Hey hos. Let’s go.
Guess what? It’s world breastfeeding week. That’s where everyone in the world has to find a lactating breast and take a drink. Hooray!
In honor of this week of boobs, I wanted to 1) draw you a picture of boobs
and if your boobs are actually that round and symmetrical, I shoot rockets at you. SSSS.
and 2) talk about my experience with breastfeeding and the 10 hidden benefits of breastfeeding that you don’t read about in Lucky Magazine. I know, I didn’t see any in there either. Weird.
As many of you know, breastfeeding was challenging for me. What you may not know is that I’m a whiny bitch (ok you know that too) and that breastfeeding is actually challenging for like, everyone. I didn’t know this until I went to a breastfeeding support group and found many people with way worse stuff about their boobs than mine. The crazy thing is that everyone thinks that they are the only one with broken boob holes, when in reality, no one knows what they are doing and it’s not natural. You need support and help to get the milk hole to work right.
So I would encourage everyone to give boob squirts a shot. And you’ll probably need a wise old lady to show you how. It’s fine.
So here are the 10 things that people didn’t tell me about breastfeeding that is unicorn strength awesome.
10) Fashion:
You get to buy new clothes, like v-necks which make your boobs more reachable. Ok you don’t HAVE to, but you can tell your husband that you HAVE to and he’s like, “well what do I know about breastfeeding? Sure honey go get new clothes”. And if he doesn’t believe you, just highlight this sentence on this blog and show it to him. Tell him that I’m a doctor of milk. Ok here’s the husband sentence:
*When you are breastfeeding, it is physically mandatory that you buy at least 10 new shirts that accommodate breastfeedings. I especially recommend J.Crew to help with lactation. Cute necklaces increase your supply*
9) Excess DVR:
When the baby is tiny, it JUST wants to suck like 97% of the day. This means that you can’t really do a whole lot. What you CAN do is watch a ton of tv. My dvr was jam packed with shows that I never get to truly enjoy like Cats 101, America’s Next Top Vampire Pageant Baby, and ANY show where someone tries on a wedding dress.
8 Super Silencer:
You always always always have a secret weapon to make the crying stop. Month 2-present day, G cried. He just likes to do it. The louder the crying, the more accomplished he feels as a baby. Stick a boob in his mouth and it’s instant peace and quiet. There is no medical limit on how much breast milk a baby can have, so feel free to stuff his face. Not sure what to do with yourself? I think there is a wedding show on oxygen.
7) Support Groups:
Everything in life should have a support group. Have hemorrhoids? Go to group. Have a bad haircut? Go talk about it with your group. Breastfeeding support groups are special though because everyone sees your boobs. That’s a level of bonding there that is slightly higher than regular people interactions. So naturally the conversations then goes to sticking your baby in the sun to make him sleep, magical vagina lubrications, farts (both yours and babies), and husbands annoying the shit out of you (not you B, you’re a star amongst stars). Then guess what? YOU HAVE FRIENDS NOW. LIKE REAL LIFE FRIENDS. I will be breastfeeding G through high school so I can keep going to my group.
6) Lazies:
Everything about breastfeeding is lazy. Baby wakes up at night? Boob in the mouth. Sort of tired? Lay down on your side next to baby, turn on Toddlers and Tiaras and boob in the mouth. Worried about how much to feed, vitamins, nutrients, or a fatty baby? Your boobs will worry for you. Need to bring some breast milk with you for later? It can be at room temperature for like, all day. And if you F that up, don’t worry YOU HAVE MORE ALWAYS.
5) You always win:
Example: B: What a hard day at work. Let’s watch the game.
Me: It was such a hard day keeping our son alive with my own body. Let’s watch 3 hours of The Bachelorette.
B: (hands over remote)
4) Clean vaginas:
I still don’t have my period. Just saying.
3) Skinny:
Everyone knows this one, but it’s too important to not put on the list. 500 EXTRA BURNED CALORIES A DAY. It’s truly the eat your face off, watch tv and sleep diet. I feel like I’ve mentioned tv a lot so far. I like tv.
2) Hippies:
When you say you’re breastfeeding, the hippies flock to you and put their arm around you and give you patchouli love. And who doesn’t love a good hippie hug. Even if you throw aluminum cans of gasoline and cigarettes out of your car window in a meadow of bunnies, if you breastfeed, a hippie will love you. *special club*
1) IT’S FREE.
You are saving your family $105.00 a month by breastfeeding. That makes you an outstanding member of your family. Now go buy yourself that JCrew v-neck with a side of this and tell your husband to shove it up his useless breasts.
1a) Your baby knows his way around a boob at 8 months. *pimp* with the ladies.
The internet psychic says you would like this too:
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 210 comments… read them below or add one }
i love this post. are the boobs in the picture uneven on purpose? because that’s about right too
Three days without MODG and I am rewarded with BOOBS!
The whole breastfeeding thing freaks me out. Like, am I going to feel weird talking to my teenage son and remembering that he was good at latching on? Do I share that with his future, imaginary, girlfriend/boyfriend? Its borderline pedophilic (I think I made that word up) to me.
Luckily I have a few years before I even think about getting a boob obsessed bun in my oven.
Your teenage son is not the same as your baby son. I’ve heard around 10 years old they go into a cocoon and come out a teenager.
My highschool boyfriends mom informed me once that she breastfed him until he was 4. I laughed in both their faces. Not the kind of thing you want to tell a 16 year old girl.
If only I’d known how hard it was and how much of a sacrifice it can be, I may have given her a high five.
ah, the circle of life! I agree, though, that the mom probably shouldn’t have told a 16 year old girl
I will deal with THAT when it comes, depending on the girl’s attitudes, OMGosh!! Especially if she was never breastfed.
Lol! As a 16yo, I would’ve high-fived them both and probably been that much more “in love” with him!
I love this.. I had my son at 16 and breast fed for two years.. so this wasn’t anything weird for me, but I definitely would have thrown it in my boyfriends face a few times.. especially in fights, lol.
Example:
Boyfriend: “You never let me go have fun with my friends, you’re so controlling!”
Me: “Aw poor baby, why don’t you go suck your moms titty and cry to her about it, cause I don’t care!”
It is a natural thing and the best thing you can do for your future child. It is a lot less freaky when you are doing it. Boobs aren’t just for sexual pleasure. We are mammals we feed our babies what formula companies try to re-create artificially using cow milk or soy. It’s magic stuff too. I’ve heard it can cure eye infections and all sorts of other stuff. I don’t know I was glad nobody got an eye infection while I was lactating. I have two boys both breastfed. I don’t think I’ll share the details with them, but if their future wives/girlfriends have questions about baby feeding I’ll be there armed with tips and info on how great boobs are!
Up until me son was born I was a little uneasy about the whole having my nipple in someone’s mouth thing, but once your baby is born that goes away. My son is 2.5 and still nursing, and believe me there is nothing about it that makes me think pedophilia.
I don’t see why it would be any more weird than any other intimate things you share with your babies, do you feel weird washing their privates, watching them run around naked, play with themselves as so many babies do? It’s just part of them being babies, it’s what nature intended.
HA! I have a preteen son, who I nursed to 24 months. I LOVE to tell him he breastfed. It embarrasses him. Maybe I just enjoy embarrassing him. LOL…. However, he has seen me nurse the rest of his siblings (including his currently nursing 14 month old baby brother), so he understands that its natural and right!
Ladies, you are awesome in providing informative and REAL feedback! I have always been confident that when the time comes it will just feel right, but the reassurance is amazing.
Trust me, you won’t be talking to your teenage son and thinking about breastfeeding. Well, you may be wishing he saw more women breastfeeding with their breasts instead of flaunting them in low cut, tight shirts that make him think of other things!
My son is 17 and quite the lactivist. He sees me nursing his younger sister and knows the magic of the boob. If she cries he says ” Can’t you just stick a boob in her mouth?”. He also wouldn’t let me donate formula samples to the food bank because he didn’t want some Mom to be booby trapped. He said ” What, poor kids don’t deserve the good stuff too?”. He will make a fab father someday.
He is going to make and awesome father, and an awesome husband to a very lucky women lol!
If you treat breastfeeding as normal, as I do (and did) with my son, he will not find it odd or whatever. I taught my kids the proper body terms early on and my now older son knows what I did (and still do) for a living: teach women to breastfeed
I do correct him when he says “boobs” cuz I prefer the term breasts, but that’s just me! Deal with this issue when you HAVE a teenage son, kwim?! By then, if you enjoyed BF, you’ll love remembering cuz you’ll miss it by the time he’s a teenager, unless you have another little one at home, LOL!!
