Hey Ho’s.
So today’s post will probably piss you off. It’s mostly because I’m going to yell at you. And you’re going to be like, “who does she think she is? She’s pregnant and then usually not a completely terrible fatty. She doesn’t even know.” But I’m still going to say it and you’ll thank me. Maybe.
We’re talking swimwear. Again.
Mom swimwear. Or lovely lady swimwear if you’re fancy.
So last night I’m out to dinner with my mom friends and we’re talking about our local public pool. Everyday, there are a brigade of moms (not us) that all know each other and sit on the edge of the pool in a row and watch their kids. So I proceed to tell my group how their swimwear choices drive me crazy. They all are clearly under the age of 60 (and most likely under 40 but who could tell) and dressing like it’s the grandma pageant circa 1954. And they aren’t fat and don’t need to wear a damn birqa to the pool. As I say this, all of my friends slowly look down at their feet and divert their eyes from my judgey glare. And then I realize. NOT YOU TOO! What you all are sporting damn tankini dresses to the pool? You are all young and hot. And it gets quiet.
Ok, hear me out.
I understand that we ALL have some pudge. We all have some cellulite. None of us want to be all pastey glow in the dark good queen saddlebags in public. Especially when it’s just time to watch your kid and probably not pick up a male suitor. But these damn bathing suits aren’t doing anyone any favors. And I really realized that when I ran into another mom friend who is Brazilian. Dude, those Brazilians know what’s up. She had a baby A WEEK AGO. And was in a bikini. We could all learn from her people. She did not give one shit or many shits for that matter what anyone thought. and she had a belly and she had cellulite but you know what? She looked hot. And she was running around, not trying to cover her parts up with strange fabric. She was even (gasp) sitting down. You know, in the position that makes your pooch pop out. But she looked young, and fun and awesome. And really all I saw were her awesome boobs anyway.
And the moms who are super covered up in their bathingdresses? Sure I couldn’t see their fat bumps, but they looked old and sad and like no one that would be on the penis parade. Actually, a penis parade sounds horrible. Nevermind. You know what I’m saying.
What was I wearing at the pool? A one piece with shorts over it. And I felt stupid. I mean, I should have just taken the damn shorts off after seeing Brazilian mom. I actually should have just rocked the bump. But listen, I do understand that a bikini isn’t totally necessary or for everyone at the baby pool. But neither is an evening gown people. So let’s talk options.
In my quest to find bathing suits for my early pregnant belly, I explored many options with what I’d call a pooch. I mean it wasn’t really a bump yet. And my legs are also carrying their own set of twins. So that’s awesome. But I think that a lot of people can relate to this bodyshape, preg or not.
Here’s what did not work.
Tankinkis.
I promise you. It’s not good for a pooch. The loose swim fabric makes you look wider and sloppy. You’re trying to cover up and it’s just not working. Here are some no examples.
Ok, still with me? Now for those of you who are like HISSSSS MODG I LIKE TANKINIS. Here is one that I think is cool. I really think the way to get away with it is to go sporty. Think like cool swimmer who throws a tank over her bikini like this one from J.Crew.
See the diff?
Ok let’s talk more things that could work. This is still my favorite bathingsuit for a post partum pooch or also a post pastry pooch. I wore it last year after G. And also after pastries.
I have this bad boy from La Blanca
A similar option that I also have and love is from JCrew. The deep v is cute and draws your eyes away from your lump a bumps that live in your legs and ass. My pooch is tucked and sucked and my giant milk bags are in your face. Also it’s nice to carry around a table to cover up your ass in pictures. So do that too.
Another option that I totally love is this retro one piece from Old Navy. I saw a girl in it at the pool and I RAN over to her to tell her how amazing she looked and where did she get it and when. She told me Old Navy and I almost fell off my baby. I RAN home to check the Old Navy site and of course it’s gone. But check your local store, they may have it. Now I should say I normally don’t love this cut on me because I’m short and my legs have some extra bulk right now. But this was good. I promise. Here is a picture that I stole off of someone else’s blog.
If you find this in a store, send me one. I think I’m a medium. I’ll send you a billion doll hairs.
And my next suggestion (because I’m clearly SUCH an expert at really nothing) is to give the bikini a whirl. You may surprise yourself. My friend just recommended this site (Hapari) to me to mix and match tops and bottoms. I think getting a bikini with the right size top AND bottom is way important. I’m a fan of the side tie for love handle adjustability.
I like the tops that come a little lower on your torso. I think they are skinnifying. Also white top means big boobs and black bottom means small ass. That’s science.
Another bottom that I’m a big fan of (good bottoms do NOT cut into side fat)
Is this one from J.Crew that you can mix and match with like any top ever.
Order a size smaller than you think you’d need. Proms.
LAST suggestion and this is a total wildcard.
If you want to be totally cool whatever girl. Maybe try this….
Just throw on a bikini with a fitted white tank over it. Then you’re sporty I don’t care girl. I wish I could find a picture of this. Throw on a cute hat and shades. Bam. You’re so awesome and I want to be your friend.
Now I know you still may be side-eying me over there, saying that I have no idea about fat stuff. But here’s the thing. Every woman has an issue with her body. Every woman hates something. I remember seeing Charlotte on Sex and the City say she hates her thighs and I wanted to beat her with my flab tummy. But from my special science observation, don’t be afraid. Dress your age, flaunt your good shit. You’ll look better for it, I promise. I’m going to try and take my own advice and just because I’ve been a medium asshole in this post, I will take pictures and you can judge me. All pregnant and sick.
And I’m going to remember my brazilian friend and TRY to not give a shit. We’ll see. I tend to give shits.
Ok what do you think? Also I’d love your recommendations to the ladies of the world to keep looking our age at the pool.
WORD out
MODG
**UPDATE**
If you take my advice (as you should) and flaunt your sexy self at the pool or the beach, send me a picture to modgblog at gmail. We need to start revolution. I would love to post some DO’S for the ladies. Be confident
**DOUBLE UPDATE**
I want to emphasize that I wrote this post specifically for the NON pregnant girl with some pudge. Outside of the Old Navy retro and the foldover Jcrew bottoms, I wouldn’t necessarily wear these suits pregnant. For many reasons. BUT because of your interest level in this topic, I’m going to do a preg specific post on swimwear. Because after a lot of trial and mostly error, I found some winners. Post to come.
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 141 comments }
LOVE! I am a big fan of flaunt what your mama gave ya. You go girl!
Okay MODG….I wear tankins all the time…but I’m also an “all the time” fatty and don’t feel the need for ppl to see every roll I’m rocking…but I do choose to go with a more sporty, less grandma look.
As for your bathing suit needs (and that adorable ON suit you found) there are a SHIT TON at this site, and my friend Becky who is currently preggo with twins SWEARS by it. http://www.modcloth.com/shop/onepiece-swimwear
Good luck!
Katie, despite your self proclaimed “all the time fattiness”, try a cool one-piece. I bet you’ll look hot balls.
PS, modcloth suits are a little too retro for me. I liked the old navy one because it’s modern and just bordering on slutty pin up
The biggest prob aside from having the preggo weird beginning of the 2nd trimester pooch is also how the one pieces give mad camel toe. So if anyone out there is like me with a super long torso, get this one from JCrew. I have the cherry red one and it’s super flaterring, super Bethanny Frankel.
http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/swim/onepiecetanks/PRDOVR~10235/10235.jsp
This is exactly the post I needed to read right now.
I’ve been on the hunt for bathing suits, and while I shudder at the thought of a freakin’ SWIM DRESS, I’ve definitely been seeking out the more conservative one pieces, given the state of my wine belly. But you’re totally right about dressing your age and not giving a shit and who cares if my tummy isn’t totally flat or the back of my thighs have cellulite? My legs are strong and I run but I also eat and drink lots of wine. So that’s that.
