Let’s all be honest. A year ago we were not baking bread from scratch. We were not making casserole’s that taste like pizza with 1 calorie. We were not stock piling pumpkin filling to make every fall festive cookie in existence. Our outfits were just ok. And we didn’t know how to make homemade kitchen cleaner that turns your kitchens into stainless steel robots. No. We were much more regular then. Like living life making chicken and not wearing sock buns. My friends, things have changed. This is the Pinterest generation.
And I’m about to tell you about my best Pinterest life event ever.
THE MAKEUP TABLE.
FROM THE GODS. (yes that’s mine)
Now to a regular person, you go to a store, and buy a makeup table and it’s done. But I am married to B. B buys generic tape. I stand on my toilet to see my outfits because we don’t have a mirror. So this was not only a huge deal, it was a huge campaign.
But I have to start by giving credit to this site, which I found, via Pinterest. And I will tell you that I put more time and effort into this than I did into creating this baby. But that is another story.
This was all done through Ikea and Michaels for a grand total of 87 dollars. That includes all the cases, shelving, mirror and stool. And it’s bomb. Yes, I said 1999 Bomb.
Oh do I wish I had a before picture for you. But surprise, I didn’t take a picture of the shit hole in my bathroom that used to store the stacks of dirty Nars containers and hairy brushes that I never clean. So imagine a pile of shit. Then put lipstick on it. Then throw it next to B’s body hair trimmer and generic mouthwash.
So when I saw this I knew I was doing it. Well, B was doing it and I said I would do what it took to get B to do it. Yes, you’re thinking correctly. I went and got the shit myself at Ikea and threatened to pregnant cry.
But friends. I didn’t stop at the table. I wanted it to be beautiful. I never know what the F I have in my containers. None of them are clear so every morning I guess at what colors go on my face. No more.
I scraped all of my eye shadows out of their containers and put them into these tiny plastic containers that came in these cute little boxes from Michael’s. They are meant to store beads. Like seed beads. Like that nonsense you were into for 10 minutes when you were 13.
Yes ALL of them. And you’re like WAIT so you don’t know what color is Beachy Ball Blue and what color is Bankrupt Bang-cock? No. And I also don’t know what is Chanel and what is Wet and Wild. And I like it that way. It’s like the great equalizer. My eye shadow represents society. Think about THAT.
But then I was like. Well, this is going to be a mess. B is going to give me shit every time he sees a little Princess Palace Pink on the floor. I need to do something BETTER.
So I googled it up and watched a few Asians on You Tube teach me how to make pressed eye shadows from the scraped up mess that I now had. And I’m going to tell you how. And before you say it, yes I had this much time on my hands. It was important. You’d make time to rescue a kitten from a burning tree wouldn’t you? Same.
Here is what you need for the project:
you’re so intrigued right? Dirty underwear and a quarter? I definitely found this sort of thing in the streets of Penn State on a Sunday morning. Stay with me for the magic. And yes, that’s my underwear before the project. I do in fact poop rainbow circles.
Ok so you need, rubbing alcohol, tweezers, a dropper bottle to fill with the alcohol NOTE: THROW IT OUT WHEN YOU ARE DONE IF YOU USE ONE THAT SAYS EYE STUFF OR BABY STUFF OR WHATEVER. You may not reuse it but the nanny, grandma, dumb husband may shoot that shit up the baby’s nose. Throw it out. You also need, a blunt object (end of a mixing spoon), cotton fabric and a quarter.
The sick part is the scraping out of your tins. Lay down a BIG towel, lock the door from your husband and dig that shit out with tweezers. Dump it in your containers. It takes forever. Watch a wedding show twice while you do it. Again, lock the door.
Once all the pigments are dumped, do this
Now, do that a billion times with all of your eye shadows. You don’t have a life. You watch wedding shows twice. You’re fine.
Then, after all of your hard hard work. You have THIS:
And they are so beautiful you could cry.
And now, NOW you are ready to load up your makeup table that your husband just finished drilling into the wall and waking up your toddler to do. BUT YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT’S ALL YOURS.
And you have so many colors and choices and options that you can do this every day now
It’s ALMOST like you live in a Nordstrom’s. All of the sources are listed and update on the site I originally credited. Check here for everything. I wish I could hug this woman for bringing such joy into my life.
I guess I should hug B too.
After I hug my eyeshadow.