You don’t want them in in your oatmeal, in your pillow in your fat on your butt or in your breasts.
And I found one. A lump. And not in any of the stupid examples I just gave. In the important one.
And I froze.
It’s every woman’s worst nightmare. And I knew. I knew right away that this was different. I’m pretty much a breast feeling expert after a year of breastfeeding and 2 months of weaning. I’ve had plugged ducts, I’ve had general weird feeling lumpy boobs and I’ve had the period swells. This was different.
Every night in the shower I give the girls a squeeze to see if I still have milk. And would you freaking believe that 2 months after my last feeding I still have milk in there? I don’t know what my boobs are waiting for. WE ARE DONE BOOBS, TAKE MY WORD. I wish I could do like *anything* that consistently and regularly as my boobs produce milk, LIKE WORKING OUT AND NOT EATING CANDY.
So you see I’m good at boob squeezes.
But last night I felt a pea marble. Size of a pea, felt as hard as a marble. No pain. Close to the surface. Sort of moveable. And this was different than anything I had felt before and then I stopped breathing.
Maybe it was because I had just read everything on the internet related to Guiliana Rancic and her double mastectomy with no family history of breast cancer. Maybe it was the 2 seasons in a row that we just watched of Breaking Bad. But I was done. And I mean my brain was done. There was no reeling this train back in. All I could think about was G and B and also maybe a little bit about losing my boobs.
And trust me, you don’t have to tell me that it could be 3 billion different things and I was getting ahead of myself. But brains are tricky. They do what they want.
So B came home and I cried a bit and I googled a bit and I didn’t sleep at all.
I really didn’t think that I was going to die. But I did think about any sort of surgery and I thought about the possibility of something worse like radiation or just being sick in general. And I didn’t think about my own well being, I just thought about G. And I thought about if I ever had to be away from him or if I couldn’t take care of him. Google couldn’t help me with that. GOOGLE IS PRETTY MUCH AN ASSHOLE. Hear that Google? That was directed at you.
And bright and early I got my ass to The Birth Center (my obgyn for hippies and awesomes) to have them check it out. Midwives are rockstar awesome. They sit with you as long as you want and chat and make you feel like you’re with your best friend. And then she felt for stuff.
And this is the part where I should say, it was nothing. But it’s something. And it’s not the end of the story just yet. I have a mammogram scheduled on Wednesday. However the something could still be nothing. But it’s a sort of a something-ish nothing. And that’s better than a something something. But we’re not sure.
And I thought about waiting and seeing this through before talking about it. But this is real life. And there’s nothing to hide. And if it’s nothing, we’ll all celebrate and if it’s something than I’ll have 250,000 people to help me get through it. Because I’m sure lots of you have been through scares and some of you it was a nothing nothing and some of you a something.
So this I leave to the Universe:
Dear Nothing,
I hope you are in my boob.
Love,
MODG
PS. when I think of The Nothing, I think of this:
That’s me up there. I’m a winner.
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 170 comments… read them below or add one }
Modg, thinking of you. Been there. Mine was nothing (and you’d best believe I rode the shit out of Falcor…wait, that sounds wrong). Keep us posted (I know you will). Praying you get to ride Falcor, too.
I am going through this exact same thing right now, except that I have symptoms of uterine or cervical cancer. I had tests done last Tuesday and am still waiting to hear results. I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old.. and reading this post left me a big teary mess… this is EXACTLY how I feel. All I can think about is them…
positive vibes of nothingness headed your way.
positive thoughts being sent your way through the internet-
i don’t want to get all sappy or tell you any, “my family had this…” stories.
but know, we’re here and we’ll get you through the nothing. <3
I had a lump in my armpit that I had a similar reaction to. Turns out, a swollen lymph node…I forgot I was just super sick…I guess that’s what happens when you feel lumps. All in all, I hope your something is really nothing. A weird post breastfeeding, or weird yet normal lump deal that will go away or be harmless. Hoping and praying for you!!
p.s. My daughter stopped nursing at 13 months…she is now 18 months and I can STILL get a good stream of milk. I don’t get it either. It’s like they are holding on to some hope it’ll start up again…
Good vibes, prayers, mantra sand extreme visualization for that pea to disintegrate into the nothing you’re wishing for.
I really like you a lot. And I don’t like many people. AND I’ve never met you and I usually don’t like people as clear-skinned and skinny and pretty as you.
Here’s hoping for nothing.
xoxo
I gotta agree with Serial’s comments here. And I’m not gonna freak you out with “stories”. You don’t need that right now.
I’m hoping for nothing. Your midwife and gyno are gonna get you through this so that you can take your next step regardless of what it is.
Yeah, not so good with the sympathy and sugar cookies. Pretty good with the reality crap.
Much Love MODG – you’ll get through this.
Ditto what these broads say. I’m not a people person even though I say I am during interviews and I typically dislike skinny chicks…just because I’m jealous, sorta. But I love smart ass wise cracking don’t take themselves so seriously sorta asian looking broads who like wine as much as me and based on that, I will keep you in my thoughts and send karma hippie voodoo eastward towards your boob so that nothing stays nothing.
virtual hugs to you!
Ugh been there. When I was a sophomore in college (sick, it’s been five years now) my gyno found a couple of lumps at my yearly appointment and I had to get an ultrasound and then a biopsy. My tiny little sophomore-in-college brain couldn’t handle that! I was really freaked out but it ended up being a benign growth that is very common in women (fibroadenoma.) I still get occasional ultrasounds to make sure my nothings haven’t turned into somethings. Anyway, just wanted to give you a positive story to think about. I will pray that yours has a similar ending.
Praying to Danny Tanner for you. Fingers crossed it’s nothing.
my word I am thinking of you girl! prayers, all of it. It WILL BE NOTHING. Practice the “SECRET.” <3
Oh honey! Please know that you have lots of prayers going up for “The Nothing!” Thank you for sharing this…even as a great reminder for those of us who DON’T check regularly enough. I will tonight….while I am sending up those prayers. Good thoughts are with you….
Much love,
meli
Lots of hugs and love. I’ll pray that it’s a nothing nothing. Thank you for having the guts to share this with the world because as always, you rock.
Praying for nothing. I can’t take any more bad fucking news this year and it’s still only January.
Please. Please. Just let it be nothing.
Hoping to hear only good news from you after your mammogram, you’re dealing with some scary shit even if it is nothing!
And, aw, The Neverending Story =)
Awww girl, I’m thinking about you! I imagine that between now and Wednesday you’ll be feeling all sorts of uneasy feelings, but know you have a ton of people thinking of you and ready to support you. Hoping for the nothing!
