I’m sick again. Like with a cold. Pregnant with a cold. Vomit. Oh and speaking of vomit, I did that 19 times on Friday. When B was away in NY. I hate everyone. I hate you. I hate me. I hate B. But my problem is that I read on twitter today that it’s “don’t be a dick day”. So obviously I’m screwed. I’m not sure what happens if you are actually a dick or really who could police something like that. But every time I’m being dick-ish, I look over my shoulder for some sort of man in black in the corner. But I think even that man in black would understand that one has every right to be a dick when they have a cold and a toddler and ARE PREGNANT. Hopefully that man can explain this to B.
To B’s credit, I’m a pretty good preg. Ok that’s a huge lie. I complain constantly. BUT what is true is that I complain constantly when I’m not preg also so it’s all pretty neutral territory to him. So what do I do when I’m really REALLY sick? I have to amp that shit up. This usually ends in crying and fighting. Like, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ROLLED OVER *LOUDLY* IN YOUR SLEEP AGAIN. DON’T YOU KNOW I’M PREGNANT? or something like WHY *WON’T* YOU HAVE SNORING SURGERY TOMORROW? I NEED TO SLEEP, DON’T YOU KNOW I’M PREGNANT? And then he’s like YES AMANDA I KNOW YOU’RE PREGNANT. And I’m like. I can’t believe you would talk to me like that, DON’T YOU KNOW I’M PREGNANT?
So it’s been awesome around here.
And the awesome just exploded when we finally started the project of clearing out the guest room for G’s new big boy room. And by guest room, I mean, B’s closet and sleeping quarters when he snores. When, being always. But do you know what this REALLY means? It means I have to make room in MY closet for B. I know, right? I mean I already made room in my uterus for his unborn child and now this? What’s next? Grow him a spare liver on my face?
So as I stuffed boxes and boxes and BOXES of clothes that are like circa 2002 spandex Forever21 -I’m going to Atlantic City and may hang out with a Real Housewife- dresses (what? I totally may need those again), I forced my dick of a self to remember that I’m not making room for B in my closet, I’m making room for another person in our house. And then I panicked.
Another person in this house. Plus 2 cats. Plus a toddler. Plus a 6’4” food eating beast. Plus a dick of a preg. Well I won’t technically be preg when the new person is here, but you get it. So I did it. I did what every self respecting woman dreads…cleaning out the closet.
It took me all day. I mourned the loss of my sparkles. I cried over pencil skirts that will never see my ass again. I hugged my 4” hooker heels and kissed them goodbye. All for our new person. And B I guess.
I did this 2 days ago. And I was ready for B to be so excited. I mean it’s like my child, DVR, breathing, my clothes. So B knew this was a big deal. I was ready for his OH MY GOD AMANDA THIS IS SO WONDERFUL AND I CAN’T WAIT TO MOVE IN reaction. And his WOW AMANDA YOU ARE SUCH A WONDERFUL WIFE WHO DID SUCH HARD LABOR WHILE PREGNANT reaction. I needed it.
Because my closet is small. See? And I had to clear out a whole shoe rack. Sigh… and the third of the closet you can’t see.
He hung up a pair of pants.
A PAIR OF PANTS.
My fashion history packed away and gone for a pair of pants that he probably borrowed from someone working at Target.
So you’re thinking…Ok, well maybe he didn’t have time to fill the closet. Maybe he was working on G’s new big boy room?
Here’s our progress on that:
Go ahead, pin it. You know you’re dying over the amazing design ness of it all.
But I suppose it will be hard to do much to the room since I’ll be sleeping there for the foreseeable future. Because I hate everyone. And my hips hurt. And I’m stuffy. And B snores too much. AND I’M PREGNANT.
At least my blow up tiger understands me.
Learn from this my friends. Don’t be a dick today. Unless you should be. Then go for it. And share with me how you are doing your part to be a giant dick.
Don’t be a Dick Day was brought to you by my super friends at the Cloth Diaper Outlet. I promise you I will be using these bitches when I need some new diaps for Yoshe. They have every kind under the sun and great deals. They also do a really good job of explaining all the different terminology behind the mystery that is cloth diapering. It’s a super great resource for newbies or veterans of the cloth world.
AND then buy old cloth diapers for store credit. That to me is definitely worth a peek.
For any order over $49 with the code “freediaper”, they’re giving away both a free diaper cover (our most popular brand) and a free prefold. Promo is good anywhere in the world. Go forth and cloth.