Hah my kids are s:22 and d:18. I love reminding my daughter that she nursed till she was TWO! and now that you mention it I think we’ll go there this weekend with her bf. Bwah hah!
Sure, you’ll remember it when your son is a teenager. Those lovely memories might be the only thing that keep you from throwing him and his smart mouth out in the street.
My son is not only NOT embarrassed about breastfeeding until he was 4, he LOVES to tell his friends… if they make a face or are dumb enough to make a disparaging remark, he tells them that’s why he’s so much smarter than they are. I love that boy… man… man-boy.
Nope. Once puberty hits and the body snatchers steal away your son, leaving an ‘emo-kun’ clone in his place for about 6 years, you forget how sweet and good he once was…
In all seriousness, it disappears as a thought connection once they develop social skills and friends of their own. Thank heavens for ‘mommy brain’. Had three, breastfed them all, and it does not come up, not even with- the girl.
This is the cutest picture of G! Seriously so much that I had to leave a comment. Also always winning and laszies made me laugh out loud. Lurve.
This is now my favorite blog post ever. EVER.
I’m so reposting this! My only issue is that my supply dropped when I got Mastitis and I’m doing anything to build it back up. I’m at work now so I have to pump..which is a huge pain. Pump, wash, put in fridge (hidden in a mcdonalds bag so nobody eats it) go back to desk and repeat in 3 hours….I do a formula bottle at night but he is upt to 2.5 bottles at daycare and i can’t keep up. I’m drinking the tea but I wish they would produce more.
Great Post!
also eat oatmeal, that increases your supply. whenever you are home you make your husband wash the pump. That is HIS job. Take a nursing vacation. Spend a full 24 hours in bed with your baby (take a day off from work) have skin to skin time and just nurse all day. It will increase your supply
Katharine –
From someone who exclusively pumped for over 12 months, buy muliple pump parts. I ended up with three sets of parts. Brought two to work with me and then washed/sanatized them when I got home, so I didn’t need to do it at work. Best decision ever. You can do it!!!
I agree with Modg. I exclusively pumped for my baby girl who is too fragile to nurse for 14 months. I fought like the dickens to keep her exclusively breastfed until a year (other than medical supplements for keeping her alive). I never had a good supply, but I did have a husband who realized that everything about breastfeeding that extended past having magical breasts was up to him. Moving pump to my new location? Him. Cleaning pump parts? Him (though I highly recommended Medela’s sterilizing bag and having enough pump parts to last while he’s away). Putting away breast milk, warming it later, and feeding our baby at 2 am? Him. He did that while I pumped from the bed and continued after I stopped night pumping.
He’s seriously awesome and a huge supporter of the importance of mommy’s milk and is probably the reason why I made it so long. He wants to add that he also just really likes breasts.
My doc also told me drinking beer is a good for keeping your supply up as well-
I’m planning on breast feeding when I have my daughter in October. The thing that solidified it for me was the amount of my mom’s friends who were all told by their doctors to drink a glass of wine or beer to keep up milk production! That’s definitely another bonus
interesting. My MW just told me the opposite. That hops are great for milk production, but that the alcohol inhibits production, and beer nowadays doesn’t have the same amount of hops that it used to, so it doesn’t really help to drink, and can actually hinder BFing.
this is true.
the alcohol also goes into your milk, and relaxes your baby, inhibiting the sucking reflex. Everyone feels more relaxed, but that’s not necessarily a good thing when what you are feeling relaxed about is a baby who ain’t eating enough.
I will admit that I did use this particular tactic once or twice when he was really fretful and we were out for dinner and I just wanted to chew an entire mouthful of steak without having him flip out on me, but I wouldn’t recommend it for more than that. Also, microbrew have more hops, so treat yourself to something nice!!
I was told the same thing as well when I had mastitis. I took my antibiotic in the morning, had a beer at night, and survived! Oh, and some yogurt to keep up with the probiotics
Beer definitely helps…the darker you can stand the better (has more hops). I had horrible production and did all I could to *almost* exclusively bf. Beer helps. Too bad I can’t stand the stuff. But I drank it anyway…..and every time I did I had an ample amount of milk in the morning.
It’s one of those “everything in moderation” things. =)
Feel free to try it, but technically it is a myth. You also do not want to drink too much, but I advise my clients that people in Europe do not change their drinking habits when they are pregnant and/or nursing: they still drink wine every day, just not too much
I found that out the hard way! I drank one beer on a Friday night and had engorged boobs for 3 days (I did not have a supply problem).
Drinking beer is an old wives’ tale that does not work. Oatmeal does. Also try goat’s rue supplement if already using the tea. It worked for me. Good luck!
Take motilium. It is THE BOMB for supply issues. I had a terrible, terrible no-milk making lazy nurser and that got the milk flowing. You have to order if from inhousepharmacy(.biz) and wait awhile and hope that it doesn’t get stuck in customs, but Kellymom.com (the bible of breastfeeding) says it’s okay and it totally works.
Good luck – once I went back to work it was OVER for breastfeeding for us. She was like, bitch please, this bottle is awesome and I don’t care what’s in it.
Oh and FYI breastfeeding kept me fat – it doesn’t make everyone skinny. SO sad for me.
Add some flax seed to the oatmeal for extra bonus. I also was taking brewers yeast, fenugreek, and blessed thistle for an ultra supply boost when I was working and pumping. Thankfully, I get to be a SAHM and don’t have to. Though I am attempting to pump a small supply for a roadtrip. So my ds can have a quick bottle if we can’t pull over to nurse…
I second that! used it for many, many months with my last 2 (along with the occasional beer from the last conversation I posted on-lol). If one truly, truly has supply issues, and has tried everything, try Motillium. Trust me….
I’m having some serious supply issues. I’ve met with the lactation consultant 4 times and nothing seems to be helping. I’ve tried oatmeal, fenugreek, and the occasional beer and my supply went up from 10mL to an ounce from each breast. However, now I’m stuck in a holding pattern. I really wanted to exclusively breastfeed my son, but lactation and the pediatrician told me we had to supplement with formula to get his weight up. I was so depressed when the told me we’d have to supplement. I’ve been trying everything to get him off the formula. On top of what I listed above, I’ve been pumping every 2-4 hours and I’ve been trying out the SNS (supplemental nursing system) by Medela. I asked my OB if she could write me an Rx for motilium, but apparently we can’t get it here in the US. If I were able to get this how much is a girl supposed to take…and for how long?
Hey there, J…
I read your comment and my heart breaks for you… I went through the EXACT same thing. The good news is, my baby boy is a year old now and we are still nursing. But I shed many, MANY tears over the last year. I do have a couple more tips for you that you could try… Try Mother’s Milk Tea (there are several brands, they are all good) and also More Milk Plus (herbal supplement) by Motherlove. And you CAN get Motilum online without a Rx. I ordered mine here:
http://www.inhousepharmacy.biz/p-17-motilium-10mg.aspx
It takes a couple weeks for it to arrive because it’s shipped from overseas. My doc wrote me a Rx even though I technically didn’t need one to order the stuff online, but at least I had a starting point as far as doses go. I started with 30mg three times a day for two weeks (didn’t notice a difference in supply), then up to 30mg four times a day for two weeks. It could take up to a month for the stuff to work, but you have to keep up with pumping. It will only work if you are nursing and pumping a lot. Unfortunately, for me… it didn’t bring up my supply. Turns out I have insufficient glandular tissue, which only affects about 3% of women. But I had to try everything in order to know for sure if I could turn things around.
Once I came to terms with my situation, and realized I had no choice but to supplement, a friend told me about an awesome network of women on facebook who donate their extra milk, called “Human Milk 4 Human Babies”!
http://www.facebook.com/hm4hb
This seriously eased a lot of my stress because I really didn’t want my baby getting formula if he didn’t HAVE to. You can find local moms who actually have a surplus of milk and want to donate it to other moms/babies. It is amazing, and I’ve actually made some great friends in the process. As far as knowing where this milk is coming from, you can ask for medical records. The way I saw it, these women pumped this milk to give to their OWN children, so I trusted that if it was good enough to give to their precious babes, it was good enough for mine. I asked if they were taking any meds and what their diets were, etc. and they were very up front and honest. And then I met them in person and met their babies, have even gone on playdates! I’ve gotten most of my donated milk from my breastfeeding support group friends, and I am soooo grateful for that. It’s not quite what I envisioned when I set out to breast feed, but it was the next best thing to giving Owen my own milk.
