B ate the last cinnamon roll. Do you know what kind of crime that is against pregnancy and the female population as a whole? Do you know the anger and resentment I feel burning inside of my Yoshi? It’s not MY fault that Yoshi NEEDS cinnamon buns to grow. But it’s your fault B for withholding food from your unborn child.
Now I sit here at my computer stewing with rage and furiously scouring pinterest for a suitable bake-able option that doesn’t require eggs or milk or anything else that we don’t have in our house. Oh, it can’t include LEFTOVER CINNAMON BUNS EITHER. In case you weren’t sure.
But as I sit here, I remember something that I’ve been meaning to tell the world about now for 3 years. So it’s clearly important. This could change your life.
I’m going to tell it via story.
One day I sat at my computer, at my desk, in my chair. 5 minutes later I pooped. Not ON the chair. That was a different day. The next day I sat at my computer and 5 minutes later I pooped. Later that same night, I sat at my computer and then I pooped. Interesting.
The next day, B used my computer and then I heard him in the bathroom. Oh I heard him alright.
I kicked him out of the computer. It’s mine. Before I knew it. I was pooping.
Fast forward 1 month.
Me: B, I have to tell you something weird.
B: Oh god, does it involve wigs on cats again?
Me: No, not this time. But definitely next time.
B: Ok what is it.
Me: I think we have a poop chair.
B: Go on….(B is very interested in talking about poop. More than I am)
Me: Ok, I know this is weird, but every time I sit at the computer, I have to poop. I think it’s the chair.
B: I wasn’t going to say anything but me too!
(ok STOP EVERYTHING. You need to know that B has majah poop problems. Like there are tales of him with enemas in his frat house. And I don’t feel bad telling you since he ATE MY LAST CINNAMON BUN)
Me: Are you serious?! B, do you realize the goldmine we are sitting on. PUN INTENDED BUT ALSO NOT BECAUSE THIS IS A SERIOUS POOP CHAIR!
B: Definitely. Don’t tell anyone.
Me: Ok. (all bets are off when the baked goods go missing B. I’m telling everyone)
So as you all know with my current pregnant with a Yoshi and also pregnant with butt nut triplets, pooping is high on my list now of super things. And the easier it goes, the better my life. Well friends, 3 years later and the poop chair is still in business.
I know, you’re dying to see the chair.
Here it is
It’s from Ikea and it’s the Gilbert Chair. I really really hope people google search Gilbert Chair and find this post. So I think the secret is in the little dip you see in the back of the seat. I think it’s a poopular angle.
Now I know what you’re saying. MODG, don’t be dim, it’s just sitting in a hard chair. WRONG friends. wrong.
These are our other chairs:
We sit in these to eat dinner every night. And other sitable times. No poop.
And there you have it friends. The most important post that I have ever written. Actually, it’s not. I really just needed an excuse to talk about B pooping on the internet to get back at him for cinnamonbungate.
I leave you with this.