night! He was about 4 months old after I had to go back to work and worked nights!
I will also tell you letting him sleep in his crib was one of the best decisions I have made. I found that not only did I sleep better, once I adjusted to him being away from me, but so did he. When he was so close to me, every time he stirred I felt like he needed to be soothed and I ended up waking him up. Now he goes to sleep in his crib, maybe cries it out for a max of 10 min (on a bad night) and falls asleep and stays asleep! It is great!
Good luck MODG!
Do you realize how helpful all your stories are to those Of us soon to be first time moms? It’s like you’re the worry epidural!
So my first child came home from the hospital basically sleeping through the night. She was awesome no crying, no colic – nothing. Just a very nice calm baby- I had this whole mothering thing mastered. Fast forward 4 yrs and I had my son- who cried non-stop, super colicky and NEVER slept through the night. When he turned 3 months old I caved or the extreme lack of sleep took over and I put him in my bed. He didn’t start sleeping through the night with consistency until he was 4 years old. I did go on to have a 3rd child who wasn’t colicky but still wasn’t that big on sleeping through the night. The one thing I have learned in 14 yrs of motherhood is go with what works and don’t worry about what people think. Its hard and we all want to do what is right for our children, but when things start to seriously compromise your quality of life you have to go with what works for everyone. My kids are now 14, 10 & 6 and they are great kids and they all sleep through the night and don’t cry at the drop of a hat so I must have done something right! LOL!!!!
We shouldn’t judge each other for how we parent, but help each other get through it. Because some babies are way easier than others!!!
I just had baby #2 and I still question everything I do and I’m constantly comparing myself to other moms. But the bottom lone is that ONLY YOU know what’s right for your baby and you do what’s best for the both of you at that very moment. You may look back at your decisions and think “what the eff was I thinking” but eh that’s life. The end result is what matters.
First off-Happy 1st mothers day to you!!
Secondly-since everyone is sharing-I pretty much read every book out there on sleeping, breastfeeding, co sleeping, cry it out…etc and I took a little from each book to make “my situation” work. I don’t really know exactly what I did-but both babies thrived beautifully and are still alive, and I am starting to wean off zoloft (yay!). I co-slept for 6 months-did a little cry it out here and there-then that grew into them wanting to nap more-then they slept in the cribs AT NIGHT. friggin miracle. But that said-every child is different and handlles shit differently. 1st baby-pretty much would crawl up my ass if she could-she was so attached-hence then night sleeping. I remember breastfeeding her just by rolling over and popping my boob in her mouth (so easy) and I fell right back asleep. I awoke to my baby sound asleep, with her head turned to the side, but my boob was profusely spewing milk all over her head for God knows how long. Loved the boob feedings in bed. SOOOO much easier. anyway sounds like you are all over this and doing great-he is adorable!
Just a little note of affirmation for you: I think that you are absolutely doing the right thing. This is a good time to start sleep training; Baby G is old enough now to learn to self soothe. My daughter is only a few weeks older than G, so my experience is limited, but from what I understand from other moms and from what I have read, by six months bad sleep habits are much, much harder to resolve–so I think this is your window of opportunity! We started sleep training at bedtime at about four and a half months, and while my daughter was more “fuss-it-out” than “cry-it-out,” I was pleasantly surprised that it only took a few nights of resistance before she was able to fall asleep on her own. We then moved on to eliminating one of her night wakings (she waking out of habit rather than an actual need to eat), and we are currently working on nap time. Stay strong! Be prepared for a possible “extinction burst,” too. It’s definitely best for G to learn these early coping skills. Good luck!
good for you mama! mommy knows best!
I co-sleep most of the time with my 3 month old babe. I said I ‘d never do it too. Now by kid 3, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Happy first mothers day to you MODG-super-genius-mama.
Sounds like an amazing choice for everyone involved. I mean the kid has the world’s cutest nursery, how could he not LOVE sleeping in there?!
Cheers to sleep, and happy Mother’s Day to you, my friend!
Happy First Mother’s Day MODG!
I’ve learned with my 6 1/2 month old to just go with my gut even if I’m not sure about it. My husband and I raise her, we live with her so we get to decide what we do……..not nosey Granny in BabiesRUs busting my chops that my JJ Cole strap covers are still on the fuzzy side in April. (They are f’ing reversible bitch and I just haven’t switched them over yet.) Anyway, I digress.