What a brave, honest, kick ass post of truth. I’m glad you shared it, like you said, this is life.
I have no magic answer for you other than some genius confucius-type guy once said (Asian, so automatically awesome and the truth) If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn’t happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.
So try to have the most fun this weekend with B and G and whatever other wacky characters cross your path. Know that you’ve got an army putting good vibes out to the universe for you.
What she said. Perfectly worded. I’m praying for you.
MODG,
I will be thinking and praying that your something is absolutely nothing. And like the above comment, I hope you get to ride the shit out of Falcor too. Please keep us updated!
Gahhhhhhh. Sending time-speed vibes to hurry Wednesday on its way. And then you’ll post about the Nothing that is truly nothing that day and we’ll all celebrate!! Hugs.
My thoughts and prayers will go towards you and your family right now. While I personally haven’t had this happen to me, and thankfully do not have the BRCA2 gene, I have had: my mother, my grandmother on my father’s side, my maternal great-aunt, and other folks that I know and love have this happen to them. So I will think of you, pray for you, and be there for you. P/S: For anyone who helped me during WANA: I’m still sending a Christmas card! Swear! I’m just so busy at work right now and exhausted when I get home that I do not have an ounce of energy to do much. *besos*
MODG, I had the EXACT same thing happen to me, down to the google search! I had a mammogram and an ultrasound and it was NOTHING. Here is to hoping that your new found something is nothing too.
Also, I got your boobs are magical magnet as a gift from one of the moms in my mom’s group- it makes me very happy. Boobs ARE magical! My son is 9 1/2 months and I have been able to give him the boob juice exclusively. People like you inspire me to keep going
I have been there. I have had the nothing two times. I had an ultrasound and a biopsy, followed by a mammogram. Nothings are scary until they are nothing. But even if the nothing is something it doesn’t mean the something is bad.
Crossing my fingers for the nothing.
Nothing bad can ever happen to you modg, you’re like superwoman, but awesomer!
So it’s gonna be nothing, because it HAS to be nothing.
But either way, I’m praying for ya <3
I went through a scare over the summee with some moles I had, thinking they were skin cancer..it wasnt, thank God, but I feel your terror and will pray for you and your family.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Chanting nothings for you!!
Thinking about your boobs and how nothing they are! Which normally would not be complimentary, but in this case is good. Yay for nothing boobs! Or… better yet- yay for nothing (but still hot) boobs!
Hang in there. Brains are super strong- they have a mind of their own- but try not to let this consume you. You can’t control the outcome and you’ll know soon and deal with it. Hopefully you’ll be dealing with nothing, but even a something-ish nothing can be dealt with and you have so many people behind ya.
In all seriousness, will say a prayer for you and your boobs.
Hugs and prayers for “nothing.” Sparkles and Britney!
I am thinking of you, and hope it is nothing serious!
Im wishing and hoping and most importantly praying it’s nothing MODG- I’ll be think of you this next week!!! Here’s to nothing <3
I have several close friends and family members who have found somethings that have turned out to be nothings. Try to stay calm and know that we’re here for you. Keeping you in my prayers!
Oh MODG…I’m sorry you are going through this! You are in my thoughts and prayers that your something is most definitely a NOTHING. *hugs*
Praying and wishing for nothing. x
i found a lump in my boob a few years ago. i watched it for about a year and it kept getting bigger. my doctor paid no attention. i finally had it removed, and thankfully, it was nothing.
that was the same year i discovered precancerous cells living on my cervix. my lady parts were unhappy.
praying for nothing for you! (well that sounds a little rude when i say it like that, but i think you know what i mean.)
Here’s hoping it’s nothing Amanda. I’m SURE it’s nothing.
I’ve been there. It’s a something nothing. I have my third ultrasound on my right breast in February. The docs aren’t worried, but my mil says I should just get it taken out. I’m not really sure what I should do.
The right words escape at the moment . . . just hoping for the very best possible outcome. Which would be that you find out it is indeed nothing and get to ride on a luck dragon. Second option being just that you find out it was nothing. Luck dragons aren’t the easiest thing to come by, sadly.
Been there. Turned out to be nothing. Don’t worry about it. Your’s will be an awesome nothing too. Eat gummy candy to keep your mind off (It’s ok. Tracy Anderwho will whip your ass into shape later).
Prayers for you that it is nothing!
Found the same thing when my little one was 6 months old. I had a mammogram & ultrasound & it was nothing. I too did not sleep…could not eat..all I thought about was not being able to watch my daughter grow. I was told breast composition changes a ton right after breastfeeding and that is what my something lump was. I have my fingers & toes crossed for you that your something is also a big nothing.
I am hoping it’s nothing for you too!! And thank you for posting this, as I’m gonna check myself out tonight too. I will be thinking about you…hugs
I never post. Pretty much on anything. I pretend I’m cooler than that. But I do read your site and now it’s time to post.
I just came off of four straight months of imagining my young daughter without her mother. Over inevitable nothingness. So I feel you. And I hope that you have nothingness too. But if you don’t, please remember: most somethings can be fixed. It may not be pretty, or perfect, or easy. But there’s a LONG road between something and the most horrible outcome. And in between the two, there would be a fight to the finish because you are a mama. Love for you child is an amazing fuel.
So here’s hoping for nothingness, but also a reminder that even somethingness can be conquered.
That should read “Love for YOUR child is an amazing fuel.”
I did not write “Love for you, child, is an amazing fuel” like I’m Oprah Winfrey playing a Southern woman in some Lifetime movie.
Actually, this may be why I never post.
Thinking about you, your boobs, and your awesomeness. Sending prayers and hearts, sunshine, sprinkles and glitter to your boobs.
Thinking about you, your boobs, and your awesomeness. Sending prayers and hearts, sunshine, sprinkles and glitter to your boobs.
This sooo better be nothing.
Sounds like your boobs are turning into “dramaboobies”
Have B slap them around and teach them a lesson.
(here’s to nada).
I had a similar scare 2 years ago – it is terrifying! I probably made my fiance feel the lump like 10000 times. He is still kind of traumatized by my boobs I think. It turned out to be nothing, but then resurfaced this year after it trippled in size.. I got it removed finally and it was still nothing (fibroadenoma). The mammograms and biopsies and even the surgery weren’t bad at all. I’m thinking of you!
I had a hard lump in my breast the size of a pea that a found a month after I delivered. They did several ultrasounds over the course of 7 months before they finally decided they should biopsy it because the results were inconclusive. It ended up being a cyst filled with milk. It was the longest 7 months ever but I couldn’t have been happier to find out what it was. Thinking of you and hoping it’s nothing!