I’m gonna check out the links you posted cause I love that second big-boob one piece. And you look GREAT in both of those suits, by the way.
I should also say that I STARED at a moderately chubby mom who had AMAZING muscular legs for like an hour at the pool. I was really jealous.
I’m sorry, did you say something? I’ve been staring at your milk boobs…
MODG, I was just e-shopping for bathing suits today, but I vommed in my mouth and quickly closed the windows on Whitey (my computer) because I was so overwhelmed/grossed out by my self. Ugh. Thanks for the suggestions. And the pep talk.
Anthropologie has almost the same suit as the one from Old Navy. Obviously it’s a bit more expensive, but I have it and I love it. The ruching is flattering, the bra cups are uplifting, and the retro look is “I may be self conscious about my tummy fluff, but I’m still hot.” http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-swims/953678.jsp
super cute but the ON one has the ability to pull the top up a little and change the ruching if you don’t like the way it cuts your legs off. THIS IS WHY I NEED THIS PERFECT SUIT.
I have the ON suit in Black…love, love, love it. They had the red one at the store – but was not my size…:( Never in a million years did I think I would find my swimsuit at ON…I should have checked there last year…would have saved me about $500.
Ok so I’m literally in old navy (I never come here.. I came to find the red suit) and they have a SHIT TON! Give or take.. I can’t stand in the middle of the store and read thru all comments (I’ve already been knocked into twice posting this) but if no ones found it for you yet email me I’ll snatch one up and send it your way(I think youre a small though) I’m guessing you can see my email.
THanks Kristin but someone got it for me!
(a) I am going to a beach-like destination in August, when I’ll be 17-18 weeks along… so THANK YOU for this excellent post!
(b) However, when I look at it in Google Chrome, the “tweet like +1 pin-it” bar-o-social-media turns into a giant white box of doom, covers half the page, and can’t be removed. So here I am in IE getting my MODG fix.
(c) I love your blog. Thanks for being awesome.
Katy, I’ll look into the google chrome asshole-ness
I so want that la Blanca suit but am nervous about ordering a bathing suit online. Did you order up/down a size?? I’m a 6 but usually get swimwear in an 8-10 because I hate bulges/feeling like a wrapped sausage. Please please respond!!
TOTALLY true to size. I promise. But if you’re at all concerned, order a size up.
Thank you!! Ordering now!
For the first two thirds of this I was all “EF you Modg you’re a MILF and I’m actually fat! What about my giant thunder thighs, huh? What about THAT?”
But by the end, I was sort of with you. Covering up my thighs doesn’t make em look smaller, it just makes them look like huge thighs in shorts. So – less comfortable.
Now I need to go find a cute hat before I go to the beach tomorrow (because it’s cheaper than replacing my one-piece) … this is going to make all the difference. I just KNOW it!
I got a super cute beachy hat at Urban Outfitters on sale. It totally makes me look skinnier
Thank you for saying this! I could not agree more. This year I decided to buy a one piece cause I was just not as comfortable in my bikini as I use to be. I felt really bad about myself while shopping but after I found this from WHBM http://alturl.com/2qkeq I was okay. Mine is actually polka dot like the one from Old Navy you like. I feel really cute in it and my badonk is sufficiently covered. My husband said I look like a Pin Up in it. You have to show SOME skin and wear something you feel cute in otherwise you’ll just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Show that body baby!
I agree with this. A strapless one-piece takes away the old-ladiness feel of it. Awesome pick.
Okay MODG, I started this post out kind of rolling my eyes, because I thought you were going to tell everyone to wear a bikini. But, it turns out, I agree with every single thing you wrote here! I just got back yesterday from a 2 week vacation in the Dominican Republic and did a lot of bathing suit observing, a LOT. I learned that pretty much 1% of the world (obviously an exact statistic) looks amazing in a bikini. The rest? Look normal! People are way too hard on themselves! Everyone has flaws, but I guarantee you, whoever you are, there will be people in bikinis who look MUCH worse than you. And they don’t care, they are having fun! I don’t judge these people, but like you, I started judging the loose, drape-y sheets of fabric people were wearing. They aren’t doing anyone any favors. I’m not saying everyone needs to wear a bikini, but i agree with you that there are way more choices than tankinis and skirts! Some days I wore a bikini, and the days where I felt puffy and bloated from binge drinking all day, I have a rouched one shoulder one piece from Nordstrom that I think EVERYONE could look good in! (maybe I should mention, I don’t have kids, in case anyone was worried that I was boozing around with kids on vaca)
http://m.nordstrom.com/Product/Details/3324419?origin=keywordsearch
(that is the link to the one I think everyone would look good in. I got it in black and it looks a lot less mummy-like than the white does)
Sorry for the ridiculously long comment, it turns out that I have a lot to say on bathing suits.
That’s an amazing one piece.
I think it’s something in the Brazilian genes… My best friend is Brazilian and while she’s tiny to start out she rocks her body with a confidence rarely seen. She doesn’t care what people think about her. I say it helps that she’s genetically pre-disposed to being smaller, but even after the birth of her kids she wouldn’t have batted an eyelash at wearing what she would normally wear – post baby pooch and all.
I once tried on a once piece control everything suit. I quickly discovered that fat looks much better in it’s natural state than it does squeezed into a sausage casing, just let it out. Also I will be trying the “wife beater” a-shirt this 4th of July as I just bought a new bikini and it mostly fits but the girls are any variety of sizes right now because the 1 year old sometimes nurses all day and other days steels my beer bottle.
How is she in a bikini – or a swimsuit of any kind – one week after giving birth? Hello, where does the massive diaper-pad go? I was bleeding for six long weeks after both of my deliveries… so how is this accomplished?
Ashley that is a REALLY good question.
I found the old navy swimsuit!! And a blue one that is similar! I’m central PA too.
just emailed you
I love this post with a fat passion.
Well, fuck, I love all your posts, but this one expecially. And yes, I added an ‘x’ in there because I’m awesome.
I also love that you used the phrase ‘doll hairs’. I say that all the damn time, thank you Dumb N Dumberer.
ANNNNND, I just had baby #2 7 months ago and I just sported my first bikini in over 7 years a few weekends ago.
Cellulite, stretch marks and all. Suck it tight skin!
And I felt pretty fucking amazing.
http://www.mamalaughlin.com/2012/06/milf-monday-weekend-updates.html
I do have a retro one piece ruching zebra suit as well and I rock that shit, too, but I was ultra proud of my bikini.
My advice is to have several drinks and then you won’t give a giraffes ass what you look like in that bikini. All moms need to know life is not limited to just flowy tankinis after babies!
AMEN!
good for you. If I saw you in person I would be inspired/jealous
Okay!! Yea…I admit I like the tankini too! I’m just not built for cool one pieces with my awesome thighs my mama gave me
However I did find the coolest shit ever at kohls!! They are swim SHORTS and totally sporty! They cling to you. Don’t hide everything but who doesn’t have a little dimple on backs of legs…but at least if you have a “little” saddlebag goin…these shorts suck those puppies UP!!! Then you can sport your bikini top, tankini top…WHATEVER!! And I totally love the tank top over bikini any day! 
And its very true…the girls who are confident get notied the most 
Also the best bathing suit i ever got that flattered my figure I bought at nordstrom. I paid a little more (i was also single and pre baby) but hippie and curvy. Low rise bottoms flatter and illude flatter tummies, and the top did wonders for my boobs! Short girl here. Excellent choice!