Great job and thanks for sharing everything with us. Love the signs!
oh, our 4month old still sleeps with us 99.9% of the time and some times I am happy b/c it keeps my husband away (bad wifey. whatever.) And he’s cute and cuddly now that the older one tells me to f* off. (kidding he’s only 3. but that’s his attitude anyway)
AND let me tell you, about the crying it out shit…there is a BIG BIG BIG difference in letting them cry it out by the ferber method or whatever, and letting them cry a little bit to work it out and offering reassurance that things are all right, the world hasn’t fallen apart because you stepped away to take a poop. Attachment parenting is great (I’m wearing my little stalker, mr. “NODADDYCAN’THOLDMEONLYYOUYOUYOUYOUOYOUOYUOYUOYUOIUO” right now) but think about this…..with 2, it’s inevitable that one will cry and not get immediate attention, and that’s okay, subsequent babies aren’t totally messed up b/c they cried for 5 minutes while you were taking cleaning play doh out of their siblings ears. Take your time with it, he’ll get there.
I applaud you! We just, finally, did the crying out rigamarole the week of our baby’s first birthday because it became clear at this point he wasn’t going to just grow out of the night wakings. It has changed our lives. Obvs. it’s not much fun as it’s going on, but it does go by fast. Just keep at it, as long as he’s showing progress. I only wish I had the fortitude to do it seven months ago. Best of luck with everything! -D
My baby girl is 13 months now and we had her co-sleeping for the first 2 months then let her cry it out in her crib and that only lasted a few days. Mind you she has been a breeze! Here’s to hoping babyG catches on quick. It really is up to you as a mom as every child is different and nothing works the same for everyone!
So judging you.
No wait-this happened to me with my first. Like, so much so that (except for the food stuff) sometimes I feel like you are writing my life. But when I finally broke down and let her sleep with me, I didn’t tell anyone. I harbored that little secret for the entire two years that she slept with us.
With #2, I have jumped right to the co-sleeping, because I love sleep and for some reason, dislike sleep deprivation-driven delerium.
Happy Mother’s Day! I hope there are naps involved!
You do what’s best for your family, period. I could give two shits what my neighbors thought about me when my kids were screaming like I was murdering them instead of letting them sleep with me, they got over it and so will baby G. PS, you’re hilarious and the vagina shorts were uh-may-zing!
OMG! I could not have said it better! I cosleep and have always been proud that I do…but when the time came when my dear hubby and I knew it was time to make the shift from our bed to his crib (the baby, not the hubby
…I like, you, was in fear of what other’s would say, esp the moms I knew pledged their life to attachment parenting/gentle parenting….but I like you was desperate and messaged my friends who had great success! Thanks for making light of what is often a controversial and very stressful situation!
Way to be totally awesome! I think it is sooo great that you are doing what feels right and natural for your family: co-sleeping when that worked and sleep-training when it didn’t any more. I think if everyone felt more comfortable following their own parenting path instead of someone else’s dogma, we would all be a lot happier and WAY less judgmental. You rule: Happy Mother’s Day!
Let me just tell you, YOU. MAKE. MY. LIFE.
That is all
Sparkles and Skinny!
-Rachel
I hears ya, lady. My little girls is the same age as Dramababy and we were co-sleeping up until two nights ago when we started letting her sleep in her own room. I’m trying not to think about Paranormal Activity 2 every single time I put her in there. I’d been trying to get her to nap in her crib before so that she would know it was her space, and so far it seems to be going okay. I still bring her to our bed so I can lay down to nurse her at night because I’m just too lazy to do otherwise, so she usually winds up falling asleep with us for a little while, but eventually I wake up and put her back in her bed. Oh, and I put her to sleep on her belly, have been for like 6 weeks. I know, I’m a terrible mother.
We kinda fell into co-sleeping out of survival too! We moved to the UK and my husband’s job became much more stressful right around the time the baby came along. My husband is a lousy sleeper, once he wakes up it takes him hours to get back to sleep. So our co-sleeping allowed all three of us to get a good night’s rest. Plus it’s so reasuring to have the baby close and he’s just so cute. We are waiting till we FINALLY move into our house in June to try and transition to a crib (baby is 7.5 months). Co-sleeping is getting a bit old. My right shoulder chronically hurts from the position I sleep in to nurse at night. It’s easy to just roll over and feed the baby, but I’m SOOO tired to being restricted to sleeping on my side for long periods of time. Also I have to go to sleep when the baby goes to sleep. I nurse the baby to sleep so wondering how I’m going to ease him off the boob to sleep in a crib. I read on some AP site that a mother was still nursing her kid to sleep at 3. I can’t do this for 3 years. So NO judgement here….I freakin need your advice!
