If you are pregnant: LISTEN UP. I’m about to tell you some important words.
I didn’t do it during my first pregnancy but this time I knew I KNEW that it was non negotiable. We scraped together every last dollar and agreed on no birthday or Christmas presents for like the next 12 years and went on
A BABYMOON.
Before you slaughter my face for using that term, deal with it. It’s the easiest way to say -vacationforwhichonefindsjoyandrelaxationinadestinationbeforetheshithitsthefan- i.e. babymoon. I don’t want to hear it.
Dudes, it’s a MUST do. I don’t care if you get in the car and drive to your local hourly motel next to the check cashing place. JUST GO.
It all started with me watching an obscene amount of Bethenny reality shows. And it seemed like every damn one of them she’s at a beach. B and I hadn’t had a beach vacation since our honeymoon and we hadn’t been away from G since never. I knew we were on the clock. I could only really fly up to a certain point and once YoSHE arrived, it was all over. My life that is.
So MUCH to my surprise, B agreed. See, B is the type of person whose hypothetical personals ad would read “turn ons: excessive generic brand purchases and 401k’s.” So for him to agree to sort of a frivolous trip was like, as exciting and rare as an alien sighting. Twice.
And you better believe I planned that shit right quick. I think everyone kind of knew that I needed it. I think they had secret meetings about it. They probably met in that tunnel by the factory that the pregs met at. They said things like “seriously, Amanda is losing her mind. I can’t hear about Baby Signing Time one more damn minute”. I say this because everyone was so agreeable to help. B’s mom flew out just to watch G, with no help, for like 5 days. Which my friends, is a damn olympic feat in itself.
We planned a trip to Miami because it was close enough to solid medical care if needed, the flight was relatively cheap and it was the off season. YES Miami in July. Pregnant. I know.
B was way nervous about douchebags and I was as nervous about the heat. We both survived. What I wasn’t sure about was if I could survive leaving G. I cried when I just thought about leaving him. I didn’t know how I’d do it.
But I did it. And I didn’t cry. But the first 2 days I was like, Oh the ocean, G would love the ocean. Oh a tile floor, G would love a tile floor. Oh crackers, G would love crackers. After B smacked my brain, it all magically went away. And I was *gasp* relaxed.
See, here’s the thing with a vacation when you’re life is chasing a toddler 24 hours a day: Your expectations are very low. Like, if you spend 3 hours watching Kardashian reruns in your hotel, you feel successful because ALL of the things in the world that are non baby are special and a bonus. You don’t feel like you’re “wasting your vacation” because seriously, peeing alone is a vacation.
We ate our faces off, we laid on the beach, we walked in shops and yes we watched TV. And it was glorious GLORIOUS and the best money ever spent. But because our standards were so low and just time to ourselves was amazing, we really could have gone anywhere. And that my friends, is why you HAVE to do this. In case you still aren’t sure, here are some things I did that I normally can not do:
1 Dry my hair. With a hair dryer and ROUND BRUSH. So it’s like, nice.
2 Eat candy out in the open. Like not crouching behind the kitchen island out of baby sight.
3 Watch tv during toddler awake hours. Like Ellen and Undercover Boss and WHATEVER I WANTED WITH CURSES AND NUDITY.
4 Put on eyeliner without worrying that anyone would imitate me and poke our their eye necessitating a hospital trip
5 Use a purse. A REAL PURSE THAT ISN’T A DIAPER BAG.
6 Eat a dinner without sharing my fork, picking up thrown chicken, begging anyone to take another bite or hoping no one screams at anyone.
7 Eat dinner AFTER 6pm
8 Go to bed AFTER 11pm
9 Wake up AFTER 9am
10 Wear jewelry without fear of tearing flesh from my ears or a spray of beads from a ripped necklace
11 Refer to myself as me and I instead of mommy for a whole FIVE DAYS.
I mean really people, can you ask for anymore than that? Do you know how great it was to like dress up? SO great. I will show you some pictures and you will see pure relaxation, a sparkle tan and complete happiness radiating from my soul.
Look at us. IN HEELS. I mean me. Look at me also in Helmut Lang. Which in real life I could NEVER afford. Thank you yet again Rent The Runway.
Apparently any douchebag who is any douchebag in Miami HAS to have a margarita with 2 Coronas poured into it. I was proud of B for embracing the douche 42 dollars later.
And just like that, I’m not pregnant! Amazing right? Thank you fashion. And again, thank you Rent the Runway. Have I mentioned that yet? Not having to buy maternity dresses was AHmazing.