Been there, too. Mine turned out to be fibroids (yes, my ONE lump turned out to be TWO lumps very close together) that DO hurt. The best part? They come and go….and change shape….and sometimes multiply. But they’re not cancer. I have a heart attack every time I feel new ones. Gah.
So, I know how you feel (minus having kids and a family). It’s terrifying. But we’re here for you. You got this, whether it’s nothing or something.
“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow”
Let’s call tomorrow Wednesday and it will bring you nothing. Lot’s of powerful, healing thoughts of nothingness sent your way, MODG!
Praying that it’s the nothing, but not the kind with swirling clouds of darkness ready to sweep away Fantasia
Hang in there, we’re all here to support you!
FALCORRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
MOGD-
I HAVE been there and done that with the something, and am still here. When you go in to have the mammogram done, before the test starts, ask if they can give you a “wet read.” This basically means that a radiologist will take a first look at the films while you wait. Since this should be a diagnostic (looking to check something specific) rather than a screening (just lookin’) mammo, they should be able to do this for you.
You may also want to push to have an ultrasound done as well. Since you are just a youngster by the standards of the world of sick boobs, your breast tissue is likely still pretty dense, and may not image that well on a mammogram. This is why most follow-up ultrasounds are done on younger (as in under 50) women – not because they necessarily see something horrible that needs further investigation, but because they just can’t see that much on the mammo, and need to use a different imaging method.
The vast majority of lumps in younger women will turn out to be nothing but benign cysts that will go away on their own after a while, and it’s a very good thing that your obgyn/midwives are being very thorough and careful and checking to make sure you are OK, and don’t have boob cooties.
I’m available if you have any questions at all.
Liz
Wow Liz sounds like you know your stuff! I was going to say the same thing about the ultrasound. I have a crazy family history of breast cancer and unfortunately have had quite a few issues myself. My MIL put me in touch with pretty much the best doctor on the planet for these girlie issues. MODG I’m sure it’s nothing and I will be praying for you BUT you should check out Dr. Beth DuPree. She’s kinda hippe which I know you like but most importantly she knows her shit! She has written books, won awards, founded organizations, she basically lives and breathes for this! She practices in the Bucks County area – your old stomping grounds (I’m not a stalker, you went to high school with a friend of mine lol). Seriously google her…I trust her with my life!
Hi – Just wanted to let you know, I had the same thing — twice. The first time, I had a lump, had an ultrasound, then a mammogram, and then they decided they wanted to remove the entire thing (the lump, not the boob). It was a fibroadenoma (sp?) and all cancer tests came back negative. The next time I had a biopsy. My body loves producing tumors and nodules. Anyways, I am thinking about you, and sending you positive thoughts. And, also, you are awesome for being proactive about this! I am sure it is “the nothing” … Bastian. (Sorry, I just had to throw a “Bastian” in there).
I’ll be thinking about you. I’m sure this is going to be a horribly long week of waiting to know. Not knowing seems like it’s always the worst part. As always, thanks for being so honest about what real life is.
With this much love and hope coming from the internets you cant lose!! Every time I hold my nugget, I’ll think amazing awesome thoughts and send them on to you and your family! Ride the shit out of that hairy flying dog!
If there’s anything I know about Falcor, it’s that he’s the shit at spreading nothingness. Actually, I don’t know that at all. But it’s my hope for you and your tata’s. I’ll give my boobs and extra squeeze for you next time I’m feeding the kiddo.
Modg, this post was so beautifully written – I’m not sure why at this point I find your honesty so striking but it absolutely stopped me in my tracks. My mom had lumps in both breasts when I was young and my brother was a baby. The lumps were removed and later determined were nothing but I can’t imagine the thoughts and feelings she had. For every scary feeling you mentioned and the thousands more you felt but couldn’t express – I’m thinking of you!
Wow, what a hard topic to post… and talk about. I applaud you for doing so honestly. I will be thinking about you, B and G, as I am sure the other 250,000 peeps out there who read your blog.
Thinking of you during this scary time. I hope it’s a whole lot of nothing!
Oh, and I can still squeeze milk out of my bewbs and I weaned 9 months ago. So, don’t hold your breath.
I’ve been there. It sucks, but odds are low that it’s super bad at your age. However, always better to be careful. It was super scary for me, and I had to wait a while to find out. I had a sono at 25 after my gyno found a lump. The sono revealed a tumor (and a cyst) so I had to have a follow-up biopsy on the tumor. It ended up being benign, but it was scary. I had no family history either. Also, don’t worry if you cry because I bawled my eyes out at the doctor and got super sweet hugs from all the nurses and the surgeon. In fact, I made the surgeon cry, too. I was lucky to go to a place with all women doctors, nurses, and staff and everyone was so nice and very girl-power hippie like. Good luck and happy sparkle wishes that it’s nothing!
Ah, I had a boob thing. Hard little marble, moveable, didn’t hurt. And the doctors and nurses were so serious about it and told me it was a 20% chance of Bad. I don’t like wasting time feeling bad for something that may be nothing, so I enjoyed the mathematical advantage of 80% Nothing until I heard otherwise. I was ready to smack some nurses for trying to get all sad-eye-pink-ribbon on me before we knew what was what. They did some ultrasounds (you should have that done if you haven’t already), did a needle biopsy (not bad at all, kind of fun to watch on the screen), placed a ‘marker’ in my hoot like planting a flag that that area had been checked out, then sent me off for a mammogram to doublecheck and make sure the marker was in a good place. Okay, if you can take a shot before the mammogram, I recommend that. I know you like it real, so – WTF. My boobs got individually smashed between two plates into a shape I didn’t even think could happen. This was before a kid and my boobs were all perky and firm, so maybe post-nursing it won’t hurt as much. But shit. Post-biopsy, I got a bruise that looked like a bus had hit my boob, but it didn’t really hurt after the first day or two. But milk it anyway (B bringing you glasses of wine will surely help). Oh, and mine was Nothing (fibroadenoma, I think? sounds official). Take that, drama nurses. But they got theirs – my ‘marker’ is shaped like a freakin ribbon. One way or another, they made sure I’d wear a damn ribbon. Good luck, lady. Wishing you funbags filled with nothing but fun.
i cannot imagine how you are feeling right now or what you are going through with this news. sending rainbows and sparkles your way.
Sending you a million positive thoughts. My sister and I both had a scare this year, thankfully all is well with us but it.is.not.fun. Fingers crossed for you! xo
A,
I had a something that was a nothing. Pea marble. Doctor feel-up. Mammogram that looked very early iffy. Consultation with breast surgeon. Biopsy with a little metal chip implanted in there so they can always see where it happened…
It was a nothing. And then I took my first deep breath. Hang in there.
xo
This is Monica from Mel and Mo Designs and I wanted to tell you that I will be thinking about you. Whatever happens, you will make it. You will. I’m lifting you up lady.