My Hubs said the same thing re: our colicky baby 14 yrs ago. If any habit had worked to get him to sleep more we would have had that habit. Nothing worked. just time. or and the one time I had to go out of town one night without baby. hubs tells everyone he learned how to go back to sleep on his own that night.
We all reach a breaking point where things change. I too got tired of my 5 inches of mattress in the bed.
Lord have mercy, this was one of your best posts yet! Guess what? The people who tell you they never let their babies sleep in their beds are liars. And even more guess what? The people who tell you they never let their babies cry in their cribs are liars. God. Why do Moms have to be so judgey (judgy?) with each other? Whatever you need to do to get your baby to sleep? DO IT!
And considering I”m letting my 10 month old daughter get into the trash as I write this, well, you KNOW I’m a good mom with ALL the answers.
OMG THE SIGNS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!! but for reals, do what ya gotta do. My daughter *still* winds up in our bed, though not much anymore. Oh, she still wakes up at LEAST 3 times a night (yes, she is 16 months old…) for whatever reason, mostly it’s bc she likes to be held. Well, ya know what? I like my FACE to be held. BY MY PILLOW. Sometimes she cries it out, sometimes she winds up in my bed, until she jumps on her daddy’s face or sticks her foot in my mouth, then she gets banished…when she was around G’s age, she was in our bed all. the. time. I was always just afraid of the “spoiling” part bc my friends kid slept in her bed until he was almost 4 and they had to have sex on the floor while the kid was in thier bed. There are SO many things wrong with that. But really, my daughter LOVES her crib. Loves it. She is a great napper. And she likes to be in her bed for nap. She’s a lot like G at night- it’s just that nothingiswrongbutpickmeupandholdmeoriwillkillyouinyoursleepifyouevergetany cry. Not a hurt/sad/pain/change my effing diaper cry.
Bhhaa ha ha!
‘I like my FACE to be held. BY MY PILLOW.”
Amazing.
I wish I had this blog when my baby was doing the same things. He slept with us till month four, i was up nursing him six times a night when he finally moved into his own crib-after halfway crying it out-until he was eight months old and we finally cried it out. It was the best thing we ever did and baby #2 (if and when there is one) will do it much sooner! By the by, he will be two next week and I am currently listening to him cry over the monitor. We still have refresher courses in CRI occasionally. Good work!
I’m with you- you do what works. Happy Mother’s Day!
The number one rule I told myself when we had our son was “Do what works for you”. I never cared what anyone told me. Now, we didn’t go sleep, because I am a light sleeper and every grunt, movement, small sound he made woke me up. So he started sleeping in his crib early. People judged me for that. We also let him sleep on his stomach (with Dr. approval) because he wouldn’t sleep on his back. Starting sleeping through the night at 2 months.
He is now 2.5 (happy and healthy). I do want to tell you, as they get older they move a lot more. If I nap with my son now, it’s like sleeping next to a bag of cats. (plus he snores and talks in his sleep!)
Whatever you need to do to get sleep…. DO IT!!!
I think I’m in love with you
60 comments so far, holy schamoly!
Just wanted to pop in to say that I tried every sleep training tactic for my little devil before resorting to ‘cry it out’ (at 8 mths old). She viewed controlled crying as “You’re in my room to do WHAT exactly? You’re here, now DO something” If I just left her be, she was excellent at just yelling out her frustrations and falling asleep far quicker than if I kept going in to pacify her. Now she sleeps in much longer bursts and if she dares to wake earlier than normal or in the middle of a big sleep, I still let her cry it out if I can hear that it’s not a ‘world is ending’ cry. I’ve had really positive success and she’s so much happier for it. Just to note that I too am a cloth diaper, b/feeding exclusive, moby wrap wearing mom.
I am aware that you are not keen on medicating him for his colicky issues, but have you considered getting him checked out for reflux? There are meds for babies that don’t interfere with b/feeding, that reduce the concentration of the acid that he burps/vomits up. He cries like he might have that issue. I speak from being a baby-nurse who has worked with this sort of drama a fair bit. If you think he’s lactose intolerant, there is also something you can give him to help him convert the lactose in your b/milk. Just a few things that I thought I might mention.