I hope that you can find what works for you and your son and know that you are not alone. Feel free to email me privately if you have questions or need support.
Milky love,
Rachael (and Owen)
Have you been checked for Insulin Resistance? You sound a lot like me! I start with a huge oversupply, then it tanks about 5 months in. Motilium is the only thing that helped with my second baby. I also don’t loose any weight until about 2 months after weaning.
I was diagnosed just over a year ago with insulin resistance. My insulin levels were 6 times what they were supposed to be, and it’s what was screwing up the nursing relationship.
I had the same problem, Katharine! You can do it!! It’s hard. I wasn’t working at the time, so it wasn’t as difficult for me. One thing you might want to consider is using a Supplemental Nursing System at night instead of the bottle. That way, he stimulates your milk production while he gets the formula. I used the SNS for a month and a half and pumped after each feeding. It was hell, but 18 months later we are still going strong.
BIG HUGE HUGS!!!
Hi Katharine!
I bfed 2 kiddos, just wrapped up with the second one, and got mastitis both times sumfin’ awful!!!! Both times when they were a week old. I was a milk producing machine and couldn’t stay empty to save my life and got infected. During mastitis, all the pumping and nursing you do should keep you drained during the healing period and also act to increase your supply. I agree with modg, take a day off to lie in bed with that baby and just nurse away. And the real reason why I wanted to hit ‘reply’ was to say that 1) FENUGREEK will save your life!! Get a bottle of capsules and take several a day, and 2) drink TONS of water, and you will have milk out your wazoo-holes. And you will smell like maple syrup and not like a new stinky mother. GOod luck I hope you feel better!!!!
I never worried about zealously washing pump parts. Like the article says, breastmilk can hang around outside of the fridge all day, so it’s fine on the parts. I just gave them a really quick rinse and went back to work. Sometimes I didn’t either bother to rinse them. Sterilizing? Whatever. Breast milk is sterile. I also didn’t worry about the fridge thing so much. One time I left the pumped milk in my purse all night. I smelled it. It was fine. Fed it to him anyway. I also pumped at work 2-3 times a day for a year and it admittedly wasn’t the most fun ever. I didn’t pump quite enough so he had a little formula during the day. A very very little because we insisted that he never got more than a 4 oz bottle. People overfeed with bottles all the time (even breast milk). Then I nursed like a champ throughout the night. I think I was asleep during most of it. You can do it! You will look back and realize that the pumping was year or so out of your life and it was really just a blip in time!
Oh yeah…and I took Motilium/Domperidone from In House pharmacy in New Zealand too and it was the bomb! We nursed for 16 months because of it. If I hadn’t have been pumping and working, we wouldn’t have needed any formula at all.
Try a guiness dark beer. The European hops is supposed to help with supply.
Katherine- I’ve also dealt with Mastitis (and Thrush at the same time), and had a dwindling supply… skin to skin and nursing on demand will work (I like MODG’s “Nursing Vacation” idea, but I’d recommend taking a Friday and Monday, so you can have 4 uninterrupted days of nursing…) also, once baby empties a breast, pump that side (it makes your body think baby needs more, and after a couple of tries, you WILL produce more)… Lastly, check out MilkMakers cookies… they are phenomenal (they taste great, and they really help your supply… I saw a 2 ounce increase in 2 days… and no, they aren’t paying me, their magical ingredients are oats, flax seed meal, and brewers yeast (and CHOCOLATE)) Good luck!!!
I’m still BFing my 2 1/2 yo and I noticed a big drop in supply when she finally stopped waking for a feed in the wee hours of the morning. I remember reading/hearing somewhere way back in the early days that overnight feeds are really important for keeping your supply strong. I’m not sure what your sleeping arrangements are (we still cosleep) but could you give him a feed somewhere between 1 – 4am? That might help keep you going (as would cosleeping, in fact, even if it’s just a cot in your room).
OK, mama — there are a few things you can do to make your life easier
1. Don’t worry about washing your pump parts between pumps. Breastmilk can sit out for like 8 hours at room temperature; if the milk in the bottle won’t go sour, then it won’t go sour on the pump, either. Just wash when you get home, or the last pump of the day if you leave your pump at work.
2. Take lecithin to prevent future blocked ducts and mastitis.
3. How much milk are you sending to daycare? Have you seen the milk calculator? Breastfed babies take in, on average, 25oz per 24 hour period. That’s one oz per hour. Unlike formula fed babies, that seem to get bigger and bigger bottles, your baby should be getting a 3-4 oz bottle every 3-4 hours. Many daycares do not know how to pace a feeding of a breastfed baby to give baby adequate burping and sucking time, and pumping mamas get boobytrapped thinking they should be providing 15-20 oz for a 10 hour separation, which is WAY more than their baby would normally take in during that time. To add insult to injury, because baby is so stuffed during the day, he won’t eat as much at night, which can lead to supply issues, plugged ducts and… mastitis. Sucky, huh?
http://www.Kellymom.com has LOTS of information on this: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html
I drank protien shakes and lots of water and I ended up with too much milk….
Yes OATMEAL as much as you can stand in a day! I exclusively pumped and always thought I had a low supply, I did but not at the times I pumped. If that makes sense. I could always pump two 4 oz bottles a day (had to supplement) but that’s only because I just could not find more time to pump. I always thought 4 oz was so little but my daughter NEVER drank more than a 4 oz BM bottle although she always required a 6 oz formula bottle. I retrospect, I should have pumped more often but, I really didn’t have any support from the people around me. I did it because I WANTED to do it and for no other reason. But Fenugreek, lots of oatmeal (especially right before or around the time you will pump) and extra pumping sessions for a couple days and you supply WILL increase. I must also add that when I finally made up my mind to breastfeed my daughter was almost 3 weeks old and my milk had “dried” up so I got my supply without ever actually breastfeeding my child because at that point there was no getting her to latch onto inverted nipples when she could suck a bottle much easier. So, anything is possible!
FENUGREEK!!! It’s a herbal pill & does wonders for your milk supply. COMPLETELY safe.
Long time reader- first time comment. I give you props for staying with the boobs this long! I have 2 dramababies. Thing 1 was colicky and couldnt latch on. Thing 2 just couldnt latch on and here we are almost 10 months later and he still doesnt sleep thru the night!!!!
Love your honesty- And it makes me feel so much better when i know other people and their dramababies are just like me
Keep up the good work MODG
Even if you throw aluminum cans of gasoline and cigarettes out of your car window in a meadow of bunnies, if you breastfeed, a hippie will love you.
Loving this…wish I had of got the skinnies from breastfeeding, too bad for me.
I LOVE this post. : ) I literally started to write an article to send to Mothering Magazine that pinpointed all the best reasons to breastfeed that no one talks about (Mothering Mag is no longer in publication – boo)…. TV watching, instant baby silencer, excuse to nap when the baby naps were all on there. Glad I am not the only one who appreciates the “other” side of breastfeeding (along with all the healthy stuff too!) Thanks for making me laugh!
Love the post, as always. So glad you’re finally getting PAID to write! Breastfeeding was the best thing I ever did…..and I had nooooooo milk. Breastfed and pumped for 4 months and poor girl only got drops at a time. But, every little bit helped her. I wish I would have joined a support group. I would still be breastfeeding now. Kudos for you for sticking with it. G is presh—absolutely to die for! So glad you’re enjoying motherhood more and more each day. Hugs!
LOVE this!!! re-posting on FB.
I was unsuccessful in BF’ing my first baby (who is now 3) and am on month 3 of successfully EBF’ing my second….this post is great and more moms who are going to BF need to read it!
I love this post!! And I wish I could have breastfed for WAY longer. Unfortunately I only got to do 10 weeks due to a severe yeast infection in my milk. But next baby…we’re making it happen! And thank you for being so honest about it all. It has its downsides, but the upsides are so much more awesome. You totally put a silver lining on all the downsides.