Dude VODA SWIM tankinis, monokinis, one piece, etc. Amazesauce.
i found a one piece at target that is almost identical to the old navy one you’re looking for, except it’s in solids not polka dots, and the strap around the neck is removable so it doesn’t have a tie in the back. it’s very flattering, i’ve worn it probably six times already and i love it
http://www.target.com/p/merona-womens-shirred-1-piece-swimdress-assorted-colors/-/A-13317829
OMG you are awesome, MODG. I have been totally perplexed since I started swim lessons a few months ago with my 1 yr old. I show up in my bikini (because I love bikinis and it’s all I own; seriously, so what if I’m less hot than before baby; I now have a super cute bambino in tow, so whatever.) Anyhoo, it’s been weirding me out because ALL the other moms, many of whom have way hotter bodies than mine – seriously, unlike me, some of these moms obviously spend time at the gym after the swim lesson – are wearing grandma suits, often with a skirt or other ridiculous extra fabric. I totally understand that if you pack on a little extra poundage, the options for cute suits are limited, but why do moms who totally still have it wear pilgrim outfits in the water? I even succumbed at the last lesson, and I wore an old speedo one-piece I used to use to swim laps and some board shorts. Why did I do this? Because I’m weak. And I want to make mommy friends, and I thought they were judging me for my bikini. Thanks for reminding me there are other way more attractive options out there!
They are staring at you for the same reason I stared at Brazilian mom. Keep rocking it
I love color blocking when it comes to bathing suits. Black in the middle and color running down the sides. Slims EVERYTHILNG.
I’m totally hauling my a** to Old Navy tomorrow. I may buy the La Blanca too. I need a bunch since I’m in S. Florida!
For me it’s not a body issue thing – it’s a modesty thing. I don’t know why but I would have no problem running around after my 18 month old in a teeny tiny bikini on the beach but at the public pool, I feel like I have to wear something ultra conservative.
Dude, I totally get the modesty thing. I would have trouble in a bikini at the baby pool. But in my opinion a one piece SANS skirt it totally acceptable
i hate bathing suits. i only look good in them in the morning.
after my daily bag of potato chips it’s just no good.
my kid doesn’t swim anyway…
I’mma tell you right now that I’ll rock the bikini until someone that loves me tells me absolutely NO. Dude. I’m 30. I’m in good shape. I live 10 minutes from the beach in SW Florida. I’m gonna rock that shit out, yo.
How is the J.Crew with boob support? I have 38 DD…. Yours look pretty big in the picture, so I was wondering how they would do with mine. Penis parades are pretty fun.. It’s a bunch of drunk Japanese people playing with penis’s. It’s the funniest shit ever. I highly recommend seeing it if you can.
like 50% of jcrew suits are fited by bra size and actually come in DD sizes. Do that shit.
I just realized I put penis’s and it’s penises. This must be what it’s like to be in Teresa Giudice’s head. On another note – If I saw her and Melissa at the pool…. I’d put a poncho on pronto. Definitely hitting up the Crew… THANKS!
Bravo!
I was seven months preggo with baby #1 when summer hit. I panicked, because normally I spen a lot of time at the beach, and being pregnant for the first time, I didn’t know what to do about swimwear. I’ve always been a bikini girl, usually string. I like the adjustability. Anyway, I did what apparently lots of us do and marched into the old lady/preggo section of the local swimwear store and started what would become one of the most depressing swimsuit searches EVAR.
Halfway through my sad parade of control top, skirted, tank style, giant bottom, floral nylon horror, I decided “fuck this. I am NOT spending like 200 bucks on a swimsuit that makes me ashamed and that I will likely burn after this summer anyway because I’m never going to get pregnant again anyway!” ( which of course I did – the following summer…)
I ran out of the uglywear store and to my favorite surf shop, where I bought an awesome Billabong bikini.( surf bikinis are good because they’re made to hold boobs and stuff in place while flying down the front of a huge wave – so I figured they could probably keep my giant premilk knockers covered up for a day at the lake…)
I got a lot of side eye ( mostly from other ladies who thought they had to rock a swimskirt for one reason or another), but I got even more compliments, and I think I rocked the hot mama look, too.
The Billabong bikini got me through both of my pregnancies and, because of the magic of quality construction, I am about to rock it again this year, while playing at the beach with my two adorable sons. I’ll probably get a lot of side eye again, but hey – it’s not MY fault you chose to buy your swimwear at Lady Big N’ Tall when you could have been shakin’ what your mama gave ya!
If I can find any pics from the first summer I will be SURE to send them your way!
I’m going to check Billabong right now. This is a great tip. Surf Suits for all!
My last pregnancy I made the mistake of wearing maternity tankinis. Awful. There is so much fabric and my belly doesn’t get that big anyway so it was a hot mess. The good thing is I only had to wear it for my daughter’s swim lessons at the Y. I used to lifeguard in the Philly burbs every summer and loved the moms who just wore a two piece rather that a ridiculous tankini or a one pice with that kangaroo pouch thing that just hangs there until the belly is big enough to fill it up.
Now I’m 35 weeks with my third and living in Key West. I’ve decided to just go all out with a bikini that fits my boobs and ass and let the belly hang out. A tank over it all for the really bloated days does the trick. Again, this is Key West where people walk down the street in a thong at 2:00 in the afternoon, so a pregnant lady in a bikini is no big thing.
I love the suit ideas you gave. You know what I liked even more? None of these women seem to give one flying fig newton if they look great or not. That, ladies, is where it’s really at. Flaunt what you got and just ignore everything else. Rock on ladies.
Never been a swimsuit girl. BD all the way. However, now that I have a toddler I have told myself to grow up and embrace the thigh/ass bulge that only Lycra can make even more unappealing.
I found this suit and for the first time, I look forward to baby pool time. Now if I could just stop my cold, wet, dirty kid from wanting to nurse when I’m all warm and confident…
http://tinyurl.com/7grp5b3
LOVE your writing, but you knew that. And cannot wait to hear what Yoshi’s working with.
I tried really hard to be all pissed off about this post. I mean this skinny person who probably could not fit into my size 12 pants at 9 months pregnant is telling ME that my very safe swim skirt makes me look like my nanny?!
But alas, you’re right, MODG. I bought a swim skirt for the first time this year to cover up my thighs but then I looked closely at the pictures you posted and yes, they are fugly. Dammit.
Thanks to Amazon Prime, I purchased three La Blanca suits just a minute ago (planning to only keep one but a girl’s gotta have options.) I might still not agree with you fully on the tankini issue but you have a point about the swim dress/skirt/turtleneck thing. Thanks for the burst of confidence. My soon to be a bit more tan thighs thank you.
give me a full review on La Blanca. I’m a big fan
I LIKE me a tankini…but not the tent-like tankinis. The kind that fit like a tank top. I’m not proportional enough to do a one-piece, as trying on something like 387 two summers ago taught me. I usually like a bikini, but sometimes a tankini is more appropriate (work-related pool parties make the bathing suit options more difficult). I’m pregnant too this year & finally found a “maternity” tankini from old navy that’s longer than a normal one, so the bump got re-covered-up. I held off on the maternity version as long as I could though. I figure there’s no hiding the baby bump, so show it off as much as I can (but I still keep the bikini for my back yard. My boobs grew 4 times their normal size & I don’t want to get new bikini tops for this season)
I get that. sometimes one pieces if not cut right, ride up my ass and give me ass indents in my cellulite. It’s as pretty as it sounds
I have that ON swimsuit. It is supercute. But it also has their “slimming technology” and it’s no joke. This is awesome for my and post baby body. My stomach is practically concave in this thing. But I don’t know how that’s going to feel on a belly with a baby inside of it. (Worst case scenario – you can wear it next summer). I was pregnant last summer, and way beyond the pooch stage. I bought some cute maternity swimsuits on Zulily (they really were cute!) and some bikinis in a size up from JCrew. I rocked those bikinis all summer longer and hardly touched the one pieces. That may have been the only time in my life that I could wear a bikini and not have to worry about sucking in and I wasn’t going to let it pass me by. I didn’t care what people though. I was 2 people, so I could do whatever I wanted.