Keep going with your sleep training, you are doing the right thing in a very difficult circumstance with a more complicated than average cutie-pie. I applaud you!
Embrance the i-pod method of sleep training – the i-pod is for you to help drown out the volume from the beautiful child, also helps calm you down when it begins to get too much.
Ummm, hi, you are me 4 months ago.
I co-slept with my son because, uhh, it was convenient. Oh, I can feed my child every hour on the hour without waking up as long as I leave a boob hanging out? Perfect. Also? I’m sorry, but I loved cuddly naptimes with him. Snuggling on the couch was THE BEST. And at night, seeing him right there next to me, totally safe and constantly breathing was super reassuring.
I never thought I’d co-sleep with a child because it seemed so hippy dippy and bizarre, but suddenly I found myself never wanting to sleep without my little snuggle bug.
Until he started beating me in the middle of the night.
At some point, a flip switched and he decided to hate sleeping and he expressed his disdain by clawing my flesh off throughout the night. I knew it was time to get him into his crib. And for the kid who slept exclusively in someone’s arms? This meant crying. Lots of it.
The signs are brilliant. The crying effing sucks and it’s gut wrenching but it’s totally worth it in the end and for my next child, I’m totally putting signs like those everywhere when it comes time to sleep train. Because sure, the signs might make you look like a metal case, but no more mental than sitting outside your baby’s room, rocking back and forth, silently sobbing, and chanting to yourself.
Anyway, I’ve been there gurl. No judgment here!
Hello. I have no kids and no idea about anything related so please forgive the incoming silliness. I’m curious why having the baby in the crib in your bedroom doesn’t help? Is it because the point of co-sleeping the physical contact? And then the point of crying it out is that the baby learns to sleep by his/herself and gets used to being alone? Not that any of it matters either way; this is just one of those things that’d keep me awake at night (it’s a hard life…!)
Anyway, all you mums are doing a grand job of it – happy mother’s day!
We did a modified Ferber when Joshua was about 6 months old and it worked and I was praising the sweet baby Jesus and his mother that it worked because I’d gone back to teaching and I was exhausted.
It was the hardest 50 minutes of my life. But it worked.
And then he started walking and it didn’t work anymore. And then I couldn’t do it again because he knew me and was calling me by name.
So that’s my word of caution about Dramababies and their personalities. There might come a point when you have to figure something else out. Like Benadryl.
No judging here. While we always tried to put Superbaby down for naps and the night in his crib, he sometimes would have nothing of it and so we would both go sleep in my bed. It was magic sleep time for everyone. We did cry it out at about 6 months. It’s a fucking miracle working thing, after a few days, once they get it. Miracle. I spent the first night sobbing on the floor outside his room. Restrained by my husband, because I became rather hellbent on going in to soothe him. You’ll get off schedule when he teeths, or gets sick, and then you might have to go through the crying all over again once baby is better. Sucks a nut. But it’s worth it for everyone, even baby, because zombie sleeplessness is not good for anyone.
Shit. I always said my baby would never sleep with us, and then I had a baby.
Caroline slept with us for um, like 16 months. And then we moved her crib to our BEDROOM 3 months ago and she’s still there. And I love it. Judge if you will. She’ll make it to her cool room eventually, but right now, things are just fine.
My son is 2 & 1/2 and I still repeat half those signs you have up.
Hey MODG – I don’t think I suggested this because I knew you weren’t taking non-hippie suggestions – but if you want to do routine/schedule and sleep in his own bed, the book 12 weeks to 12 hours of sleep is awesome! It’s short, to the point and can be read in one sitting for sleep-deprived mamas who just need quick answers, and with anything take what works from it and make it your own… Nothing wrong with letting them cry a little.. We all do it.. Except for the super magical armpit braided unicorn fart hippies… Love you, glad something’s working… Keep up the hard work!
Thank you so much for this post! After I read it, my fiance found me crying my heart out and all I could say is – we’re not the only ones! I have decided that there are so many liars out there and this seems to be the temple of truth!
Yayaya!! I am obsessed with baby sleep. My babes is 7 months old tomorrow (OMG) and I haven’t figured out how to schedule him. He goes to bed the same time every night and wakes up different times every day. How do I schedule the rest of his naps based on that?? I’ve tried. And failed. If you figure that out, please share the wealth.