I had a bad yeast infection on mine too, which I got from my son having thrush…anyways I took the pearls probiotics 2 a day of the yeast blend and it was gone for both of us in about 2 days. I know you’re finished bfing now but in case it happens with you next kid or something. Just thought I would throw that out there
omg, this sounds just like my life when I was breastfeeding!! it’s true, at first you’re like-this blows I need help-then it fades and you’re like, holy crap this is amazing in every way! (especially when the alcohol test strips came out-it was the glory days) good job!!
i love how one boob is bigger than the other. my left boob produces more milk and always looks bigger than the right. my right boob is so broken! thanks for the laugh. I reposted on my fb…i think people think i’m a crazy boob feeder now! i’m just lazy and if you’re lazy…ur a boob feeder
Mine are the same way, but that is because I nurse while I sit at the computer, not my DVR, so he sucks extra long when I have my mouse in my right hand and him on the left. And I’m totally a boob feeder because I’m lazy!
Paula!! hahahahah!! That’s exactly my problem with the left boob on the computer.. but we make up for it. I sleep on my right side and he just nurses there all night long.
I’m so lazy I haven’t been able to wean my 3 year old while pregnant with the next. Everyone says ‘you have to wean before baby arrives in 6 weeks – but I just can’t handle the fuss he makes when I tell him we should stop. Also, taken to nursing just out of my right boob for the last 3 months because it is more comfortable in bed – which is the only place he gets nursed anymore.
WRT the beer – I was also told by my doctor that most domestic beers don’t contain the hops which helps BF, however, the beer helps you relax and that is a big boost for supply issues.
Unless you have an issue with preterm labor, there’s no reason to wean before birth, and tandem nursing (nursing an infant and toddler at the same time), although not for everyone, can be an AWSOME experience. It really does help with sibling rivalry and jealousy issues. I remember sitting on the couch with our DD (9#,5oz – a big girl!) and DS (22 mos) both nursing – he seemed enormous all of a sudden. But then he reached out his hand and rubbed his baby sister’s head and it was absolutely amazing. I tandem nursed for 2 years and in that time, we could be having the most miserable time and I would sit down and latch them both on and they would giggle and play with each other’s fingers and heads and all the yucky-ness of the day would just fade away. Precious, preacious time. I strongly recommend the book, “Adventures in Tandem Nursing” not only for its good information but also because it’s hysterical!
Oh – for supply issues – check out Motherlove(dot)com – they have a wonderful product that’s MUCH better than taking 60 capsuls of “stuff” a day. And the best recommendation on water is to drink to thirst – overhydrating causes a DECREASE in milk supply.
I definitely stick him on the boob for some computer time. hungry or not! mom needs peace to read MODG or Facebook! lol. I think that the bigger left boob is now going to switch with the right boob b/c all of a sudden he hates my left boob and only wants to nurse on the right. He seriously gags when i put him on my left these days! I end up needing to pump b/c its about to explode!!! I told him there’s nothing coming out of the right side but he just gives me a look like “whatever woman, I know what i’m doing. go back to your blog reading”
Maybe an addendum to point 4- use your clean vagina wisely… my best bud got pregnant with baby #2 while breast feeding baby #1… I think it’s pretty uncommon (something about your body’s own natural birth control and natural family planning and all that) but still! it can happen…
Oh no. It’s not that uncommon at all. Every mom I know got their period back at around 3 months, except one. I personally got pregnant TWICE while still breastfeeding (why my first 2 kids were 14 mos apart).
I was *lucky*!! I didn’t get my period back until my DD was 1 year old!
My first two children are just barely 10 months apart because I believed you couldn’t get pregnant while nursing…lol!!
Depends on how old your baby is, and a few other things. “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” is a great resource for that info. EBF can be a great natural family planner… But it’s still definitely possible to get pregnant while breatfeeding… I personally have done it 4 times, including while nursing two babes at once (toddler & baby), and while nursing twins.
I have two children under two and haven’t had a period in over three years. Do the math.
Yup, I was one of the lucky ones who got pregnant while breastfeeding, and before my period came! My hubby likes to joke that I’m a very efficient baby-maker. The last two eggs I ovulated have turned into children!
I am currently reading this with my 10 week old son Quinn on my boob, while warding real housewives of NY. ( my personal fave of the real housewives family of quality programming) – I LOVE u for this post ( among many others!) All of these points are SO TRUE! I have been eating delicious Dominos pizza like a champ lately, and still lose weight, AND my hippie aunt came over yesterday to see the baby and kissed my add HARD CORE just because i’m breast feeding. Good times.
Bee tee dubbs, I should probably mention that I TOTALLY ripped off your nursery. Keep meaning to send u pics. Grey walls, tree/bird decal, origami bird mobile and all. Jocked the whole dang thing. What’cha think a them apples? Does my kid owe your kid money now or something? If so, will he take an IOU, because I am currently blowing all of my money on 1) baby polo shirts 2) baby suspenders in a variety of sassy colors 3) Goslings dark rum, ketel citroen, and every other booze known to man and 4) a endless nursing over priced nursing bras, in the hopes if finding something vaguely sexy. No luck so far.
HOTmilk bras. new Zealand company with stockists all over the internets, probably on sale at the moment. Best nursing bras ever. Just saying’.
Awesome – will try one – thanks!!
Damn it – I am “watching” real housewives – not “warding”
and my aunt kissed my “ass” not my “add” – This is what I get for trying to type one handed with a baby on boob.
Sarah, you just gotta figure out how to balance baby’s head on your left forearm a little closer to the elbow bend. Then you can type TWO-handed, like I’m currently doing! The problem for me is that my arms and hands get numb instantly, so I’m typing this with numb fingers. … just know this, the “backspace” key is literally BALD of lettering at this point. Shiny Bald.
A Boppy pillow works great for that, lol.
Agree with the boppy… that’s what I’m using now and its GREAT!!
I too am reading with my boob in my 18 day old human breast pump. Ad I’m watching one of the trillion new Texas based reality shows- and don’t feel bad! I caught up on all the Real Housewives and Celebrity Rehab. I also love that I can steal back the baby from anyone else under the guise of “she needs to eat!”
love this post, love breastfeeding (at a year with my 2nd now), love your artwork, love you ~ berenstain bear (that’s what I’m watching with my 3 year old right now) hugs being sent your way
Seriously…WTF is your fb page address. My phone blows butt chunks and just takes me to my home page.
This has nothing to do with boobs- but that J.Crew necklace you linked? I own it. It’s my favorite. It goes with everything. Buy it.
THE funniest post you have ever written! Maybe it’s because I’m feeding a 3 month old with my boobies, I laughed through the whole thing- and related a ton!
Amen, sister!
And 18 months without a period over here! Halle-freaking-lujah.
*sigh*…great post. Too bad my tits are currently broken..I’m pretty sure that my milk has dried up at two months in..plus, the baby looks at my tits like they owe her money.
I was breastfeeding while I read this:-D I love that picture of G!
so true. it sucked so much at the beginning, and then you learn what you’re doing and breastfeeding doesn’t suck, and is mostly perks. thanks for sharing the truth. (oh, and thanks for sharing a while back about the amazingness of the bravado nursing bra. i ordered one and my boobs no longer hate me… except for when i’m washing it and wear my cheapo H&M nursing bra.)
~Jaime
howtobehousewife.blogspot.com
Looove the skinnies! I pulled on a pair of my skinny 27s this morning and they were baggy! To all them beechez who said having a baby would wreck my body, I say kiss my skinny ass! And my giant porn boobs!
Have an extra helping of cheescake for dessert? Pump an extra bag! Medically approved binge & purge baby.
(and by dessert, I mean breakfast)
You girls are making me laugh so hard my little 21 day old peanut keeps getting shaken off my boob!! Now HE’S looking at them like they owe him money, and I can’t stop laughing I have tears in my eyes!! Can’t wait for that cheesecake breakfast..lol!!
This is honestly the best post you’ve ever written. I don’t even have a baby and I am laughing my ass off. I read the whole thing to my boyfriend. He may disown me on our Facebook relationship statuses for revealing so much truth about breastfeeding to him, but truth is, he laughed his ass off too.
This. Is. Awesome-sauce. And I am TOTALLY going to use #5 on my husband all the time!
#11 it gets you out of doing shit you don’t want to do. Mom needs help shopping all day for something that should take a normal person one hour–can’t got to feed the baby. Husband is gone and the lawn needs to be mowed–can’t all that sweating ruins a girls supply (probably a lie, but dudes don’t know it). Have a meeting right after work–can’t I need to pump, guess I’ll be like 30 mintues late (lie again, other people don’t know it takes less time!). Love the blog–my son is just about 8 months so it is fun to see what you are going through, too!