And just to prove to you that I took your advice, I wore the slutty bikini in Miami. And dudes, compared to the 500 naked boobs we saw this was beyond no big deal. What would have been a big deal was if the pregnant lady became 502. THANK YOU B.
And then I embraced my inner Gloria Estefan Lopez Kardashian and did it UP Miami style. I did this the same night B drank his double Corona margarita, so he had no idea what was going on. You should also know I’m wearing pregnant spanx. Don’t ask, I don’t really get it either. But the dress was see through. Also it’s from Urban Outfitters and I would NEVER wear this not pregnant because it shows everything. It’s super ironic how you can show more shit when you’re pregnant because you’re supposed to be fat. It really was a great fashion time for me.
And with that I’ll end with B in a leather jacket. Because that’s normal in Miami heat. Which I hear is a sports team.
Apparently B thinks robots wear leather. I guess some do.
Now, as good and grande as our trip was. Do you know what was better? (hold your puke) Coming home to G. Seeing how incredibly happy he was to see mom and dad was like, the best thing ever. Yes, better than the eyeliner thing. He had a great time with his Nana and we owe her a million ponies and rainbows for what she did for us. But he was jumping out of his skin when we came home. (and so were we).
So that my friends is my plea to you Pregnant Women of the World. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. Because this time I knew what was ahead of me and dudes, these babies are not playing. They will take your brain and your soul for a solid 12 months.
And now I thank you for dealing with a LOT of vacation pictures. My unborn fetus promises you that there will not be ANY vacations for a very VERY long time to come. You are welcome.
xoxo
tanMODG
Hi I’m MODG. But you can call me MODG. You say it like Modg, like a Grandma name. Not like M.O.D.G. That’s a lot of syllables and I don’t have that kind of time. 
{ 69 comments }
Good for you! I’m 16 weeks pregnant (ugh..still have the nasty 1st trimester sickies even though I’m in my 2nd). Hubby & I did a cruise to AK and are taking some small trips up until our “Itty” arrives. Trying to enjoy life before everything is turned upside down. You look amazing…any super secret mommy tips?
um…get super nauseous every second of the day for 4 months? Yeah that’s my secret and in one second I would trade that experience for major fats.
Definitely going to try to talk the hubs into a babymoon now. It sounds absolutely fab. We’ll see if it will happen (it won’t). Also, you are my maternity fashion icon.
Congrats on the Babymoon. We spent a couple of days in Miami prior to our first cruise. I completely agree with your reccomendation on the babymoon, because the Miami/cruise was our first adult only vacation in 16 years!!!! So listen to her folks – do it for your sanity!!
Also the bulldog is awesome we had dinner and drinks at that restaurant !! We didn’t go during happy hour when they were 1/2 half but I think they were worth full price and you only needed 1 to get drunk! So I think really you are money ahead to spend $45 one 1 drink and not have a care in the world.
P.S. you look AMAZING!!!
Shit. Shit all the shits. Seriously. Shit. I’m at 34 weeks. And the whole pregnancy, the WHOLE thing, I have been like “Ooooo, a babymoon would be awesome,” while simultaneously being like “Barrrrrf, babymoon sounds so stupid.”
And now all I can think of is how much I wish I could be on a beach, or that I wish I had gone to a beach a month or two ago. Beach and me are enemies at the moment because of heat and a whole lot of me. So much me.
So. Shit. Shitty shit shit. And I’m glad you enjoyed your vacation. And shit.
Our baby moon will include the first born. Only because I’m due in January and hubs says we are retreating to middle-of-nowhere-mountain-town in December to avoid the Zombies that may attack December 21st.
Also, I saw Chocolate Lucky Charms. And after I said “bleh, that sounds terrible!” I added “I bet MODG would love those!” You’re welcome.
Glad you had fun! We didn’t take a babymoon with our first & with this pregnancy I wanted to but we haven’t yet & with only 5 weeks to go I don’t think we will. However, we did get back Sunday night for a FamilyMoon which was just as wonderful. We went to San Fran for 3 days & ate, ate ate & just relished in the last moments as the 3 of us because its been only 3 of us for 4 years & OMG soon there will be another one. Glad you all had fun!
Nice pics. I am pregnant and will be taking your advice, gladly.
But first, where did your get the turquoise “Gloria Estefan Lopez Kardashian” necklace? And, where did B get his sandals in the first photo? Would love to bribe my husband into wearing those.