Thank you for this. This year, I bought a one-piece for the first time. Before this, I wore a bikini even while I was pregnant, because I didn’t care. But now I have a 5 month old and a crazy belly, and I hate it (the belly, that is) so much that I bought a mom bathing suit. It’s from Old Navy, but it was the only thing they had in March: it’s solid purple. I look and feel like a sad grape ape in it. Thanks to this post, I am going to go try on my old pile of 2-pieces to see if anything covers my boobs right now. Otherwise, I’m going shopping for a new one, because there really is no reason to look like an old lady just because I still have baby weight. I just had her, for Pete’s sake! Right?! Your post made me realize that I need to stop caring so much about what people might think, so thanks for that.
M, did you try Hapari’s tummy tuck bottoms? i can’t decide if they’re too mom underwear.
I haven’t tried any yet. The tummy tuck one could look vintage OR mom. Not sure. It’s 50 50
ok update. Just got this from a friend:
I was reading some of your comments (which are great because I am getting more swimsuit ideas) and wanted to help you answer a question about the tummy tuck bottoms. I ordered those and was worried about how retro they would look. The good thing about them is that they fold down. You can keep them up for the most “coverage” or fold it down. I liked that.
Ya know, if there was one thing I wish I could change about myself, it wouldn’t be “get rid of my saddle bag” or my “double hip lumps” (one from the actual hips, another from whatever that thigh area is in between), or “grow giant DD-cups,” it would be my damn CONFIDENCE.
Because, yeah, unless you’re nineteen flippin years old, you’re gonna have stuff about your body you wish you could hide. And, just like I NEVER notice whatever the hell those areas are on anyone else’s body, you better believe I notice it on mine.
SO — this summer, I plan to be proud of a small waist, and proud of what’s still perky up top, and proud of bein a chick who looks like a chick, even if I end up with lumps that look like bags of potatoes on either side of me when I SIT DOWN at the damn pool.
Because CONFIDENCE is a zillion times…MILFIER (new word) than non-jiggly thighs.
Meaning: yes to bikini, even if those side ties have to be let ALLLLLLL the way out.
I put that Jcrew swimsuit in my “cart” yesterday, no shit. Saw your post today. Bought that $82 mofo. Got the red, hope it is not a pale blondie mistake.
Your encouraging words remind me of something my mom said last time I saw her. We were looking at old photos and she said, “I WASTED my skinny years covering myself up in baggy 90s clothes. What a waste.” So, yeah. Even if we mommas don’t think we are the hot stuff, these ARE the skinny years, and we should absolutely enjoy our bodies. Plus. I do not want my baby girl to learn my cover-it-up-from-shame attitude.
Laura, I have the red. I’m a pale blondie and it looks awesome on my skin tone. It’s sort of orangey and really warms up my skin. Enjoy!
Oooh, good to hear – I was considering red, but feared it would be too orangey (less ideal for my color). So, now i know! Thanks, Blondies.
This could not have come at a more perfect time (I bet I sound like an asshole because everyone’s like duh it’s summer” but I have a beach vacation planned this summer. I’m about two weeks behind you – and I’m freaking out because the swimming suits that are out there are ridiculous. I’m trying your suggestions. First stop JCrew and then maybe even a bikini to act like I’m so cool that I don’t give a shit. I’ll try to take a pic but I’m not as brave to my internet friends as you..
I love you for this post because I agree wholeheartedly. I refused the mommy tankinis and skirty bottoms with my first child and I refused them with my second child, even though I had a lot more chunketh in the trunketh. I felt like if I wore that, my transformation into my mom would be official, complete with the giant sunshade visor hat (she’s Fiipino, she can’t help it) and I’m sure those will all look awesome to me in my 50s but for now, I’m 35..I’ve got time for all that later. In addition to that, I’m short… like Snooki short .. 4’8 – I need to show a ton of leg (so no skirts or flowey tankinis) and a lot of cleave (because I have a nice rack) so thank you for all the links and options, it saved me so much time hunting them down myself.
On another note to all the women, have you ever seen the dads at the pool? They don’t have perfect bodies either and they can’t even blame having kids for their bodies melting like we can and yet, there they are, shirt off, soft belly a’ showin’ and no one looks twice. I don’t know if I should blame the meida, t.v. or other women for the pressure we put on ourselves to look like these the chicks in magazines while we’re at the beach or the pool, and if we don’t, we’re supposed to just crawl into a lycra poncho and die. Refuse to give any f*@ks this summer and wear your bathing suit with confidence! *raises fist up*
I have the old navy deep v one piece in “radio red.” My boobs look fantastic. I just wish it was thicker over the boobs. Everyone sees the headlights all the time. But I just go with it. If you’re looking there, then you must like it. You’re welcome.
Big life things happening in the next two weeks, so don’t know when I’ll be wearing a swimsuit. But if I find myself at a pool, lake, ocean, stream, running through a sprinkler, maybe I’ll snap a picture for you.
J. Crew deep v, not Old Navy. You’ve put Old Navy on the brain!
Have you tried these? I discovered them when I needed cups for a formal gown. They have adhesive so they stay put in the suit.
http://www.pkfashions.com/site/bikini_buddies_triangle_plus.php
I love hot one pieces and a little bit of a retro look, i.e. J. Crew and Jantzen, but not Modcloth. Alas, I have a freakishly long torso and they either ride up my butt and hu-hah or fail to make it over my boobs. J. Crew does carry one or two suits in long torso each year. The deep v-neck was one, which is why I bought it. But come on, J. Crew has like fifty one pieces, why do they only give me two choices every year. It majorly bums me out. They would have so many thousands of dollars more of my money if they offered them all in long-torso. Paisley, seersucker, assymmetrical, all the swim suits, all for me!
Whelp. That settles it. I’m slutting it up at the community pool this weekend. I’ll send a picture!
Did you get stretch marks with G? Because if you did and you’re still rocking the sexy tummy-baring tankinis I give you mad props; however, I will NOT show those bad boys in public. My son will be six months old in a week and I’m so happy with my weight and body, but whenever someone says, “Oh stretch marks, they’re just the trophies of motherhood!” it fills me with NeNe-like rage. They are not attractive and I refuse to let anyone see them in public. However, I 100% agree with you about wearing a sexy one-piece/tank top over a bikini/flaunting what you’ve got.
ok hate me, I know but I don’t have stretch marks. Do you know why? Because my skin was loose enough already. Seriously. I have never had like a “tight stomach”ever. But I heeear that a really good dark spray tan at least helps with stretch marks. Trust, I am relying on a tan to cover up some mahj cellulite
So I’m comfortable with my rockin’ rolls and huge milk bags, but what about my stretch marks? My awful, awful stretch marks. My belly, inner thighs and boobs are covered in them
Thanks a lot DS, if you weren’t so cute I’d neglect you while playing farmville.
Now I’m all stressed that I’m wearing a swim dress… but I don’t think I am. Take a look, I need someone to be honest, something by bitch friends won’t do. Kthanks. http://www.popinaswimwear.com/jantzen-sheer-vamp-maillot-one-piece-bathing-suit-black-swimwear-c-61-p-1-pr-291.html
Also, MODG: thank you so much for this post. I seriously needed this. I’m almost four years out from my last baby, and I still think I look like yesterdays dog shit. However, after this post I’m thinking that I need to suck it up and wear a bikini at the beach this summer. I can’t believe I just put that in writing. No, I don’t think I can do it.