I love this post, I am due in Jan. and I plan on breast feeding so I love to hear about it from a straight shooter. You’re right, everyone, especially hippies love it when I tell them I plan on breastfeeding.
THIS IS CRUCIAL (because the offer ends tonight)! For preggos and breast feeders who haven’t yet purchased a nursing cover and have thought about getting one: http://www.uddercovers.com is offering FREE nursing covers (that are normally $32). All you have to pay is shipping. And for you hippie sling lovers: http://www.sevenslings.com is also offering FREE slings (normally $39). Again, all you pay is shipping. The promo code is FIT. And no, these aren’t my sites. I don’t get any money if you jam to these. But I jam to them. I bought one of each today, and I was so happy that someone else shared the good word with me that I thought I’d pay it forward.
Now you go and pay it forward by visiting my site: http://www.meaghanselki.com. I’m a writer and a stay at home mama trying to make a living doin’ what I love (which includes resumes, newsletters, case studies, etc.).
So MODG, long time stalker, first time commenter. If you make it to the end of this comment, then infinite sparkle hearts shall be yours.
I’m a first-time mommy to an 11 week old, and I’m breastfeeding (and returning to work in a month *tear*). I don’t know if it was the amazing areolas (areolae?) that inspired me to comment or the hilarious content that followed, but I relate to every. single. point. you made (minor exception – the skinnies – I still have about 10 lb to go, but I gained nearly 50, and some ppl hold onto the last 10 or so…). Pass the potato chips.
I was pretty mellow in many aspects of my pregnancy, birth plan, child-rearing ideas, etc., but one thing I was hell-bent on succeeding in was breastfeeding. Little man J had trouble latching on while I was in the hospital, and it KILLED me to have to pump out my itty bitty amounts of colostrum so that he could take it in a bottle. After about a week and a half, though, the kid got it, and he and my boobies have been BFF ever since. For serious, this kid is like a heat-seeking missile. No lights? No problem. I feel very lucky (and proud of myself) that I stuck to it and we were able to make it work, even though my husband (who, along with his siblings, was formula fed) kept saying, “It’s ok if we have to switch over”. NO, DAMMIT. I MUST BE SUCCESSFUL AT ALL THINGS BOOBIE.
The point? I got my wish – J and I could qualify for the BFing Olympics – 5 minutes and the kid is done. It helps that – despite my small bubs – I have a supply that would rival a family-owned dairy. Now here’s the problem – THE KID HATES BOTTLES. He has been given bottles before, we’ve given him one on occasion the whole time. Now, not so much, and, like I said, school starts in a month, and flashing high school students in order to nurse a baby during class is frowned upon. We were at the lactation consultant’s today (which is why this post really hit home for me), and she gave us some pointers, but the kid is raising his tiny middle finger in defiance of the silicone imposter. We’ve tried 7 different types (Avent, Medela, Dr Brown’s, Tommee Tippee, Playtex Ventaire, BreastFlow, MAM). Some brands would be accepted a few times, but not anymore.
I’ve read a lot of junk online about how to get him to take a bottle, spoken to a professional, read books, talked to friends, etc. I’m not the one who’s trying to feed him and I don’t want to starve it out of him (Dr said it’ll give him a negative attitude towards feeding). Does anyone out there in MODGland have any ideas?
My 15 week old refuses the bottle. I was talking to my LC last week, asking what we could do to encourage the bottle. I’m staying at home, so it’s more about mommy and daddy being able to leave baby with the grandparents without a meltdown.
We used a bottle early on, then quit because it was disrupting bf’ing. Now we’re apparently screwed because we’ve waited to long to reintroduce it. Some people have success. My LC recommended trying a sippy cup or a regular cup. Start with just a little bit of expressed milk (like 1/2 oz). Some babies take to a sippy cup, others need you to hold a regular cup to their mouth. Apparently the baby should start lapping up the milk. We’ve been too busy in the past week to try it, but that’s our next trick to try.
The LC also recommended trying bottle feeding in a different position than we would use for bf’ing. ie: Stand up and dance around with the baby in a sitting position in your arms vs. next to your chest. And to try a bottle during non-feeding times, when the baby is content so that it doesn’t get frustrated with the bottle. Or, try offering a bottle near the end of the normal feeding when the baby is relaxed.
Good luck!
BTW, MODG – I love this blog.
My sister introduced me to it a few weeks ago, today’s post had me laughing so hard. I read it aloud to my hubs, and he said he might have to start reading it for the laughs. Bravo.
do you have to give your bubs a bottle? it’s clear he wants the real thing, right from the tap! but yes to what danielle said – cup feed. babies can cup feed very early, lapping it up like a little kitty.
I’m so happy you asked this, I have the same problem, am also a teacher and pumping at work really sucks since lunch is the only time you get to see other adults. My baby used to take the bottle last spring, but now since I’ve been home for summer he’s been full time boob, and now, he refuses the bottle!! I’ve tried the sippy cup but he actually makes a face as if it tastes bad that way (? could the taste really be different-maybe?)
Some women produce milk with a high amount of lipase, which can cause the milk to develop an “off” flavor if it’s been frozen or refrigerated for more than a few hours. Mine was really nasty, actually. Never could get DD#1 to take expressed breastmilk, didn’t even bother with #2.
Anyway, this can be addressed by scalding the milk before storing it (as in immediately after pumping, if possible). If you do it correctly it shouldn’t effect the immunological properties of the breastmilk.
It is over 30 years since I breast fed my two darling daughters – and it was frowned upon back then. I was a hippie to want to do that. (Well, actually, I was a hippie. Science was the answer to everyhting right why BF when medical science is making perfectly good formula. I am thrilled that BF is so normal and natural (until some jerk makes a big deal out o fa mother Bfing in public (here, want to hold the squalligng baby while I put my offending boobies away? ) I was also an overachiever so I really loved the “NO, DAMMIT. I MUST BE SUCCESSFUL AT ALL THINGS BOOBIE.” All you great women, flash ‘em proudly – they are not just the thing of male fantasy but really and truly the best thing you can do for your babe. (p.s. I still have one breast sugnificantly larger than the other – a badge I wear with pride.)
My daughter absolutely refused a bottle as well.. I tried EVERY bottle on Earth with no luck! I tried to give her expressed milk in a sippy cup, wouldn’t drink it.. I kept trying and trying with no luck, needless to say she never took it and im still exclusively nursing from boob at 1yr 1month old.
We had the same thing with my son when he was 12wks and we had to reintroduce him to a bottle. It took 2 weeks, but we finally got him to take a bottle while sitting in a bouncy chair – we couldn’t hold him while we fed him, at least not at first. So try sticking him in the bouncy chair, car seat, whatever so you can feed him without holding him.
Also? It took a bit of a hunger strike. We had to refuse to nurse him until he took a bottle. Of course, my kid’s a chunk – so missing a few feedings wasn’t a big deal health-wise. Like our doc said, kid isn’t going to let himself starve just b/c he’s stubborn.
Found this shared on a friend’s FB page, so funny and so true.
Wanted to share how I got my daughter to take a bottle — she was about 4 months at the time, and we wanted to go away when she was 6 months to a friend’s wedding. Right before every daytime feed, I would offer her a bottle and not make a big deal out of it – the bottle had to be nice and warm (like body temperature) – I would also only offer about an ounce at a time so I wouldn’t waste all my pumped milk (and cry when I had to pour it down the drain). If she wouldn’t take it, I’d just put the bottle away and nurse as usual. I did this for something like 2 weeks for every daytime feed where we were at home – and eventually she took the bottle no problem. Never had a problem again. The sad truth is though, that if you are going back to work and he’s still not taking a bottle, he will eventually. My friend went back when her son was 5 months and he flat out refused bottles for the first 3 days or so, was borderline dehydrated, but he did eventually take them and all was well. Did a bit of reverse cycling as well, but he did take his bottles too. Good luck!
Cup feeding, sippy etc. are all options. You may find that baby will take a bottle if it’s not from you — why nurse off the nasty silicone when mama is around and milk can be had on tap?