I sooo WANT to say that the necklace is from J.Crew (because it mostly is) but I bought it from ebay. To clarify, China Ebay for 20 dollars. Jcrew sells it for 120. Please.
I am pretty sure B’s sandals are Rainbows.
MODG,
VERY generous to share that ChineseEbayJCrew tip.
Just ordered some up.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you .. just ordered.
Am I dumb? What’s Chinese Ebay?
We wish we did this with #1! We will with #2. Thanks for sharing. You look amazing!
You hit the nail right on the head. My baby boy is 6 months old and I never expected it to be this hard. I keep telling myself 6 more months of craziness, it HAS to get better once he hits ONE right? I was just complaining the other day that I never get to blow dry my hair anymore. Oh the things that are now luxuries.
I love your pictures, you are the cutest, most stylish pregnant woman I have seen.
Well done you, hot mama! So overly deserved, and without all that guilt that normally seems to encompass adult only trips. It makes us better parents, and the little people, better children. Here’s to the perfect tan to get you through the next season!
Man, you look amazing! I totally loved your reasons for the baby moon. I have to sneak treats often now that I have 2 who want what I’m eating! Best of luck on the rest of your pregnancy!
you look amazing. miami is amazing (the perfect for any trip, baby related). gloria estefan better be glad you won’t be back for a bit, because you’re giving her some major competition.
So true! We went on a babymoon (if you want to call it that – we were going to go on a trip then anyway, I just happened to be pregs, whatev). This was before our 1st baby though, so I kinda feel like I would appreciate it even more now…I’d like a post-babymoon please that 1st one was wasted on me since I had no idea what was to come!
PS – I also rocked the sexy bikini thinking I was all preggo hot, but now looking back on the pics, I just looked fat. Eh, I’ll never see those people again, but why did I post those photos all over facebook?!??
PPS – Sending some mom to mom love to you. LOVE the outfits!
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!! You in that white dress!!!! Damn girl, get it!
Ahhhhh, your babymoon sounds amazing and I’m super glad you had one but I’m totes jelly!! I never had a babymoon with either of my boys (probably the fact that my 1st son’s dad walked out when I was pregnant had something to do with that one, but no excuse for my 2nd! Curse you husband! Why didn’t we go an a babymoon!?). If I am EVER pregnant again, I will demand a kidless getaway. Having a shower alone does not count.
Of course you look totally fabulous in all your pregnant glory, definitely got the glow happening.
***2 Eat candy out in the open. Like not crouching behind the kitchen island out of baby sight. – I do this, but I am usually hiding from my husband.
You look super fabulous amazing. Good for you for taking the me/us time you needed!
You look so great in all those outfits! So awesome! I took a babymoon to Paris at the end of my 2nd trimester. It was awesome, and being preg slowed me down enough so my wife could keep up with me in all those museums and walking tours. We had to keep taking breaks for HER to rest.
We didn’t do this for our first baby, but when I was 26 weeks pregnant with #2, we went on a 5 day cruise. It was the last week I “was eligible” according to the cruise line. It was awesome to not have to feed a child, worry about where said child was hiding, etc. We spent every waking hour either in the spa (and WORKING the preggie card to get special services) or just lying in the sun…or eating. I agree 100%. It is a non-negotiable pre-baby event!
Shit. Way to post this 2 months AFTER I have the baby, MODG.
She totally watched me put on eyeliner today, too. I am so screwed.
Looks like you guys had the best time- and I love your dresses, you look amazing! I never did the babymoon thing; but they are such a good idea.
(I’m signing up for Rent the Runway NOW
Couldn’t agree more! A babymoon is one thing I wish we’d done before our dd was born
I rented the same Helmut Lang dress when I was knocked up with my second baby- it was awesome. I now have two boys under two and I have fond memories of napping/cleaning/eating/watching TV when #1 napped. FYI, after the baby is 3 weeks old, the naps never sync up. OF COURSE.
I am flabbergasted at how much taller B is than you.
we actually had someone take a picture of us in Miami solely because of our height difference. It’s probably on some porn site now.