PS. Hardcore attachment mom’s can be SO mean. My SIL thinks my baby is “unattached” because he DOESN’T cry when she holds him. You just can’t win. People shooting bitch pistols from every direction.
Eff what everyone has to say about it. This is your baby and you can raise him how you see fit. You can’t please everyone MODG. I wish you, B and ababy G all the luck in the world. Never let the haters bring you down.
I had my oldest in a bassinet in our room and put her on her stomach to sleep because that was the only way she would sleep. I also let her sleep in her swing for a full month at night in our room at about 3 months just to get some g-d sleep. I then used the Ferber method, which kind of worked. I basically freaked out thinking my kid was never going to sleep. Guess what? She worked it out, and now that she is two years old, she goes to sleep with no fuss in her own room and sleeps all night AND THEN GETS UP AT 5:30 EVERY MORNING. Bottom line, parents do what is best for THEIR child and the judgy mcjudgersons of the world can bite it.
I have things written all over my house and my car too!! Not necessarily about babies (since I don’t have any), but inspirational/stay focused kind of things. Love it!!
I’m so happy I’ve found your blog – my daughter is 8 months old and she too had major feeding issues for the first four months of her life. I felt like I was a horrible parent most of the time due to her shrill, super-sonic screams. Now I know I’m not, and that it all does get better.
I was never going to let her sleep with me – until she was three weeks old and I couldn’t take waking up every half hour. I was also never going to let her cry herself to sleep…until I too decided I needed some of my life back (and by that time I’d learned the difference between her “I’m annoyed” cry and her “OMGIMDYINGPICKMEUP” cry). I wish I’d kept track of all that on my blog…but I was too tired!
Happy Mother’s Day MODG!
I TOTALLY did the exact same. Boo Boo was with us for five or six months then I HAD to get her in the crib….good luck.
Thanks for the reply
So all thx to YOUR awesomeness…last night was our 1st night of CRYING-IT-OUT. I totally copied your sign idea and shed a few tears myself (at one point I think I felt my throat constricting) but over all it wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be. Thanks again for the inspiration, I totally read your post to my husband and I think it really helped get him on board. We did both miss having her close by in the night, but I know it’s important and we were just not sleeping well. But I don’t have to explain any of this to you 
You know, based on some of your previous parenting moves I wondered if you were a cosleeper as well. We totally did it with both of our kids and they lived.
It worked for us for all the reasons you mentioned. But yes. Eventually we kicked em out so we could all get some better sleep once the nurse-every-hour stage was over. It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be to transition them out.
You are one Holy Amazing Mamma!!! Just the fact that you took the time to put the signs up…awesome. Don’t worry about anybody else and what they think because you’re right, what they’re thinking and what they’re saying might be two totally opposite things. All you have to do is what’s best for your family, that’s the beauty of life. You get to do whatever you want! But I will also say this, when you have a colicky baby, you do what you have to do to survive. The end. A colicky baby and a non-colicky baby are like two different species. I’ve been there. The things you are going through have been used as torture techniques in Hitler times, I’m not even kidding. So hang in there. Lots of mammas have made it through, we might have less hair, less hearing, less sanity and a little ptsd, but that’s okay! We have georgous babies that will rule the world! Don’t ever forget that you are doing incredibly great. Mothering (parenting) is THE most difficult and most important job in the whole world. And you are totally kickin ass. Remind yourself often.
Its funny, I said I would never ever let the baby sleep in bed with me due to fear of rolling over on her…then in the hospital after I had her, the crunchy nurse told me I wouldnt roll over on her and to let her sleep with us. She said people who kill their babies in bed are usually drunk or on drugs. ha. It started one early morning after a feeding. I was just too tired to put her back in her bassinet and she just slept in bed with us. We all woke up alive. Then, we did it the next morning. She is now going to bed in her crib, but after her 3/4/5 AM feeding (which ever time she wakes) she stays in bed with me until I get up for the day. I never even fear rolling over on her now. I mean, its not like I rolled over on my husband before, so why would I roll over on her? Glad you got G in the crib though.
My son was 100% breastfed for 13 months… he’s currently 4 1/2 years old and STILL sleeps in the bed with me. So yeah, whatev!
Also, I’m a single Momma. Having the kiddos in my bed/close to me, tricks my brain into thinking that everyone is just a little bit safer. So again, whatev! I don’t care what others think.