Amanda (I feel like I can call you that since I have known rachael strange morris since she was born & because you rocked it & made a modg stalker’s dream come true with a 40th birthday shoutout) , I understand about health scares. I had a heart attack on my 39th birthday. and that sh*t is hairy scary. I truly hope that nothing is wrong & all those tests come back neg-a-tive. you really do have a huge network of support based on what I know about your friends. fingers, toes & eyes crossed for you & your family.
I have never commented before, but I really enjoy your blog. I just wanted to let you know that I hope that your boob-invader ends up being nothing! I can understand how you are feeling, because I have had a similar experience. In my case, the lump was benign. I really hope yours is, too! I didn’t want to make it all about me, but rather to give you a success story.
Thinking happy sparkly thoughts for you!
the worrying…..ohhhh the damn worrying. If whatever we have doesn’t kill us, I’m certain the worrying will.
Something similar happened to my mom. it was nothing. but its still nothing. she still has to have it checked. to make sure its nothing. even though its something, its nothing. I hope, and pray that your something is and always will be nothing. Real time DTDHC prayers for you.
Try not to worry ………….’cause worry is wasteful , And useless in times like these……..sorry I broke into a Jewel lyric by mistake…..
I’ll be worrying about you. and praying. 250,000 prayers are good.
So much love to you, B, and G! I’m praying for you guys and your total health. Thanks for always keeping it real even when it’s tough, you are amazing.
This was a wonderfully honest post, and I know how you feel. I had a scare too, but mine was skin-related, not breast. The lab results were exruciating to wait for and in the end everything was fine. Then recently I had a scare with my 9 month old son and that made the first seem like nothing. I couldn’t sleep, eat properly, I was shaky and just waiting, waiting, waiting for them to tell me something good, or bad, or anything really. Thank God that all came back okay too. You are super strong and have a humongous support team, and you very well may save a life with this post. Before I typed this I went ahead and did a check on my own breasts and realized I should be doing this monthly, which I have not. I hope others do too.
I’m wishing and hoping and praying you a big, fat NOTHING! I can’t imagine what you must be feeling/thinking right now but I want to give you a big fat nothing hug!
Wow – I just found your blog recently and this is probably the 2nd time I’ve read it….but last week I found the very same thing! Just like you are describing. I had my mammogram this past Wednesday and have an appointment with a breast surgeon at the beginning of February. They tell me it’s most likely nothing but because it is “abnormal” I have to have a biopsy or have it removed. Hope yours turns out to be nothing too! The mammogram wasn’t near as bad as I imagined – very quick and just a little uncomfortable. Like previous commenter they say mine is likely a fibroadenoma…but still there’s that chance that it’s something else I don’t like it!
Amanda, I had a lump too, 1.5 yrs ago that sounds exactly like yours… scared the shit out of me. I had a mammogram and an ultrasound and it was just fibroadenoma – aka NOTHING. Have you upped your caffeine/chocolate intake since weaning? Also hormonal/cycle changes can cause them! Good luck, Lady, and I hope it’s nothing for you!
The wait will be the worst of it, I’m sure. You found it right off the bat & are getting down to business taking care of it. Sending extra positive thoughts your way. I’ve been through something similar, so I understand your feelings of dread when it comes to this whole thing. Totally normal and completely understandable. xoxo
I think of that too when I think of The Nothing.
Aside, good luck and my prayers are with you. I check my boobs every month and worry… not as much as an abnormal result in a pap worry but a worry nonetheless.
Best wishes in these boob-scary times.
Just massive hugs. I’m praying for nothing for you.
MODG…I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had the dreaded “call-back” after my mammogram twice now and each time I was terrified. Luckily, they both turned out to be nothing…but the waiting is the absolute worst and imagination is a cruel thing. I suggest having a few glasses of red wine–especially since I just read the very welcome news that it might actually help to prevent breast cancer. Hope everything turns out okay!
I’ve always appreciated your honesty, and appreciate it even more now. I have dense tissue in my right boob, which has led me to become an obsessive boob feeler. Anyway, I will think pink, sparkly ‘nothing’ thoughts for you…hang in there mama. I know it’s though, but you have an awesome network of support behind you.
Wow, that’s pretty scary. But it’s for that reason that I grudgingly keep track of things like that… My mom had a something, and so did her aunt. So now that I’m getting into my mid-20s, definitely gotta keep track.
But I’ll be hoping and praying that yours is a nothing
AND IT WILL BE~!
But if it were a something – all your readers <3 you and support you :3
Bollocks.
In the last year I have nearly died, nearly lost my daughter twice, and had to face up to the possibility that she has a chromosomal abnormality which will affect her development. I have known stress I didn’t think was possible and been so scared I thought my heart might just give up. But, I didn’t die, and my little girl is beside me right now being adorable and the geneticist has said she thinks things will be ok even though I have to wait a month or two for the results.
So I’m kind of saying crazy worrying is normal, and although I’m all for being prepared for the worst, don’t lose hope. Ever. I’ve wasted so much of my little girls life stressing about things that might have been. Live in the now for a bit and don’t worry about tomorrow. If you need to face up to things, do it when you have to and not before. For weeks I lived hour by hour because if I thought any further ahead my heart would have broken. It got me through some very tough times and protected my tiny little mind from being overwhelmed by “what if” scenarios.
Here’s to your boobs just running a drill to see if you are paying attention and nothing more sinister x
Here’s to nothing!!!!
Ugh. It is the weird crappy fact of life that the worst part is the not knowing. Whatever it is, nothing or something, I promise it will be at least a smidgeon easier to know what’s going on. My little fam had a whole scary period last spring when my Hubs was diagnosed with testicular cancer (speaking of fun lumps!). We’ve mercifully come out of that horrible situation in the best possible light (he’s ok, just surgery and no other treatments needed yet). The is-it-isn’t-it was honestly the worst part because it’s too easy for mamas to let their brains go into warp speed panic mode. I’m feeling for you (fun lump of my own turned out to be fibroadenoma awhile back).
Right now, just keep riding on Falkor’s back. Make The Nothing your bitch. Praying for you.