A friend recommended your blog, and I’m loving it! You are hilarious and I want to be you (as a writer, I mean). I’m your newest follower.
well played. what if you don’t want to spend time with your husband though?
then what?
what if your wish is to have a vacation AWAY from your husband?
what would i call that?
you look pretty as a peach though.
xo
I wish I had taken a babymoon. I had no idea what this kid would take out of me! Now I live IN Miami and am thinking about taking a night to go to a hotel on the beach with the hubs! It’s 20 minutes away, but would be oh so nice.
fabulous! what a great trip. and yes, you look amazing. I just saw the necklace you are wearing with the pregnant spanx (not asking) on two different fashion sites. You are just SO IN. The first pic of you two together in front of The Tides is gorgeous (and not just because of your amazing shoes).
We never took a babymoon with our first, instead my husband went on a 5 day boys fishing trip while my pregnant ass stayed home alone. Yeah not happy about that. So if/when we have another we WILL be doing a babymoon. Actually I would love to take a postbabymoon before I get pregnant again.
P.S. You look gorgeous in those pictures. Pregnancy looks good on you!
Wow! You look amazing and refreshed:) The baby moon was just what you needed!
Babymoons may suck in the name dept but they are awesome! Hell just taking a Jen & Mike weekend instead of a mommy, daddy, & Sullivan trip is awesome. Your list is dead on. And Holy Shitballs mama, you are gorgeous!
thank you! i am 12 weeks pregnant and just sent this post to my husband with the subject line “required reading.” he’ll open it thinking it’s an article about genetic testing or something.
Damnit….seriously damnit. My husband just started a new job where vacation is ummm non existant at this point. Your pictures are amazing!!
Your are ONE HOT MAMA!!!!!!!!!!
Um. You are way hotter than any Estefan Kardashian Lopez in that last look. Way to go!
Thank you! Just discovered I’m pregnant with #2. They will be 23 months apart. My husband and I are going on a trip for nine days in August to a far away place. Like, another country far away, on the other side of the Atlantic. So nervous to leave the kiddo, but this reassures me that this will be good for everyone. Right?
DUDE, you look HOT. Jesus I hope I look half this good when I’m pregnant. Looks like you guys had a blast!
hey AManda, Love those flats!!!! WHere are they from. Looks like you had a butt load of fun in Miami! Love all the outfits you wore…and you look SUPER gorge!!
They are last year’s from Cole Haan. Those bitches saved my life with Nike Air magic.
Oh hey MODG,
Glad to see you got out while you could – nice work. In spite of my greatest intentions, it’s too late for me. And get this – husb and I didn’t even take a honeymoon when we got married! (ok, so we eloped and that’s basically like a wedding and honeymoon in one, but still…STILL) Let alone a babymoon before bebe uno, but I was determined to do SOMETHING before our second progeny makes her appearance in a week or two. Didn’t happen. So glad to see someone followed through and planned a trip. Loved the synopsis, you look hot, hold those memories close.
Later MODG,
Christa
Blerg. I’m due TODAY. If I don’t go into labor between now and Friday I’m sure I will be considered irresponsible for considering a babymoon this weekend. Double blerg.
Amen sister. We went on a babymoon when I was five months preggo and it was teh awesome. Right during that magic sweet spot after my morning sickness went away and before I got too big to eat a lot in one sitting. We went to Maine and gorged ourselves. One day I ate lobster at EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. Best vacation ever. Good on you for treating yourself!
Amen sister, Amen. You look amazing. Refreshed and totally relaxed. So glad you got to take this trip and got to enjoy time alone with the hubs. My husband was deployed last year and I just about lost my mind (for reals) raising my 18 month old son alone for 8 months. Though not quite a babymoon, we booked a trip just for the 2 of us to Napa when he returned home. I was so nervous leaving my son with my parents, who graciously watched him for 5 days. Our son never ever ever sleeps in in the morning, and is almost always up at 5 am. Needless to say, we would call on our trip and he didn’t even want to talk to us on the phone. He was so happy being with his grandparents and didn’t miss us at all
And he was also sleeping in until 7 for them. Anyways, these trips are so necessary if you can pull it off. Especially when you may not have family around to give you date nights every now and then!
OMG you look AMAZING! I took babymoons with both kiddos-HIGHLY recommended! And HOLY CRAP that white dress kardashian look-blows my mind. BEAUTIFUL!
I love everything about this post, but especially all your outfits. And you look awesome in the black bikini! Makes me want to go for the plunge and try to get pregs with number two. Being big preg in the summer is so much better than winter preg, though, with all the fun dresses, so I think I’ll wait. Plus I’m not ready to pull over to puke on the side of the road quite yet. And I need to get on my parents’ calendar to ensure babymoon babysitters. Why do people hate the word babymoon? I remember when I first heard it and thought it was GENIUS. What’s the deal with babymoon haters?