Not a swimdress. I think it’s retro cute. Very different.
Yes you can do it. Rock a bikini BUT BE CONFIDENT.
I BOUGHT A TWO PIECE YESTERDAY! I ordered it on jcrew, we’ll see how it looks when it gets here in a few days. Seriously, thank you. I went to the pool yesterday and was judging all the moms wearing swim dresses and thinking, I look so much better than that, why do I insist on being so self conscious and covering every imperfection… as if you can’t see them anyway, a swimsuit is freaking spandex! Also, what kind of an example is that to my daughters? To teach them that mommy doesn’t want other people to think she doesn’t look good so she wears stuff that she thinks makes her look not-too-bad. NOPE! Not doing it anymore. Come on UPS, bring that shit, I’m ready for it! Also, good luck getting your girl baby today
My stretch marks make me look like my stomach was caught on fire. Not a good look.
Hmmm, you’re making me re-think my swimwear options! Living in Hawaii, swimwear choices are a part of daily life. However, now pregnant with twins, I’m Really looking forward to preggo options. So, please, post soon!!! Mahalo!
I’m an “all the time fatty” shopping only in the plus size sections. Most of the swimwear for plus size gals are….well, matronly. I tried a very plain, blah, black swim dress that I thought “Maybe this will look better ON.” Yeah, it didn’t. My massive boobs pour out of anything that might bring out that young and sexy feeling I might be able to get….in a totally UN-sexy way. I did buy a tankini…top has ruching and a bright, cheerful design, bottoms are solid color and hold in my belly bulge as much as possible.
I am all for looking as hot and age appropriate as possible…I just need that magical plus size bathing suit that isn’t a million dollars but makes me look smokin’ hot. And a tan.
This sounds like mean girls shit but…I AM SO GLAD “SKINNTEEE” GIRLS HAVE PROBS FINDING BATHING SUITS TOO”..misery loves company
I swear, if I see one more frumpy ass swim dress in Avenue/Lane Bryant/Fat Broad Shop Du Jour I’m gonna shoot a puppy.
But sadly, those things are the only things that I feel “comfortable” in at the moment because of my cheese hips. It may not sound like it, but I’m glad you yelled at me – It’s building my confidence – I’m serious, THANKS MODG.
This post actually made me sick to my stomach a little. I’m supposed to go to the beach next week (with YOU!!) and I’m pretty sure all the bathing suits I have are what you consider to be no-no’s. They are all tankini’s with skirt bottoms. I have MAJOR issues with my thighs. I won’t even wear shorts. And I’m pretty positive that anyone who sees my thighs in any one of those beautiful “in-an-ideal-world” suits you posted would be like “Ummm, she should really cover that up.” So in my opinion, those bathing suits are just not realistic. None of them have any coverage for jiggly, fat thighs. So I basically have no choice but to wear a “grandma” suit as you call it. Now I don’t even want to go to the beach anymore.
ok readers, this girl needs a confidence boost. I know her personally and I promise if any real life fatties saw her you would punch her. She is hot. Help her out.
Hey Rae Rae,
You know what’s worse than wearing a frumpy bathing suit? Going to the beach and having a shitty time because you aren’t comfortable and feel really self-conscious and apologetic for just being the way you are. One week is not a lot of time to get over that stuff so don’t feel bad for wearing something that doesn’t freak you out to the beach with MODG.
That being said, I am a big thigh girl too. I wear a size 12 normally and sometimes I get sized out of 12 bottoms because of my thighs! I know there are bigger sizes but being size 12 is tough for me because I used to be a 4 pre-kids. A 4! And I thought my thighs were fat then, ha ha HA. Anyway, I too have explored the tankini + skirt, tankini + shorts, blah blah blah. When I am totally objective and looking in the mirror, my thighs do NOT look better in those. They actually look better in a HIGHER cut leg. So I would encourage you to go try on some suits (maybe even ones that don’t appeal to you on the hanger) and really take a good look at your body and what flatters it. You might be surprised. And a pretty pareo or semi-sheer cover-up can be a confidence-booster too, so you have an option if the feelings of self-consciousness are too much for you once you get to the beach. Good luck!
Girlfriend, don’t be so hard on yourself! Like MODG said, even Charlotte from SATC said she didn’t like her thighs…and that is just crazy. Accentuate what you love most (it could be your boobs, it could be your fave beach hat) and let that be the base for the rest of the outfit. A “grandma” suit is not your friend… you have to trust me when I tell you that you are beautiful and when you believe that, you walk with confidence and that will make all the difference. You. Are. Beautiful!
what up MODG — this is my first time commenting, though i’ve been reading since BA from heir to blair posted a link to your blog a few months ago! super creeper detail: i used to live in pottstown, PA, so we’re like used-to-be-neighbors.
anyways, this post was awesome, but i was wondering (since you have milk boobs) do you know anywhere that sells hot(ish) bathing suits for ladies with tig old bitties? i don’t have kids & i’m only 23, but i’m rocking the g-units, as in a G cup. seriously. it’s not glamorous. i’m not by any means petite on the bottom, but definitely smaller than my top & it’s so freaking frustrating trying to find something that will 1) fit my boobs 2) support my boobs & 3) not make me look matronly.
maybe your readers could point me in the right direction? it’s a serious prob — last summer i bought a freaking maternity tankini that made me look all kind of horrible & made me feel even worse, but it was the only thing that FIT!
helllllppppp!
xox,
the new 50 cent
(aka jess, G-unit)
Right off the top of my head, Tara Grinna and Aerin Rose. I know for sure that Aerin Rose carries bikini tops for the G-units-; and word to MODG, they have maternity…
I have that ON suit in black and loooooooooove it. With a big floppy hat and sunglasses I feel like a rich sexy widow who should be drinking champagne with a cabana boy instead of eight months postpartum mom sniffing the baby to check if he shit in his swim diaper. I highly recommend it… Super sucks in the belly and has good boob support, plus the tie comes off for tanning/nursing. You can pull it up to have more ruching around the waist or pull it down like a dress.
Hey, great post! I totally agree, I was at the beach today checking out all the ladies, and the consensus is flaunt what you’ve got, ignore the rest, don’t try to hide it.
BUT for real why I’m commenting is just to let you know I’m ganking (I’m bringing that verb back!) the 2 photos of you, putting them on my own site (pretending it’s pics of me… Obvi.) But saying it’s pics of my water birth.
I need to make friends with some dirty hippies, and I think they’ll be impressed with “my” use of the raft while pulling a fully clothed baby from my loins… and then we lounged on the boat.
BAH it totally does look like I’m pulling a fully swimwear ready baby out of my vag.
*SIGH* Even though you hurt my feelings when you never responded to my adoration-filled email and I swore I’d never comment again, I have to chime in on the swimsuit convo…
We just got back from a 10-day Hawaiian vacation and I took your advice on traveling with a toddler and made it without a single meltdown (thank you for that.) However, it was absolute HELL trying to find a swimsuit – and I’m 110 lbs at my last dr appt, so I’m a definite Skinnie Minnie. However, after having my MiniMe, my stomach just isn’t shaped right anymore and I wasn’t feeling bikinis like I used to. I actually went searching through your posts to find the navy JCrew ruched suit you have so I could buy it and own my first one-piece ever. For good measure, I also bought the tulle bikinis just because they came in a D cup. These ones – http://bit.ly/L275aq
BTW, having giant boobs and no ass isn’t as cute as it sounds and I completely lost my cute ass with my pregnancy.