Oh, I am hoping it’s nothing too. I have been there, and mine did turn out to be nothing, but it took 2 sleepless weeks and a whole lot of fear. Stay strong, get some rest. You can handle anything that might come your way
Been through this numerous times. And i am 31. first time i was 19 and had surgery but it turned out benign – fibroadenmoa – since then i have had like 5 more. I feel like boob pro. They are not cancer but do raise your risks of developing DCIS (a sort of lite form of cancer for lack of a better description). There is a huge world beween nothing and cancer, lots of things besides cancer grow in boobies. You can probably just feel it beter now that your boobs may be shrinking back to normal post weaning (maybe) so they are less dense than prepreg.
I’ve been following your blog a lot, and I adore your humor, generosity, and of course your honesty.
When I was 20, I was at my annual lady appointment, and suddenly my doctor found something. A pea size hard lump in my left breast. She said it felt like a solid mass, and I needed to have more tests done and meet with a surgeon. I mean, I was 20. How could I have something wrong? I PRAYED for nothing. I met with the surgeon who agreed the lump needed to be removed as soon as possible. Terrified doesnt begin to describe it. And guess what. I asked for nothing.. and that’s what I got. well sort of. I had Fibroadenoma. A NON cancerous tumor common amongst young women.
Good luck, and I will hope for your nothing!
Wishing and paying fo the nothing for you. I recently started following your blog and you are a pretty amazing lady! And Bastian knows how to fight the nothing just like the rockstar you are!
One time my gyno told me I had breast cancer….I got a second opinion and again breast cancer. I was 22….turns out, scarring from my breast reduction was “cancer”
I strongly questioned the qualifications of both of the doctors and fired them immediately! It is scary but you will be surprised at how random stranger can rally around you!
Sending sparkles and rainbows your way
Hey there. How scary. I HAVE been there. And, delightfully, it was nothing. I found mine when I was sprawled out on the couch watching a rerun of Jersey Shore. I figured I’d multi task and do a self exam. You can imagine the horror of suddenly JOLTING up off the couch. I, like you, went from 0 to 100 in about 10 seconds. Actually, that’s too generous. It was less than second before I went from “I felt something weird” to “omg. this is it.” Because everyone (unfortunately) knows someone who has been there. And it’s scary. As hell.
First things first. It’s awesome that you took care of it so soon. It’s awesome that you were doing a self-check.
Next, mine was NOTHING. Well, it was something. A fibroadenoma. Mine was exactly like they say they should be. But I had to get a biopsy. And get it marked. Just to be sure. And then, the following year, it grew a little bit. And it freaked me out. So I had surgery and got it removed. And I have this teeny tiny little scar. And a hell of a lot of piece of mind.
You’re going to be ok. I am sending you vibes of nothingness. Hugs.
it’s nothing serious.
lots of thoughts and prayers and internet hugs. you are awesome.
I went through this a few months ago, and I know the feelings you’re feeling. I couldn’t stop looking at my kids, hugging my kids, and thinking about the future…the what-ifs. Here’s the deal…Sometimes something really is nothing. My something was nothing. Terrifying, but nothing. So, I am sending positive thoughts and energy out into the universe for you. May your something be nothing as well.
Take care and hang in there.
Your post is making hundreds of women give themselves breast exams right now and that is AMAZING. Thanks for your honesty – I truly hope it’s rewarded with nothing.
This must have been a really tough post to write, I’m proud of you for sharing this with us. Like you said, you know you have all of our support. I really think one of the hardest times is the not knowing. You have no choice but to deal once given the results either way, but the time in between that is agonizing! Please try and ban yourself from google (freaking google, nothing good ever comes out of googling medical stuff!) and try not to let your mind wander too much!
Happy thought and glitter puff-heart love to you and your family.
I am a stranger and I love you. I hope it’s nothing. boob power.
This same thing happened to me. I was watching that show Ruby about the big lady in savannah losing weight. She was talking about self exams and I decided to do one. I found a lump, rolly and grape sized. That night I planned my funeral and freaked out completely. The next day I googled and made a doctors appointment. It turned out to be nothing big but the cells we’re abnormal, not cancer tho, so they removed it. I can’t remember what they called it but it’s not uncommon. Got some good pain killers out of it, I little nip scar and i small boob dent. Now i get to fight my insurance to pay for annual mamograms for a 30 year old. Fun stuff! It was scary but could have been so much worse. Hopefully yours is nothing!
Oh hon, I’m hoping and praying for you that it’s nothing.
Totally scary. I am sending nothingness vibes your way.
Just make sure you don’t get pulled into the swamp of sadness waiting for your mammogram (and results). Am I the only one who bawls every damn time Artax can’t escape the swamp? Every damn time.
You should probably scream out MOONCHILD during the mammogram. It saved everyone in the Never Ending Story, so I figure it should work for you, too… Except you want the nothingness to win, not the other way around. So I guess whatever you do, do NOT say (don’t even think) Moonchild.
MODG – you have no idea how close to home this is for me. Check out this story for some more inspiration: http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=nR2dPnXhhb4.
I will be thinking of you!
I 100% understand everything you are feeling right now, as I’ve been dealing with a lump too. Noticed in late August, saw my ob/gyn in Sept and off I went for an ultrasound. Ultrasound didn’t reveal anything, so I got a referral to a surgeon who sent me for a mammo. During the mammo, the lump I thought I had wasn’t really anything, but they thought the saw something in the other boob and wanted to take another look at. I think that’s where I started hyperventiling…luckily, though everything turned out okay. I was basically told I have lumpy, bumpy breasts. I just finished breastfeeding, so they want to see me in 2 months to see how my boobs are doing. I’m the mom of 2 boys ( 2 1/2 and 1) and every horrible, scary thought of me being sick, me being away from my boys, me dying came to my mind every day. Try to stay positive and not worry too much, easier said then done, I know, but remember you have a ton of people sending good thoughts and prayers your way! Good luck on Wednesday.
Amanda, lot’s of love. Nothing else to say except love, prayers, well wishes and baby hug energy being sent your way.
Been there, done that! Cried and freaked and wondered who would take care of my sweet baby! Had the ultrasound then the biopsy. Cried to the nurses and everything. Ended up being something normalish “with lactational changes”. As soon as I wean I have to have surgery and I am dreading it like crazy! Hopefully (and statistically) yours is a big fat annoying nothing too!! **Positive sparkle nothing boob lump thoughts your way!
just hugs. that’s all, just big hugs.
Shit.
Me again.
My previous one-word post was my initial reaction.
It was brief, it was true, and it was a honest as you, dear MODG.
Now let my older, wiser, wider and, I’ll suggest, hippier ass tell you…
Everything’s gonna be allright.
That’s it.
Everything’s gonna be allright.
I’m a survivor. If you need to be, you will also be.
If it’s just a scare, you’ll thank your lucky hippie stars (courtesy of the big God) and you’ll over-check for days and months and years and at some point, you’ll be the strength you can’t imagine now.