We had an amazing trip planned before I got pregnant and I informed my OB that I was going no matter what.
We are going to Fiji and I will be well into my second trimester. Late honeymoon and early babymoon.
YAY!!!!
P.S. you look absolutely gorgeous!!!
You look 100% STUNNING!!!!! Like, GLOWING beyond belief.
Gah. I’ve got a two year old that I’ve never left, and I’m 14 weeks preg, and the idea of a babymoon terrifies the happy out of me. Reading this post made me anxious. I know my hubs wants to get away, but leaving my sweet girl for the first time is panic attack inducing. I don’t know if I can do it! But I’m glad you did, and you look amazeballs.
Amanda I love your blog! And I read it often even though I never comment. And I never comment because I have two little girls who are time-sucks (18mo and 2.5years) and I’m usually cramming in blog reading at the most random times. BUT I just wanted to comment really fast to tell you that having your babies close together is AMAZING and you will love it. I always look forward to when I have a few minutes to catch up on your posts because you make me laugh so much. Thanks girl!
I know you’re all “rockin the slutty bikini” and such, but I just found this and thought of you. I don’t think you’re a sew-sy girl, but maybe you know someone who is:
http://cottonandcurls.blogspot.com/2012/06/3-in-1-diy-swimsuit-sewing-tutorial.html
First of all, from a momma who’s been around the block 13y daughter(devil spawn), 10y son (my big boy) and 2yr old (my forever baby) you WILL have wonderful, romantic kid free time again. I PROMISE. It’s sort of like a marathon, you get little drink table stops of sweet, romantic times but you can’t stop running but one day..you’ll finish that race and your wee ones will be joyful when you ditch them to go out of town for grown up time. Besides, who wouldn’t love a weekend or week being spoiled rotten every now and then! Also, they do have babysitters are resorts and my experience is they are very qualified(expensive) so even if you take the little critter with you on a fab trip, you can still get a nice evening out!
you should know that i LMFAO every time i read your blog! nicely done!
now if i only looked as hot not pregnant as you do pregnant!
Great post. I joined Rent the Runway because of your pics. Your hair looks amazing too. I am totally jealous that your hair looks perfect in hot and humid Miami, Florida. You should be a hair model.
HOLY HAIRY BALLS!!!! I never comment on your posts (though I read them all religiously and even tell my husband about a few), but I have to say, you look so effing amazing. I can’t begin to fathom how you have managed to look so preggo supermodel slim and stylish. Please share your secret. My future fat pregnant self needs to know.
Holy crap you look amaze-balls!! Should I get pregnant so I can look like that?.. Seriously though- all of your outfits are beautiful and I’m going to have to get some fab maxi dresses. Rock-on!
I’m only 10 wks pregnant, but I hope that I look half as smokin’ hot as you when I am further along!
MODG, you look SO so pretty – and I’m not just saying that!
I think this advice is very wise indeed. I’m so glad you and B got to live it up Miami style. Gloria would be proud.
xo
cortnie
You are AMAZING!! I am totally sick right now. But oh my word you make pregnant look so gorgeous and sexy. And because of you, i am now considering going supa-doops dark with my hair instead of more highlights. But then what will happen is i won’t look like you, i will look like a fatty-fat version of Elvira. I MODG!
You’re making me sad we didn’t book a babymoon. And it’s too late now.
And i’m panicking about how my life is forever going to change in two months and we will never take a real vacation again. OMG! Ok, maybe someday. But we’ll be old then.
PS. Of course you look cute in a bikini WHILE PREGNANT. Ugh. I look like a whale in a tankini. WHO WEARS THOSE?! I do apparently.
The nice part about being pregnant is that you suddenly find yourself with an excuse to do things that normally you wouldn’t do. Like stuff your face instead of talk to people. People were mingling; I was cleaning house on some tater tots and mini filet slices. It was amazing.
Holy Shit! You are the best looking pregnant girl in a bikini. Thanks for sharing your babymoon pictures…
I found your blog in the last week – oh, how glad I am! I want to know more about this necklace. I love it and need to have it, but am clueless to the website and how to find it. I ended up on a website written in Chinese and no clue how I got there!
Love this! we’re planning one now (i’m 15 wks) – how far along were you when you did miami? Trying to pick the perfect time. We’ll probably head to florida too- maybe the gulf. Thanks!
ps you look amazing and make me want to cry lol!