Unfortunately, I had to return every single one because none of them looked right on me. BUT, you were on to something with the ruching and I did find one that was glamorous and shaped my torso and made me feel like a snychronized swimmer. It truly is a Miraclesuit! http://bit.ly/LnMD8B
Then I was like, F it. Even though my torso is shaped funny, I’m still skinny and I have giant tits. So I went looking for bikinis and got three super cute ones at Target. They have a crazy selection and I bought the ones I loved and wore them with my head high. Also with my giant floppy hat and my badass shades and you couldn’t tell me a damn thing because my baby had a kickass straw cowboy hat and she looked adorable! We ROCKED it in Hawaii.
Not only that, but there were several pregnant women at the pool and they ALL wore bikinis, showing their baby bumps to the world and they looked fabulous. I totally stared at the mom in the white bikini because she looked FLAWLESS.
It’s really the age-old design myth: Loose clothes don’t make you look skinnier and they don’t really hide anything. Clothes that fit will always be more flattering, no matter your size and the same goes for swimsuits. Even the 250 pounders looked better wearing a regular one piece than the ones wearing the swim dresses, cellulite or not.
You’re onto something, chick.
Now will you PLEASE point me in a good direction for when I move to your backyard (practically?) I’ve lived in TX for 20 years and I’m not looking forward to moving to PA because I know nothing about nothing and I REALLY hate the idea of starting from scratch with the mom groups and where to take my kid to have fun and all that shit.
Ebay comes through again!!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/New-Pink-White-Pin-Up-Style-Swimsuit-Size-Med-/170865523435?pt=US_CSA_WC_Swimwear&hash=item27c860faeb
A reader actually bought me the suit already!
Ugh, your blog ate my comment, and it was long and a good one too, so now I’m just summing up….
-I emailed you and you didn’t respond and it hurt my feelings but I had to chime in on the swimsuit convo.
-I’m 110 lbs skinny but my stomach isn’t shaped right anymore so I bought your navy JCrew ruched suit, plus the tulle bikinis http://bit.ly/L275aq None looked right, but you were on to something with the ruching.
-I found this one that made me look amazing! http://bit.ly/LnMD8B
-I also said F it and bought some super cute bikinis from Target because who cares how my stomach looks, I have giant milkboobs.
-With my giant floppy hat and badass shades, PLUS an adorable baby with her own straw cowboy hat and movie star shades, we ROCKED it in Hawaii on our 10-day vacation.
-There were several pregs at the pool, all in bikinis, all looked flawless. Show your belly and be proud of it always.
PS, thanks for the toddler travel tips and advice. We made to Hawaii and back with not one meltdown.
PPS, I’m moving to your backyard (practically) and have lived in TX for 20 years and I’m not looking forward to starting from scratch with the mom groups and figuring out where to take my kid to play. PRETTY PLEASE, point me in a stylish, hippie, non-asshole mom direction!
You are the best! I am actually laughing as I read your blog & I sooo don’t feel like laughing – planning a beach day with tons of non-pregnant friends. I am 7 and 1/2 months pregnant – super timing, huh? love swimming, hate my fat pregnant ass in a swimsuit this year. I decided to say f* it & go bikini. Screw the cover up. If fat old men can walk around with hairy beer bellies, I can show my beach ball belly & not sweat because of extra material touching me. Can you hear the grumpiness? I woke up this way – lovely. In any case, I will be referring back to this blog while I am on the beach today – just for a pick-me-up as needed
This might be my favorite post of yours. I’m not pregnant and not overweight by any medical definition, but I’m self aware enough to know that I don’t look like Gisele in a bikini. My stomach is more soft than flat and I’ve had a huge ass basically since birth. At about 13 I started wearing shorts over any suit…always a one piece or tankini. I’ve been majorly cutting calories lately and my reward to myself about 15 pounds from now was going to be a bikini. After reading this, maybe I’ll just buy one anyway and try to showcase my boobs or something.
I have the fricken’ skirted bottom and look even more huge in it- you’re right, Amanda! I just ordered the JCrew suit (and may try the LaBlanca too) and I am going to try to rock the shit out of it- love you MODG!
OK, you are the queen of all bathing suits. I love all of these. I have a 9-month-old and am trying to decide on something that will make me look sufficiently MILF-y without horrifying all of the Roman Catholics at the New England beach I will be frequenting while on vacation.
Also, when I was like 6,000 months pregnant last summer I decided to say eff it and rock a bikini from ON. Only for some reason (I’m blaming hormones), I selected a red and white striped one with a bandeau top and blue ties. I hoped it would be whimsically nautical, but I looked like I was posing for the 4th of July issue of some horrible fetish magazine. I would send a photo for you to use as a DON’T, but you might go blind.
Hey MODG!
Thanks for the encouragement. I recently had to buy a swimsuit for our vacation at 3 mo. post partum. SOOOO many suits were just terrible for the milk boobs. I have definitely expanded during pregnancy in the hip/thigh area and did choose to go with a tightly skirted bottom. I just felt more comfortable and confident. I think my top matches your rules though. It’s very supportive of the girls and has ruching (sp?) with a flourish of ruffle down the middle. The matching bottoms are tight, ruffly skirt bottoms. I felt great in this suit and I didn’t think I looked like a grandma. I sat down and everything without a second thought. What do you think? I’m 24 so I’d like to get back into a bikini but I wasn’t ready to for this vaca. I’m going to try to email you a pic.
Ok, here’s my attempt to link to the pic: http://thegerbersandco.wordpress.com/?attachment_id=1004
So for a woman who is 5’3″ tall and wears and extra large you’d be recommending these styles?
Ummm…I DON’T THINK SO. Sheesh. I’d LOVE to be a medium, and if I was, I’d wear those swim suit styles with pride. But I’m not. So please appreciate that I spare you the show.
I’m not going to say who but I have a friend who is your height and size and rocks a one piece like no one’s business. It’s alllll about being happy with yourself.
I’m with you. I’m a size 18 and 50 lbs overweight, and it’s very unattractive and giggly. (which has all happened after becoming a mom) So as much as I DREAD getting into a swimsuit, I have a 5 year old who I don’t want to miss out on water activities because of my insecurities. So wearing one of your “don’t ” swimsuit is the only way I don’t feel 100% disgusting….so I can have fun with my kid w/o worrying whats showing.
your suggestion of the tank top over the bikini almost made my head explode.. best idea ever. I have a post twin pregnancy tummy.. you can’t even imagine.. so not cute– but thankfully my daughters are so i guess its kind of a wash. (right?)
I have so many bikinis from my pre-mommy days that are still cute and now I can rock them. you are a smart cookie.. and I’m keeping everything crossed for yoshi to be a she-yosh.
She-yosh!!
I can’t believe no one has mentioned my all time favorite store for swimsuits…Athleta! They are owned by GAP. They only have a few stores but they have the free shipping over $50 thing at all times. Anyway, my boobs were out of control before I had a kid and it was always something to deal with at the pool, but now, chasing a 2 year old all over the place does not allow for Victorias Secret ANYTHING in fear that a nip slip is inevitable. I agree with MODG, when self conscious, go sporty. I bought 2 suits from here and they were both incredibly comfortable. I have 34 DD’s and both suits held them in great but my favorite is actually under their triathlon section. It’s a racer back tankini so my back is getting way more support but the torso of the suit is tight and keeps me sucked in. The bottoms are reversible and make me feel like I could be a surfer girl in another life. They also sell matching rash guards for us light skinned people! LOVE them. Now if only they would lower their damn prices or send me some coupons.
I agree that tankinis to cover fat usually equal fail, but…there are a lot of moms at my pool with perfect bodies who look great in tankinis. I feel like they’d look slutty or like they are trying to hard in a bikini. I think in this way tankinis can be harder to pull off than bikinis, but can be done.