Everything’s gonna be allright.
G
and B
and all your internet frineds
will gently or awkwardly or loudly or sweetly and gently applaud you.
Everything’s gonna be allright.
Everything’s gonna be allright.
Now get on to important things – like spell checks in comments.
Everything’s gonna be allright.
I found a large lump last week and had a mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday. It was nerve wracking but it turned out to be a benign cyst that the radiologist drained (gross but not painful at all). It is likely a benign cyst or blocked duct, especially if you can move it around. The breast surgeon I met with said they are very common for women under 40. I have a feeling that everything will turn out just fine for you – minus having your boobs smashed in the mammography machine!
Everyone with an iPhone (read: everyone) download this app: Dr K’s BreastChecker. It reminds you every month to do a self- exam, times it with your period (for best groping timing) and you can tract any weirdness that you feel on a chart (with your dr!).
A- thinking of you and sending you a whole lotta nothingness vibes. XOXO
Thanks for the suggestion, Michelle! I downloaded the app and will be reposting to all my friends.
A- positive thoughts coming your way!!! We are with you!
Amanda.
You are okay. This is VERY likely nothing. So breathe, and relax. And don’t stay up all night. I recently went through a diagnosis that started and stopped with the fucking word “Cancer”. (though all of the prognoses started and ended with the words “unlikely”). I let it fuck me all up. It was a mistake. I didn’t have it, but I let the stupid WORD own like 2 months of my life, and my family. Fuck it in its stupid face, and march on, brave sister. Big energy your way, baby.
my LITTLE sister just found a nothing a couple months ago, she just turned 23! wtf?!? although her nothing is still there, it turned out to not be a something though. she has to go back for more check-ups every 6 months (cus we have a family history,) just to make sure the nothing doesn’t turn into something.
this shit is scary! thinking about you and hoping for the best!
you got the hippies, doctors, and internet (except not google) on your side!!!
o and i’m the selfish bitch sister who just got a boob job… ya, i still feel like an asshole!
It is almost definitely nothing. You and the boys are in my prayers.
Know what’s medicinal? Wine.
I have a VERY strong family history of very aggressive breast cancer. As in, my mom is the first and only survivor on her side of the family. And it is hitting about five years sooner in every generation. So, a few years ago when I felt a lump, I knew I was dying. Knew it. I was sure it had already spread through my whole body. In fact, that was probably the cause of my headache, too. I just kept imagining that my children were going to grow up without a mother. But then it was just a cyst. A big ‘ole nothing.
I hope you have a big nothing also.
MODG – I also pray for the nothings. I had a routine cat scan of my head after my migraines changed. They found something. Several years later and I can’t count how many MRI’s I’ve had and they still don’t know. All we can say for sure is that it isn’t changing or getting larger. I opted for no biopsy at this point (brain surgery for a possible nothing – no thank you). So we keep monitoring it. Every year or so. Just to make sure. With a history of brain cancer in my family, the mass in my head (albeit small) still weighs huge on my mind.
Here’s to everything being nothing. For you, for me, for the fellow DTDHC members.
Sparkle nothings,
KMW xo
I hope nothing is in your breasts too. You definitely have tons of support if you need it.
something similar happened to me last year. gyno found a “lump,” i’m freaking out because i’m 28 and don’t have history of bc in my family, and i don’t have health insurance. so they get me an appt to see a specialist at a clinic that helps uninsured women– of course it’s only once a week, so i had to wait almost a month to get in. i get there, the doc is obviously annoyed and thinks my gyno got me worked up about nothing, but they give me an ultrasound anyway. nothing unusual, no cancer, and the doc tells me i have “dense boobs, like an asian.” so now, me and my man call them my dense asian boobs. maybe you have dense asian boobs too!
It’s going to be nothing. Just putting that out there. It is and is going to be and will stay NOTHING.
Stay strong, Amanda. The waiting is the worst. My mind kept going to the worst possible outcomes. Fortunately my 3 scares were a pea sized mammary blockage (still there YEARS later) and 2 cysts they called lumpy breasts. The fear was consuming. Here’s sending positive thoughts for nothingness your way. Thanks for your courage in talking publicly about it. You are awesome.
I have not commented in awhile but I’ve been reading. I wish I could say something inspiring and uplifting and make your worry go away. I can’t. And I won’t tell you my experiences, because they are not yours, but I have been there with really big health scares and can relate to the fear and the sleepless nights and the worry (brain tumor – not OK, boob scare – OK). You are so spot-on that your mind goes to places that you cannot control, and I know that is the worst.
The part about G? Made me tear up. Because faced with something like this, any mom’s first thoughts go to her baby (even if her baby is 8, like mine, or 47). I won’t be all cheerleader-y and say annoying things like, “You’ll be just fine!!!” or “My fifth aunt twice-removed’s neighbor had the same thing and it was NOTHING!!!!” b/c that just pissed me off when people did that. I know they were trying to help … and yet, somehow, it did not.
So, I will say this, I am not much of a prayer (too many teenage infractions, I suppose), but I will think the best, sparkliest, most healing thoughts for the most boring, medically uninteresting, yawn-induced results from the boob doctors for you. I really hope all is OK. And if not, you can deal and cope and you will.
Thinking of you,
JS @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/
PS Agreed, Google is an a-hole when it comes to important medical stuff. I suggest Nordstrom.com instead for Internet therapy during this time. It has been my experience that cute shoes have magical healing powers. And I know several doctors, so you can quote me on that.
I have been where you are. At the age of 28, with 2 kids under the age 0f 3. I’ve surfed the net until the tide went out, making things worse. I’ve even been told that the nothing was something. I’ve even been told that they had to take the something out, along with the breast. I’ve been through the chemo, the radiation, the recurrence. The hardest part is the unknown, the waiting for test results. The point of it is that I’m still here, I’m clear, and you will be fine. Sending you waves of positive energy.
Falcor!!!!!!!! MODG I am praying for you! I had the same thing happen to me 2 years ago. They did an ultra sound on my boob (my breasts are dense?) and it turned out to be a cyst. A big fat cyst full of the nothing. Don’t worry or be scared! Everything will be fine. Sending positive vibes your way!
-Alexis
Karma makes the world go ’round. Remember how you set up WANA? You’ve got a lot of good juju going on. I’ll be praying for you and your boys.
Like everyone else I’m hoping it’s nothing.
Something v.nothing scares are not cool. I had one only 3 years ago (was 22 at the time) it was a nothing.
Wishing you lots and lots of nothings, as much as you can handle.