Just be sure to read the milk calculator and how to bottle feed a breast fed baby on Kellymom. The info is essential for pumping mamas.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bottle-feeding.html
THIS IS CRUCIAL (because the offer ends tonight)! For preggos and breast feeders who haven’t yet purchased a nursing cover and have thought about getting one: www dot uddercovers dot com is offering FREE nursing covers (that are normally $32). All you have to pay is shipping. And for you hippie sling lovers: www dot sevenslings dot com is also offering FREE slings (normally $39). Again, all you pay is shipping. The promo code is FIT. And no, these aren’t my sites. I don’t get any money if you jam to these. But I jam to them. I bought one of each today, and I was so happy that someone else shared the good word with me that I thought I’d pay it forward.
Now you go and pay it forward by visiting my site: www dot meaghanselki dot com. I’m a writer and a stay at home mama trying to make a living doin’ what I love (which includes resumes, newsletters, case studies, etc.).
P.S. if you see this comment twice it’s because the first one had to await approval (probably because I included links…). Anyway, I got smarter than the computer and took out the links, so I hope it works this time, because the deal ends tonight. Go buy your cute covers and fashionable slings.
love number 2, so true! hippie love
BEST POST EVER! I dont have a baby, but I laughed out loud each point made. Hilarious!!!!!
This post is so true, esplecially the laziness factor. It is so easy to just pop in the boob and ta-da! Evertything is quiet and peaceful. I also like that to a germophobe like me I know I’m giving my five-month old a whole lot of antibodies and passing on my protection to him. The skinnies are great too, I weigh less than when I had my son, and I gained 47 pounds while pregnant! About the no period though, not always true. Mine just reappeared and I thought I had months and months before that. Bleh.
Don’t forget the new bras too! YOu need lots of them too. The expensive kind. I got mastitis all the time, but once I went to a bouji bra boutique and got fitted and got new high dollar nursing bras, the mastitis went bye bye.
**Oh! And there isn’t much that makes a woman feel as good about herself as a spank brand new awesome fitting new bra. (And proper fit is important to prevent mastitis.)
THIS IS THE BEST EVARRRR!
OMG This was hysterical!!!
Love thispost! I am the mom to nine children and my boobs have certainly earned their keep. I rock at breastfeeding! In fact, my youngest is now three years old and still gets her “num-nums” throughout the day and night.
Katrina in CA
They All Call Me Mom
free, skinny, win, and dvr- everything i love, so count me in for whatever it is! best part of this post was your Cats 101 reference. no one understands its a good show
Your posts have inspired me to breastfeed come hell or high water. I gave up after 6 weeks with my first. Today I’m at 10 weeks of nursing my second and going strong. You bring out my inner hippie!
OMG-I LOVE THIS! I am still nursing my 2 year old-cranky toddler needs a nap? Stick a boob in her mouth. Did she get hurt? Again, stick a boob in her mouth. It is a magical cure-all and I do not know why more women do not breastfeed their toddlers! (ok, yes I do, but man–this one is my 4th baby and we never made it this far, and man can the boobage be a life-saver!) Oh, and my 2nd was a cluster nurser-he would eat from about 2 pm until 5, I read books, watched movies–just chilled for those three hours every day–it was AWESOME!
Ditto to what everyone has said! Great post; I’ve actually been thinking about how much I love nursing this week. You pretty much summed them all up. Obviously, the health benefits for baby are amazing. I read the ingredients on a can of formula the other day and almost puked. Not to start a milk war, but I love the fact that breastmilk is so healthy! Plus the skinnies rock! I’m terrified that I’m going to gain weight when I quit. I’m ten pounds under my pre-preggo weight and loving it.
Hee hee you are so funny! Made me laugh hard about a topic I am sore about… literally. My second is a boy one week younger than your baby G, and I don’t know if I’ll make it much longer. I am sad to say I am OVER IT!!! Though I still like the actually activity itself with my little baby, the overall experience with my first child has taken it’s toll. My first went 2.75 yrs breastfeeding,til my bday last month, and would have gone longer/ done more had I let her. She said “I love boo-boos” before she said “I love mama”. I just felt like it got out of my hands, I had no control- she was in charge of my boobs! And it hurts bad when you are pregnant. Also double duty tandem nursing is no fun in my book (some hippies will disagree). So don’t let it go on forever, if you ask me…stop after 1 year!
My son will be 1 years old on the 20th of Aug. and he still breastfeeds.. Since the day he was born he never liked formula. Every time I’d go and give him a bottle of formula he would gag on it.. So I just stuck to breastfeeding him…I love it.. Wish I would have with my oldest son
All I have to say is ” What an Awesome article!!!! Too funny and so true!!! “
I have two teen boys. They were 12 & 15 when I got pregnant. They were horrified that I was still having sex with their father. I breastfed their brother for 2 years. My teens saw my boobies. It was inevitable. But you know what? Both of them strongly believe in breastfeeding now! They would even say, “Hey don’t give our brother that formula crap.” And when he was crying they would beg me to shove a boob in his mouth. Win!
I found my way here via For Babies’ Sake and I’m here to stay! Pretty much everything you wrote had me laughing and I definitely showed my husband the bit about new clothes. I’ve been having a tough time and this has encouraged me to keep breastfeeding…and maybe go to support group meetings for those days when I feel like I just can’t make it. Thanks!!
Support groups are the BEST!
this is brill. like phucking scripture. really. i think i love you.
Milk holes? Patchuli love? You are my new favorite blogger, hands down. I very rarely laugh out loud while clicking around the internets, but I sure did tonight. Thanks!
Boobs, their not just for breakfast anymore! Go babies go!
It is my first night home with my new daughter. She has been on my boobs for five consecutive hours. In between sobbing silently so as not to wake my husband who goes back to work tomorrow, I found this latest post and was able to giggle. Through tears, but still… Improvement. Send me sleeping baby dust and more posts to keep me sane!
Its unusual for a baby to want to nurse for so long. I nursed my first son without much trouble despite him being born via emergency csection . With my second (born 18 months later) I had a second csection but was in terrible pain afterwards that the doctor had trouble controlling. So I was unable to hold my son let alone nurse him for about 10 hrs after his birth. When I did nurse him he cried unless he was nursing. So I kept him on the breast pretty much all day (and got mastitis as a result). I took him to the Dr at 4 days old and he had lost 1 1/2 lbs (they do lose weight but not that much) and the doctor recommended I see a lactation consultant. I went straight from his office to the breast feeding resource center. He was only getting 4cc per feed. For some reason my milk did not come in properly (I suspect because of the delayed start of feeding and my pain). The lactation consultant said it was unusual for that to happen since I had successfully breast feed a child in the past. I was told to supplement with formula and continue feeding and pumping after he fed. A few weeks later my supply was up enough to provide him with all his milk.
I typed all of this basically to say if your baby is nursing for 5 hours straight it would be a good idea to see a lactation consultant to make sure their isn’t a problem. Don’t give up. I wanted to give up (I was exhausted and in pain) but my husband asked me to breastfed the baby for two weeks and if I wanted to stop at that point I could. I agreed and nursed him for nearly 8 months (when I returned to work.)
Yes! Call an LC if you’re having big troubles. If it’s just one of those “off” growth spurt days, sign up for Netflix streaming immediately and discover a new tv series
. Breastfeeding was how I got acquainted with Weeds!
But definitely, whatever you do in life, don’t quit on your worst day!
WAIT! I just read that it’s your first night home. YES! CALL AN LC and a La Leche League leader NOW!!! It’s all going to be okay!
I disagree with “it’s unusual” for a baby to nurse for 5 hrs. Not if he doesn’t have a pacifier! Some kids just want to suck for comfort. So if they want to suck either mom is the pacifier, use a binky, or talk dad into lending a niple.
The first 3 days I was home with my daughter, she at NON-STOP! Literally . . . hang in there with the BF! I did and we are still going strong and she is almost 8 months old . . . and it is glorious, for all the reasons said above
I agree to call an LC if you’re having ANY issues, but from my experience that was pretty typical. I say as much skin to skin and nursing as they want those first few days to get your milk in and supply up. It is really reassuring to go speak with someone though and they can weigh your baby, then you feed and weigh again to know how much they’re taking in. It does get better!
Hi hi. Night two at home with the second coming of don’t put me down disease–milk is in and we are trying for every three hours… My mom is now here to help–god bless that woman. We are supplementing with some formula after each feed because of so few dirty diapers and the peds advice, and we are going to the ped tomorrow for a weigh, etc. Thanks ladies–helps to read comments and advice, especially in the middle of long lonely sleepless nights… Ugh soo tired.