Just FYI, I just found out about sporty girly suits from a mom at a water park. She looked awesome, so I had to have one. Check out Athleta, they have amazing suits!
The tank over bikini idea is really growing on me. I noticed that Lands’ End (I KNOW) is trying out this idea with their Swimmates line. It skews a LITTLE frumpy (they offer swim skirts and shorts as “3rd layer” options), but the basic idea is a bra-sized bikini with an unlined swim cami that you can put on over (or not), all mixy-matchy colors and prints. Their camis look a little oversized but maybe if you sized down it wouldn’t be frumptastic. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d order one to find out. I like the idea of being able to swim in the tank, but that the tank wasn’t the main top/support for the suit. Although I actually have a tankini and I hate it for swimming because it puffs up with air and makes me look like a buoy when I get in the water, and then makes farting noises when I try to push the air out.
ok, ok, I know this is Landsend but I bought this top this year (http://www.landsend.com/pp/womens-beach-living-halter-tunic-swimsuit-top~231592_59.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::GD3&CM_MERCH=IDX_women-_-swimsuits-_-shop-by-silhouette-_-tankini-tunic-tops-_-tunic-tops&origin=index) and love, love, LOVE it! I think it would totally work for a preggo momma as well. Well, it would for me, at least. I bought a size 6 but since I have barely B boobs I could easily wear the 4, however, the 6 leaves plenty of room for a baby bump. Now were I do in July/Aug and had a huge belly, well probably not so much.
YES! Totally agree. Women are too concerned with what we look like in our swim suits and what flab is poking out where. If we could all be more comfortable in our own skin we’d start a sexy revolution. Look at what the guys wear!! No tankinis for them. It’s shorts or nothin’.
I was a D cup prior to getting pregnant, now I’m a DD even after being done nursing, so for me, it’s hard to find a suit that will contain those suckers without giving a show. I bought a bikini off of Athleta.com and it works wonders! They’ve got some crazy tankinis, but the bra-sized bikini tops can be awesome. No more popping out!
This is what it’s all about: http://www.curvygirlguide.com/self-body/national-swim-suit-confidence-week-2012/
And amen for another bathing suit post. I consider myself normal sized (5’6″ and wear a 6-8 but soft in all the awesome places) but bathing suit shopping is tough, man! Remember 2 Live Crew demanded that we “Shake what ya mama gave ya.” Yeah, I went there.
My ridiculous amount of laziness (I wish I can blame it on the toddler) is forcing me to wear my pre-baby bikini until I find myself a new swimsuit… thankfully my body shape hasn’t changed much, but it seems that my boobs did move around a bit and my kiddo’s baby friend kept threatening to expose me to the rest of the pool crowd. I have trouble finding one-piece swimsuits since I’m thinner with a really long torso and narrow hips, but that J Crew suit looks really cute so maybe I should break out the measuring tape…
I’m glad you got the red swimsuit. I knew one of your fans would come through for you!
I am what you would call “skinny fat”- 5’3, relatively petite, but in no way toned in the ab/butt area. Also I have not had a child so I have no excuse. Usually I can just kind of hide it in regular clothes and wear a belt at the waist and people are like “omg! you’re so skinny I hate you” not knowing what is lurking below the waistline. I bought the red bathing suit just thinking I had finally found a cute one piece, not even realizing that it is the Spanx of bathing suits. I should have known that the only bathing suit that Old Navy carried that was over $14 was different for a reason… I love how it looks, and I appreciate that you could like throw a skirt or shirts on and pretend it’s basically a top… however I tried this on Monday and I would not recommend wearing this suit ALL DAY LONG. I was taking inspiration from In Style how they’re all like “Take Your Suit from Day to Night with these accessories!!!!” and I spent the entire day working around Newport and by hour four I was like “MY BATHING SUIT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!” Seriously, that shit is TIGHT.
Long story short, it’s totally cute and it does the work of holding all your fat in. But it may kill you. But it’s worth it.
~L
So as a mom of 18 month twins, who was chubby pre-preg and slightly less so now, and who just took her first sans-baby girls weekend trip with super fit non-moms to Vegas, I was super obsessed w/ finding some hot one-pieces for my big ass. I LOVE this one from Target: http://www.target.com/p/juniors-1-piece-racer-back-swimsuit-assorted-colors/-/A-13946821, and this one from Gap: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=29716&vid=1&pid=736583&scid=736583022, as I already have a retro-y one that’s v. similar to the ON one you’ve been stalking. Good luck!
This post could not be more perfectly timed, since I just spent two solid hours trying on bathing suits and hating on my mommy body. I went into the mall with the notion that I needed a one piece AND a cover to avoid embarrassment, but thanks to the help of my patient and loving hubby, I walked out with a sexy two piece. I don’t feel completely glamorous and beautiful, but I also dont feel like an old, fat, tired mom either. This post reassures me that I spent well…I am ready to rock my two piece on vacation next week!
This is on its way to me (in two diff sizes/colors, just to be sure). Hooray!
http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Swimwear/Swimsuits/WS030-BRN/Womens-Brown-Multi-Spot-Bandeau-Swimsuit.html?NavGroupID=17
Also, NO to tankinis. I feel like they are designed just so that the extra mom-pudge above the bikini bottoms pops out where the tankini ends, essentially drawing MORE attention to that spot. Gross. Unless maybe you’re tall and have some sort of crazy long torso or something, in which case, you probably had somewhere for your baby to grow other than straight out in front of you, leaving you with less of an insanely stretched out abdomen. And you have more than just pudge showing between the top and bottom of a tankini.
Lastly, I can’t even believe that there has to exist a blog post saying “swimdresses are gross” – that saddens me. I just sort of also assumed that anyone who would buy/wear a swimdress has not quite gotten the hang of the internet.
Just wanted to share, I am a D-cup with a long torso and legs like a clydesdale, so finding a suit is always suuuper fun. Victoria’s Secret has fantastic suits, by cup size, and you can mix and match with the bottoms. So. Helpful. Also, they have the clip closure in the backs of the bikinis, which rocks. My only complaint about J. Crew suits is you tie the back and then anytime you’re sitting, that knot or bow is digging into your spine. Not cool.
I totally agree- but I have to add….the jcrew swimsuits, I ordered a bunch this year 9 months postpartum, and there is NO LINING in the boob area! This is a total no no in my book because a, I need some extra support for my post nursing saggy boob issue, and b, hello nip out central. So umm, no. To all of them. How do you manage?
http://www.swimspot.com/Athena-Moorea-Bandini-Top-and-Retro-Bikini-Bottom-2317.aspx
Hmm I was thinking of getting this suit, maybe with a black bottom. What do you think? I know blousy is bad in tankinis, but maybe this is ok because it’s strapless?
I can tone up my love handles to an acceptable size before going to the beack next month (I probably won’t, but I could), but I was thinking the blousy top might balance out my big thighs. smart or delusional?
I think it’s fairly adorable, but wish it were a one piece like that, with the blousy top and normal bottom. Wonder if it gets all weird and clingy when wet though, y’know?
Nine months preg at this very moment and proudly wore a bikini to the pool twice this past week. Then again, I do have to say I look pretty fucking fantastic, crooked linea negra be damned! I’m going again Wednesday and will send you a picture!
*slow clap*
I bit the bullet and am wearing a full-on bikini for the first time in years. And I have 4 kids ages 7 and under. And cellulite on my thighs.
I started out wearing it in my backyard to get more comfortable (husband thinks I’m insane), but finally graduated to the neighborhood pool. And now I just bought 5 more bikinis because I’m so happy to have finally overcome my bikini-phobia! Break em out ladies, and banish the swim skirt.