Oh man. I have the exact same thing. I’ve been ignoring it… but your honesty has definitely made me man up to my own self and realize that I need to have it checked. Even though there is a 99.9% chance it will all be nothing. I am sending you sparkly Asian good luck vibes in the hopes that it is nothing for you and then all that good karma bounces back and it is nothing for me. Stay strong, lady.
I will go back and finish reading the post after I comment, because I stopped reading to comment as soon as I got to “found one.” You have lifted SO many of my days and nights and weekends and weeks. This blog is the only place I have ever written out my failed attempt at breastfeeding and you commented on my comment and made my YEAR with your understanding. I believe my exclamation to Hubs was “OMGOMGOMGOMG MODG commented on my comment. COMELOOKATTHISNOW.” And then I cried about it again, but my god was it cathartic.
Anyway, I’m sure it’s nothing. But whether it’s nothing or something, I will be reading and thinking about you and sending you iHugs (both Internet and iPhone hugs). You are a happy in my life – just thought you’d wanna know.
/serious
Xo Meg
Its most likely nothing. Cancerous tumors are not near the surface and you can’t move them around. I had the same thing, it was a cyst.
Not true. Cancerous tumors are often near the surface (or you wouldn’t be able to feel them). Not trying to start a fight, I just don’t want any women reading this and saying “oh my lump is near the surface and if I push it like this… it moves… kinda. so it’s not cancer!”
I’m just a big advocate for getting it checked, which you obviously did.
Even if it’s not the Nothing, you would kick its ass!
My big sis found a lump a year and a half ago. She was 36. She has made it through chemo & a double mastectomy. Her reconstruction is scheduled for this April. There have been moments full of suck, but she’s had the most amazing attitude. She’s been incredibly brave and strong for her 2 boys (7 & 10).
In another few months, she’s going to have a spectacular new set of cans of which I’m sure I’ll be crazy jealous.
Hope it’s nothing…stay off Google! I have a 20cm ovarian cyst, and Google pretty much left me in tears!
Sending you all the clean boobie mojo I can muster!
Before they declare this as nothing you need:
1) Mammogram (I know you already have one scheduled)
2) Ultrasound
3) Fine needle biopsy
ALL THREE of these need to be done and normal in order to rule out the bad stuff as they all look at slightly different things.
Love & Hugs,
Friendly Nurse Practitioner Reader
Everything will be okay – I know it.
oxxoxoxoxox
cortnie
You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I can’t wait to virtually celebrate the great news with you. I am 2.5 years on after my diagnosis when my baby boy was 10 weeks old, so I would be happy to lend an ear, or tell you a story with a happy ending if you need it
Thinking of you.
Sending a lot of love, hope and courage your way.
xo,
S
I’m a long time reader of your blog but I rarely comment. However I wanted to thank you for being so real here, for being open about what is going on with you. It isn’t easy and it made me cry just reading it because I think about what I would do if I found out I had cancer – and what would happen to my 8mo daughter, to whom I am the center of the universe. I just can’t even fathom. So I’m praying for you and for every other woman who finds herself in your shoes and praying I never find myself there. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that 1 in 3 women will have cancer in her lifetime – and we can only pray and hope and be the support system for our sisters and mothers and daughters and aunts and cousins and friends going through it and hope they will do the same for us. We’re with you in spirit and I hope to hear that something is nothing.
Sending love and prayers your way, MODG. And whether it’s nothing or it’s something, you do have 250,000 people loving you through it. Keep us posted!
My thoughts are with you and the boys MODG.
I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope a thousand times a million times that it is nothing. But if it’s not, you have my complete and total support. Seriously. Email me. I am a reader who cares. But more importantly, when I quit breast feeding my son in March 2010 (right after his first birthday) there was a lump. And it was something. But now I am a survivor, who is healthy and only has to see her oncologist twice a year for check ups. So, if you need a sounding board who has been through this, you’ve got one.
A: Regarding the picture… I have not seen that movie in forever. Now I want to. Hubby is gonna roll his eyes after I add this to the Netflix queue…
B: I know you’re not really “into” this, but… I am praying for you. For strength. And peace. And hopefully, The Nothing. Just had to throw that out there.
Thinking of you.
Hey MODG,
I’ve been reading for a while, but this is my first comment. I just wanted to tell you that even if you get the worst news, it doesn’t mean the worst outcome. My husband was diagnosed with melanoma about four months after we had our first baby. I was in the throes of PPD / PPA. He was only 27 years old. I felt like our world was spinning out of control.
Here’s what happened: first they threw out the M word… it might be melanoma (what the FFFFFFFFFFF?!?! Just threw it in there, all casual like). The waiting (and concurrent googling) was the worst time of my life. Then it was confirmed, and it was off to the cancer treatment center, where we found out appeared to be aggressive, and it had access to his lymph system. Bad, meet worse. But MODG? They took him in for testing, and it hadn’t made its way there. And then they took him in for surgery, and though he has a big ass scar, he doesn’t have cancer anymore. He never had to have chemo or radiation.
It’s super scary, and my heart goes out to you. It’s okay to be scared, and to cry, and even to google (try not to… but you’re only human). But just know that this is the worst part, k? And even if it seems to get worse from here, it can get better too.
Andrea
Hi MODG,
I’ve never posted before, but I read your blog all the time and it makes me really happy. Just wanted to say – good luck on Wednesday and I hope all turns out well. I’ll be thinking of you!
Modg, I just found your blog through peppermint bliss and I have to thank you for all the serious lols. I was so bummed to see this post and I’m hoping for the very best for you. Thank you for the reminder to give em a squeeze and check.
Thinking of you
Chin up and chest out! You’ve got this by the balls! Go into this with a positive attitude and you’ll be fine. You and your family are in my prayers.
BTW….You are SO freakin’ awesomeface!
Hi MODG,
I’ve never posted before either, but I love your blog. I am really sorry about your scare. I’m hoping that a scare is all it is –the numbers are on your side. Hoping you’re ok.
Hey MODG,
First, let me say bravo for making sure you get that lump checked. Statistically speaking, it is probably nothing. But, make sure you do everything you need to in order to be 100% sure it’s not “something”. Some stupid old doctors will tell women our age that “you are too young for cancer” and say “let’s wait a few months and see if it goes away”. Bullshit. I know 20 year olds that have had breast cancer. There is no such thing as “too young”. Bottom line, it is always worth getting checked.
Second, it’s probably nothing. I’ll pray for you that it is nothing. BUT if it turns out to be “something”, please email me. I’m a 30 year old survivor. I have an almost 3 year old at home. I’ve lived it and I’m more than willing to provide any support/advice/honesty that you need. Hell, if you’re freaking out and just want to ask any questions now, feel free to email.