How did it got a the ped today?
She started peeing rivers hours after we left. She is a little bradychardic (sp?) when calm but not at all when pissed off! Going back monday & possibly seeing lc then too– we have good feeds and terrible feeds. Thank you for asking!! Obvi 3 am is my preferred modg time.
Try not to supp too much with the bottle if your goal is to exclusively breast feed. Babies don’t have to work as hard to get formula from the bottle, so will sometimes go for the easiest route. Also, make sure you nurse until baby’s completely done before you supp or you won’t be stimulated to produce as much as you would otherwise. Glad the ped appt went well. All will work out in the end, I”m sure! Keep on with the updates
Hope all is still well.
I freaking laughed my face off. Hubby laughed, too.
MODG, I love you. Soooo funny.
What an awesome post.
my son decided at 14weeks that he didn’t like my left boob anymore and would only feed from the right if I lay in bed next to him. so now he is 11months old and we still lay down to feed. he is still exclusively breastfed as he can’t take solids due to silent reflux.
oh and one thing I forgot to mention… my left boob looks like a teenagers D-cup while my right boob is a very saggy oversized F-cup. god forbit if I had any time for dating I think that alone would scare any prospective boyfriends away.
but after all that I wouldn’t change a thing. I love breastfeeding and since my 11month old weighs 11.4kg from just boob juice he isn’t exactly suffering hehe
This post is radokulously fabullar.
So true. All of it.
biatch-I EBF and I got my period at 7 weeks PP.
And, I just did calculations fo rmy cheap/frugal husband yesterday and WE have saved $1100.00 in my daughter’s FIRST 20 weeks of life by breast feeding and cloth diapering. that takes into account a lot of things that I wont bore you with, but that number is accurate for US. ya- her college savings account is already bigger than my savings account.
Ok I’m like totally in love with you now, and have totally cyber stalked your blog. =}
On a more serious note, awesome post!
This made me laugh. A lot. Especially all the tv talk. I watched all six season of The Wire in my son’s first few months
As a former BF mommy, this is the best article ever on BF! Dr. Boobs, you rock! Maybe Lucky will pick it up!
The lazy part is my FAVORITE part — my son is a year old and the biggest benefit to breastfeeding for me right now is that I get to just cuddle up and stay in bed an extra 20 minutes in the morning instead of going downstairs to make him breakfast right away! I’m all, “Are you sure you don’t want to nurse on the other side? Come on! Just stay awhile longer . . .”
DUDE. I love this post!!! I’m brand new to this blog but I’m in l-o-v-e. My son is 3 weeks old and it’s like there’s a magnetic field between my ninnies and this kid’s face. I love him something major but gosh…babies are SO DEMANDING, right? I’m determined to breastfeed for a year (easy to say 3 weeks in) and humor like this makes all the bumps and bruises a tiny bit easier.
Also, the hippie part is so right on.
I’ve been secretly stalking your blog for about a year now and decided that now is the time so show face since I pee’d my pants a little from laughing so hard! You’re the best MODG!
Thank you for this post. Seriously. I sent it on to my BFFs all met through a support group…our kids are all about 14 months old, and for the most part still nursing. We all work full time outside the home, all nursed until at least 12 months, and hardly a week goes by that we don’t all get together at least once. We’ve seen each other through sudden divorces, sudden husband deployments, supply issues, bottle issues, career changes, daycare issues, the whole gamut. We each know we never would have met, and life would be the lesser, without our fantastic support group. We’re such junkies we’ve started a “graduate” group since nursing until the kids are safely moved into their dorm rooms didn’t seem too practical but we wanted(needed!) that social support outlet. I hope every mom has a chance to access something like this!
I breastfed my two girls, 32 and 28, back when it was almost unheard of….my mother thought I was starving my babies because they were always being fed! I have bad allergies and I’m proud to say because of my 2 1/2 years and 3 /12 years of breastfeeding they have much less allergies than I do! I saved a kaboodle of money, time and energy and LOVED every minute of it and still regret deciding to wean them both so soon….I miss the cuddles, too! But now my 28 year old is 9 months pregnant and I just regret living 200 miles away! She is a baby/mama doula who makes her living helping mamas with babies and babies with mamas! And my oldest is a teacher, so they both work with children I am also proud to report!
Found this last night and my husband was laying in my lap while I was reading seriously laughed so hard I was crying and almost peed all over him.
You are so hilarious. I love this post! Especially the part about breastfeeding being an excuse to go shopping and watch TV. I’ve always wanted to re-watch the entire Gilmore Girls saga . . . looks like I need to have a baby for that to happen!
love.this.post. i am currently knocking through the entire bravo and hgtv on demand offerings. thanks, boobs, you are awesome!
Saw this post on FB…. and holy crap, I’m pretty sure I love you. haha following now….
I call bullshit on #4. Baby boy is 2 mos old today and I just got my period (and yes, he’s exclusively breastfed). Okay maybe I’m just jealous…or PMSy.
Love the blog tho.
Thanks for this post. I was trying to convince my husband last night that even though I was watching every episode of ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ on Netflix it was not because I was planning my 2nd marriage. After showing him this post I think it reassured him that breastfeeding moms just have some weird wiring to watch wedding dress shows.
Awesome! Love it! Especially the hippie comment. Tempted to exchange it for the quote I currently have in my signature line. If I do, all props to you. Fabulous!
My first kiddo had latch issues. I pumped for 8 months. It was horrible. Luckily, my son latched on beautifully and stayed latched on for 16 months! My youngest is a boo-boo addict!! I don’t see her giving up anytime soon. She is 13 months now and has only a marginal interest in table food. And even when she does eat, just MUST nurse afterwards. The little goofy kid.
Boobs Rock! At least, thats what my hubby says. LOL!!!
Modg, this post is awesome! Can people go to boobfeeding group while they’re pregs to get a head start on making friends? Or does the boob-tenant have to already be moved in?
You forgot number 11. the instant way of getting older siblings to bugger off while you watch TV or read a book. Take the breast not currently engaged with baby, point in their direction and squirt. With four sons all breastfed, I can hit a gnat at 50 paces. I’m good!
best-est. post. ever.
I read it yesterday, laughed hysterically (while at work), e-mailed your post to friends/anyone I could think of so they could share in the hysteria with me . . . and then re-read it.
Got to work this morning . . . needed a morning pick-me-up (and since I am BF and couldn’t have another cup of coffee) I read your post again . . . awesome-ness!
You are hilarious! And everything included in this list is absolutely true!!! Thanks MODG.
LOVE this!!!!!! I wasn’t able to experience breastfeeding with my son, I am SO excited to be able to do it this time around!!! Thank you!!!!
I don’t consider the hippie thing a benefit, I wish I could make them stay far, far away, but I agree with the rest!
Just saw this on FB and I love this post!! Following your blog now!!
I didn’t realize that breastfeeding kept you thin. It makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. You’ve just convinced me.
Parents need humor to get through the tough times. Thanks for sharing some with us. Nicely done.
Hiya! I’m another lazy EBFer (weaning? Ech! Talk about effort…) and this post rings sooooooo true for me, although I’m a sci-fi nerd so used the early days to rewatch Buffy and Stargate SG1. :] This is the first time I’ve ever read your blog and can I just say that I love the fact that there are only positive comments here. You’ve clearly found a way to write about motherhood in such a manner that everyone relates and relaxes with you. Nice work!
I loved this! I do agree with another commenter, BF does get you out of doing shit and helps inspire people to leave/go away. “Baby’s hungry”….”Oh, you’re feeding her now…?” …”Yeah (unlatches shirt)”…”Well, I gotta do (insert some randomness here)” and BAM! Your lingering guest leaves. It is nice that BF is the silencer, but my MIL (lovingly?! Condescendingly?!) calls me “the nipple” as in “Your baby is crying, maybe she wants the nipple”. Um, no, you have her wrapped up in 155 blankets in 95F weather and she’s trying to breathe” but, BF is a catchall so I’ll take my baby back.