I’m 6 1/2 months preggo and still wearing a bikini. I’m not saying it’s the most attractive thing in the world, but I AM saying that I really don’t care. Motto for the summer: “Eff the po-lice, Rock the two-piece.”
It makes no sense, but I swear that I look better in a bikini than in a one piece. I am the first to admit that my body is far from perfect, but for some reason, I am more comfortable just showing my body as it is than having it look weird and lumpy under a bathingsuit. I remember back in the day Tyra Banks said she was more secure with her body when she was naked than when she was in clothes… and I totally get that. I have an easier time accepting that my body is not perfect than accepting that a one piece is making a weird fat roll on my back.
Also, everyone who knows me in my clothes can see that I am not super skinny, so I don’t feel like wearing any bathingsuit is “letting the cat out of the bag.” Now, I am six months pregnant (for the first time), and still wear a bikini. First, it’s just way more comfortable, and secondly, nothing makes me feel better about my bump (or any fat on my body) than having a little tan on it. Also, if I have any stretchmarks so far, the tan is keeping me from being able to see them.
I’m usually too busy chasing the kids around to pay much attention to other women’s cellulite issues. And swimdresses look like they’d have a lot of extra drag if I had to dive in to save my child from drowning…. be practical, wear a bikini
Agreeing with Lauren above–I have never been so comfortable with my body as when I went to a nudist beach. I went with my husband earlier this year, and I felt so, so, so much better about my body than when I am in a swimsuit at a pool or a beach. No one was even making an *attempt* to look good, because basically, when you’re nude, there’s no point. Almost nobody looks good naked anyway. So there is something to trying to cover up the chub and make it look like something it’s not. Now I’m not saying I’m ready for a bikini, because I have plenty to cover up–I’m almost 45 years old, have three children, and wear a size 12. Plus the 10-pound child I held in my 5’2″ body left me with a roadmap of stretch marks, a pile of extra skin and a flopsy belly–I’m more of a one-piece type person, and I wear this one: http://www.landsend.com/pp/womens-grecian-one-piece-slender-suit~180862_593.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::GC2&CM_MERCH=IDX_women-_-swimsuits-_-shop-by-silhouette-_-one-piece-swimsuits&origin=index
So I’m really not about to put on a bikini. But just saying, there’s something to giving up. I felt better nude than I do in a suit.
All I can say is … PINK OR BLUE?! Out with it A, the suspense is cruel! I fully anticipated a post yesterday. And it’s today. And still.no.update.
Oh. And, this weekend I had my first swim-wear crisis of the season (aka: I was all “I’m doing the bikini, eff it” and then I put it on and was like, “OMFG nooooo, what am I going to wear now?!”) when my husband suggested I throw a fitted white under-tank over it. I’m not even making this up. My husband has fashion super powers that sometimes frighten me. But he was (and you are) totally right – it gives off the “I don’t give an eff and therefore I look super fly in this” vibe.
Okay, now back to business – I want to hear about your rendezvous with Yoshiiiii! (Emphasis on SHE?)
Ahh thank you! A girl I know just got a swim dress and at 28 years old I think we’re about 40 years too young for that shit. I just got my first bikini since middle school and may actually wear it outside now. I figure I may not look good, but I’ll keep my 9 month old with me and people will be like….damn looking good for just having a baby (let’s not debate the ‘just’ part of that sentence, I’ll take a looking good however I can get it). I’ll take and send a picture….in my unholy whiteness and all.
I can’t wait to hear about Yoshi! And thank you for being honest about that too. Clearly everyone wants healthy, duh, but everyone secretly yearns after a boy or girl.
Thank you for saying this aloud. I went sporty with a Nike swimsuit. I may not look great – but I’ve looked at too many pics of me in my 20s and thought, why the hell did I think I looked so bad, I should have been flaunting that!! I may not look like I did then, but I don’t want to be in my 50s, looking at pics from my 30s and having those same thoughts. I assume I at least look better than I think and I’ll wear the granny suits when I actually am one.
I gave up on the tankini a couple of years ago when I was looking through some pictures of myself at the beach that were clearly not approved but somehow made it through the screening process and I looked like an old woman. And I was like 28 years old. With a terrible haircut. In a sloppy tankini with a skirt that hit me at the widest part of my hips. In the background of these pictures was a beach full of older-than-me, normal-sized women who were rocking bikinis. I wised up, hit the gym at a moderate pace, and now troll the bikini aisles with the juniors and only wear them despite my mom bod. And I feel great, and walk to the snack bar at the pool without covering up. People probably talk, but who cares? It’s too hot for turtlenecks.
MODG! Yes! also you forgot to add that we will NEVER look back & think OMG I looked so fat & gross when I was 20 or 30 something. That will not happen. In fact in the history of the world, it has probably happened like 3 times ever….. to people who lost like 900 lbs each. When you are older & gravity has laughed in your face by sagging your face and everything else, you will look back & think DAMN I looked amazing!! why did I cover it all up? I should have been walking around naked for jeebus sake!!
Next important item… you have broken the internet. Specifically those J.Crew bottoms are no longer really available. Estimated shipping date=August. Which is not helpful as I need to get in the pool now.
My baby boy Eli is 5 months old. I totally just went out and bought the Old Navy suit. You have to listen to the brazilians they are damn hot!
I know I am late to the party on this, but the Columbian brand Estivo is AMAZING.
I found and purchased one of these suits from a boutique for twice the price.
These are two links to SALE bathing suits on kikisoleil.com. I ended up ordering a second in a smaller
size for when I need it.
I think the wide white straps help detract from my wide white ass.
http://www.kikisoleil.com/namawiwhpodo.html
http://www.kikisoleil.com/blmawithwhst.html
Maybe it doesn’t count as confidence if I’m wearing a wife-beater “cover up”, but I totally posted this photo because I’m proud of my thighs. What can I say, my baby thinks it’s funny to watch me do squats.
http://www.thekriegers.org/post/25504794408/ten-months
(you have to scroll a little, sixth photo down.)
I just read the post a little closer and I don’t know how I missed this, but I’M TOTALLY DOING THE “sporty I don’t care” thing!
If you need a photo, you can use mine
I am non-pregnant, fatty, upper limit of JCrew size and I ROCK their tankinis. My skinny friends are like jealous I am so “blah” this is way more comfy and fun than my old old lady Land’s End tankini with burqa skirt.
For those who do like a more classically retro style, try an Esther Williams (of MGM swimming musicals fame) suit. Ruching, halter top, choice of like 20 fabrics, supportive cups. I loved it even before the bambino came along. She also does a bikini style.
http://www.esther-williams.com/swimwear/1-pc-classic-sheath/
Thanks for the hilarious commentary! Embarrassed to say I own a Jacklyn Smith swim dress (I’m only 33, so I’m sure I’m breaking some type of law by buying that brand in the first place, right?). I bought it out of sheer desperation a year ago (gag). Don’t worry I don’t wear it in public though, I save my board shorts & zebra halter tankini top for those occassions (gag again). So, question… I’m going to Hawaii for the first time in the early spring & wanna rock a totally cute swimsuit (jelly rolls & all baby!) I’m tempted to buy one of the ones you suggested now, cuz I’m worried I won’t find anything next Feb/Mar… when do companies usually come out with their new swimsuit lines? Pickings are slim right now, so I’m not sure if I should just take what I can get now, or if I’ll have time to order some ~new hotness swim fashions~ early next year?
I am just going to throw it out there that nursing in a bikini is way more ‘modest’ than nursing in a one-piece. You flip up the bottom a bit, toss a little burprag over baby’s head to block the sun and no one even knows. I started out in a one piece this summer ~2mo after baby and had to half disrobe to nurse the poor guy. Bikini I could walk and talk and still look good.
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