That being said, there is a 90% chance (or more) that it’s nothing. Just keep thinking benign thoughts.
Wishing you a little peace and some sleep.
MODG, my heart goes out to you. Something or nothing, this is traumatic! I have been loving your blog since discovering it about a month ago, and I just wanted to send you good thoughts, and to offer a link to an inspiring blog I’ve been following, where something turned out to be something, but it has a happy ending: http://10019musings.blogspot.com/2011/12/this-moment.html
Wow, thanks Kerri for the shout-out and calling my experience a happy ending (I was just thinking yesterday I could really use a happy ending right about now). And MODG, I saw that your scare is over but wanted to say I’m extremely happy it was nothing. Breast cancer no longer means death but it means a whole world of suck and far too much Googling and I hate to think of anyone else who has to endure it.
BTDT and it suck the big one. I wish I could say something helpful – I will say you are a great Mom and wife and welcome to the world where nothing about yourself matters as much as those you love – THAT is real love. And also, everything is going to be okay. Even if it *is* something, it is so much more likely that it is nothing because you are a regular and good squeezer. Also – every time I read your blog I love you more and more and more. Can you be my best friend? Except that I’m old? You are the only other person I know who could tie booby scares with my favorite childhood movie of all time (well, next to princess bride).
Thinking of you!
Lots of love and ‘nothingness’ are being sent your way, MODG! xo
Well. It’s nothing. Really, it’s nothing. But if it is something, you can handle it. If I can? You can. And I did.
And Google is a bitch. On PMS. Leave it alone.
I’ve been lurking on your site since your Operation We’re All Not Assholes post. And since then, I’ve come to appreciate your blog so much because you’re so funny and sarcastic (and a fellow Philly area girl). Anyway, I’m just a lurker de-lurking to say that you’ll be in my thoughts in prayers and I’m sending oodles of *nothing* fairy dust your way.
its nothing!
and to take your mind off the nothing feast your eyes on this…best thing rachel bilson has done since the oc. so funny, totally turned my frown upside down today, and hopefully will make you giggle!
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d31d8fc05d/call-me-doctor-with-rachel-bilson?rel=player
ps. i’m so not technical, i hope the link works!
I’ve come across your blog in the past few days and you’ve given me more guffaws than I can count! Then I came across the most recent post…heart skipped. I’m so sorry for you and your loved ones during this recent scare, and now I will be compelled to check in to see the conclusion. Nonetheless, after the deluge of personal stories here, I too, wanted to contribute. Just last week, I went for my yearly Gyno/PAP/etc. appt. and she found a large brown spot in my ‘Man Clam’. Words like Melanoma and Vulvar Cancer were thrown around….Melanoma? In MY VULVA?!! Sweet baby Jesus! I wasn’t given the memo on that one, EVER. If women don’t already have everything to worry about, now there’s Cootch cancer added to the roster? But it exists, although it is very rare in younger women. However, I have felt every ounce of anxiety you have felt. And I want you to know that, simultaneously, all across the other side of the coast, you’re seriously not alone. Recently, Pathology assured me that it has turned out to be non-cancerous. However, I still have to go for a follow-up/discussion this Friday, and your palpable inner fortitude has inspired me to ‘woman up’ and stay positive…and for you darlin’ dove, I wish the same. Sending all the Luck Dragons, Mental Margaritas and Cosmic Croissants your way.
a few weeks before i graduated college i had to have ultrasounds done on my boobs because of suspicious lumps. and it turned out to be nothing. i totally understand your anxiety. but i remember that if it was something, there were many people in my life ready to help me and support. and you have that in real life and internet life. i’ll keep you in my thoughts lady.
These must feel like the longest days. Thinking of you. xo
So, is it totally stalker-ish for a reader to post twice on the same entry? Anyway, I’m sending extra sparkly thoughts for you tomorrow in hopes that you have a whole lot of nothing:)
Okay, I’m stalking you as well (thanks for breaking the ice on this, Heather). I know you haven’t posted because I have you in my blogger feed – but I had to come back anyway today. There’s a gigantic ton of the internet thinking of you. I love all boobs, but I have an internet crush on you AND you talk about feeding with them and finding bad oatmeal mojo in them so I came back to check on yours. Hugs.
Also – when you watched that movie did you ever think “OMG – he ate THE APPLE CORE?!” because I thought about that part as much as I thought about the pearl tiara and how I would have looked awesome in it…
Oooof. That is not fun to worry about at all. Hoping for the best for you!
This sucks. You will be fine! By the way, when you finally got your period back…do you now use a diva cup or lunette cup?? Or do you still use tampons? I wasnt sure if you went hippie with menstrual products as well.
I’m late to the game but read the OK message before this. I’m seriously so glad you’re alright. I try to feel myself up often and I’m really happy that years ago my gyno had me feel a “model” that showed you how the different lumps should feel. Sort of the difference like you said between a “typical breast bump” and something to be concerned with.
Thank you for being open, sharing and keeping us all aware of how quickly our bodies can change on us! ox
So I went to the doctor the other day because I haven’t been able to bear weight on my right foot for a week (since I ran a half marathon). We did xrays for good measure, but the doc thought it was just the tendon (plantar fasciitis). Anyways, I get a call last night and it turns out that they think I have a benign bone tumor on my foot. Key words “think” and “benign.” I immediately thought of this post that you wrote the other day and about the waiting for results and of your son. I also have a son, 10 months old, that totally reminds me of G. Colicky as an infant, and kinda dramatic as he gets older. But totally awesome. I am trying not to panic as I wait for my insurance to get approved for the orthopedic doctor appointment. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for writing the post and I am SO Happy that yours turned out to be nothing. Im hoping for some nothing too! (well… it definitely is something, but I am hoping for benign, easy removal, quick recovery!)
I just came across your blog from Outblush. Man, you have some funny one liners!
This post speaks to me in particular.
I was putting on body lotion this time last year (as I do everday, twice a day, because I am obsessed with clean soft skin…. and just plain obsessed). Just like yourself in the shower, I found the dreaded lump. I was not breast feeding however (still too self centered to have kiddies yet, I figure.) Unfortunatly my story was not the nothing I also wished for. Funny how your mind goes to the dark places and google certainly helps get you there. I can’t believe it is getting close to a year since hearing the hateful “C” word. But like you said, this is real life and it’s good to openly talk about it. And you always have support (it arrives in places you least expect) when you need it. Good for you for squeezing the girls and getting promt medical attention. Even young women need to be mindful of breast cancer (I was 29.)
I hope your little angle gets well ASAP, so more shits can be sunk in septic tank/tub. Look forward to reading more of your posts