Second thought, have you read Tina Fey’s Bossypants? She has a couple chapters dedicated to BF/Pumping/Childbirth that actually made me choke on coffee while I was reading it was so funny. Basically, think pumping while watching Entourage and wondering if that affected her milk supply.
i nursed all 4 of my babies (the youngest is now 17!). i’m not quite as hard core as you guys, i nursed #1 til she was 6/12 months old, when i found out i was pregnant w/#2 (dr told me i’d be good for 6 mo, and i was 6 weeks when i found out!). nursed #2 for only 4 mo because i bloody well wasn’t getting pregnant again, and the bc they had in the bad old days didn’t let you nurse. #3 i nursed for a full year, mostly because he got the flu the same day we tried him on formula, and absolutely refused it after that. he wouldn’t drink milk until he was 2, even. #4 i nursed til he was 8 mo old, and i’m one of the ones who didn’t get the skinnies. i was trying to join the navy at the time, and had to quit so i could lose weight! (needless to say, lost the weight, but the navy wouldn’t take me because of the 4 kids! rat bastards)
i’m all for the boobies! even better, they finally passed legislation in my state that makes nursing in public “legal” and not indecent exposure.
Any post that starts, “Hey Hos, Let’s Go” is a winner in my book. Boob hos.
That was awesome!
Best BFing top 10 list ever! Love the pic too, he’s already drooling over the thought of boobs
hilarious post…i am still breastfeeding my almost 19 month part-time baby dragon girl who totally loves sticking her hand into my shirt in public and yell boo…b. But for all the reasons you explained it is still worth it…except we don’t have cable.
I breastfed my son for over a year, and loved it. Just recently I got out of the shower and he signed “milk” in baby sign (he’s only a month out of nursing). When I put him on my lap and told him it was “all gone”, he lovingly caressed them and sighed…:) He obviously remembers the good times!
These guys are a little late on the scene…
http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/sweets/yes-they-do-exist-cereal-marshmallows-in-bulk-152977
LOVE this post — wonderful humor about a hugely valuable resource (our boobs)! Having been a lactation consultant AND an active member of LaLeche League (LOVE my groups!) back in the day, in my opinion, there can never be enough out there to support young nursing moms and their precious babies. I nursed 3 and they’re fabulous young adults now — I’m sure it’s ENTIRELY due to the boobs.
Wow. I needed that post. Just had my baby about 3 weeks ago and breastfeeding has started to suck due to super sore nipples and mastitis…ugh. It’s been tempting to quit but like you I’m determined to keep going…so THANK YOU for this post!!!
brilliant! loved this, thank you!
I watched so much TV when I was on maternity leave while I pumped/nursed (uh, I bonded with baby during the 4 hours of the day that weren’t spent feeding her). I watched the entire series of the Office & so many repeats of SNL, and caught up about 6 other shows. It was the strangest time ever and sort of lonely and crazy but also awesome because I love TV. What did breastfeeding moms do before TV? Talk to elders? Ugh.
Though my mom guilt keeps the TV off until the baby is asleep these days.
This is the only breastfeeding advocacy article I have ever enjoyed or found helpful. I even boob-fed all 3 of my kids, (including twins) and will be continuing the tradition with my 4th. Seriously. Great job~ brilliant. (o:
-Melody
You had me at save $105.00/month for my family! Seriously though this all is great food for thought! I don’t see kids in my super near future but I am getting married in three months so we shall see. Thank you for always keeping it real girl!!!
boob is my answer for everything haha
Oh. my. gosh. I just about laughed untill I cried. YOU ARE SO MY NEW BEST FRIEND! (:
Seriously, one of the BEST articles I have EVER read about breastfeeding. I am a lactation consultant in San Diego and have just sent this around to all of my clients and friends. Thank you for sharing the love, as well as the realities of breastfeeding. I wish you could guest author on my blog!!! You are a genius!
I love this but would add a few things. For those with small boobs it makes boobs amazing and fun. It makes boob foreplay awesome during sex. Nice!
Awesome post! Thanks for writing it! Here is #11 – Breastmilk doesn’t stain clothes!
BRILLIANT post, and I love your sense of humour! I’ll have to try the trick with the remote
I find that breastfeeding relaxes me in a way that I never used to chill out before.
If you’re interested, here is my campaign to encourage breastfeeding where I live and beyond.. http://mammasforvictory.blogspot.com/
This is like… the BEST breastfeeding advice blog EVER! I was in tears reading and shared w/my husband (who was also cracking up). LOVE LOVE LOVE it!
All true and so very hilarious.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane!
Blessings and BIG cyber HUGS to all of you nursing moms and babies-
from an oldtime hippie boob mama who is proud of all of you- including my own nursing mama daughter!
I LOVE this! My now 2 year old went to the “titty bar” for 18 months and my now 5 year old went for about 7 months and then had pumped milk for another 2. I really enjoyed reading this blog and remembering all of the times I spent with the boppy wrapped around my waist! Congrats to all of the breastfeeding moms… keep up the good work!
I loooved this! I’m currently breastfeeding my 7 week baby boy. At first I had trouble and had to use medela breast shields to try to get him to latch on, after 2 weeks he just latched on on his own, and now he’s a pro at it. I hope I get to BF him for at least a year!
You just cracked me up and I needed that. Thanks a ton.
Good night.
Great post! $105 per month!? I think I’ve earned my LV Neverfull!
Re #10 – Word! Vnecks rock the casbah. I bought one at Old Navy and then a week later went back and bought one in every color at $3 a pc HELLS YEAH! That beings said, my husband pointed out recently in a snarky side comment that I dont wear anything but v-necks and shorts but he can SUCK IT! You be responsible for sustaining life in a perfect little being, clean the house and look sexy, again I say SUCK IT!
Re #9 – Had I never popped out a bebe I would never have realized that 3 am TV is awesome! I mean 90′s TV show heaven. At 3 in the morning Im all about the Supernatural, Buffy and Freaks & Geeks – If I find Dawson I may never sleep again and ‘A’ will end up weighing 300lbs by age three. Also I want to give a shout out to Weeeee Tv for women and their marathon cupcake girls. Who ever is responsible for Big Fat Gypsies Wedding – I want to make out with you! That show is like watching a train full of fluffy bunnies crashing into a school bus full of old people enroute to a casino plummeting off a cliff into a circus! F-ing AWESOME!
Re # 8 & 6 I wish the power of boob worked on everything – husbands bitching about anything ‘plop here’s a boob in your mouth, shut the f up’. Woman in front of me at Big Lots wants to argue over 3 cents off a .99 item ‘plop here’s a boob in your mouth, shut the f-up’.
Geez MODG its like your in my head! That being said its like I’m famous by proxy so thats pretty cool and I didnt have to do any of the work (Im like any of the Baldwin brothers to your Alec).
You are sooooo funny Selena, loved your comment! You talk like I do, funny and so completely raw and so f-ing true! Cheers to you
Great post!!
You forgot the law though- Federal Law gives us the RIGHT to show off our boobs in public… anywhere, everywhere!
I needed this tonight. So funny.. I almost died laughing at a few points.
“It was such a hard day keeping our son alive with my own body. Let’s watch 3 hours of The Bachelorette.” – I feel like saying that everyday! Well.. maybe minus Bachelorette and insert Ellen or something equally annoying the male species.
Very true post with humour.. thanks!
Very hilarious! Love it, and so very true! My fave is #8 super silencer.
Hilarious. I love this post. Breast feeding is hard and because everyone does it in private you don’t get to see a lot of examples prior to doing it. I felt like such a failure as a women with the struggles I had with it.
Umm, no. I am not going to bring up breastfeeding to my son’s girlfriends. Just like I am not going to mention that he came out of my Va-J-na. There was nothing pedophili-acky feeling about either. I get more of a feeling off of reading Twilight books.
Ummm I GAINED weight while breastfeeding. It sucked. I hated it. Everybody told me I would lose weight. But apparently my body didn’t want to.
One more *very* important benefit to breastfeeding for one year or more … a GREATLY reduced risk of female cancers!!!! Yep … uterine cancer … breast cancer … cervical cancer … ovarian cancer … need I say more????
My eyes are still watering from laughing so much while reading this fantastic article! I’m a pediatrician and now pregnant for the first time. One more important benefit to the breastfeeding mom: increased bone mass which will prevent or delay osteopenia and osteoporosis. At age 25 our bones are at maximum density and then only decline for the rest of our lives. . . unless we breastfeed. Keep up the good work everyone!
Read this when it first posted. Felt the urge to read it again tonight. Forgot where I had read it. Found it by Googling “clean vaginas”. Awesome.
This is so incredibly awesome.
Why haven’t I found you before???? Awesome post – I think I love you… (and I’m not a hippy who smells of patchouli either ).
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