I’m going to start by telling you that this post took me TWO weeks to put together in 15 minute chunks. There was no toilet opportunities available.
Now, I’m going to be honest. I’ve been replacing my eating awesome foods with shopping for awesome jeans. However I usually return the jeans. There is no returning the nutella pretzels. Well, outside of my special toilet time circa Norovirus 2013, there is no returning the nutella pretzels. Anyway, my loss is your gain because I am now the reigning expert on skinny jeans for the post preg body.
As you know, this is part 2. Part 1 is here and I just didn’t feel that my job was complete. I now feel as though I have conquered and can share my knowledge of the denim world with all of you.
I’ll go over my rules again.
I was looking for skinny jeans that:
1) didn’t make me look short and wide
2) didn’t cut me off at muffin top rd. and South.
3) were comfortable enough to run around with 2 kids
4) didn’t stretch out by 12 noon
One more honesty nugget: Trying on jeans after a major virus, is a little bit more fun. You’re down at least 1 jean size. Moving on.
SO many of you told me to check out American Eagle for jeans. So I had to add that to the list. However, I refused to go into the actual store. Don’t ask me why. I have no problem trotting my 32 year old ass into a store where I am clearly not “Forever21″, but for some reason I can’t get down with the middle schoolers at AEO. So I ordered online. I ordered the pairs that were hi-rise and stretch.
This is the hi rise super skinny. Ok at first, I liked these. They weren’t THAT hi rise, but whatever. And the length was good. However I did order a “short”. Please remember that I’m 5’2”. One thing I’ve found though is that “short” sizes usually make for a smaller inseam as well. I need the regular people inseam for my longerish torso. So I put them in my exchange pile for a regular length. I decided in the end to just return them. They were just ok and stretched out a bit as I wore them.
Meet, the Forever21 Stretchy Hi Rise jean for 24.80. These are so awesome. First, don’t wear them like this picture. Wear them like a normal person with a shirt over the waist. But they are a mix between pants and jeans, with good stretch. If you are between sizes, get 1 size up. If you are a true whatever size, get that size because they stretch, but not as much as the AE jeans. Worth it. Get them. Thank me.
Another fan favorite was the Paige Skyline jeans. Now my criteria for designer denim is way more fierce. I want to look like a Britney 1999 poster. The rise was not high. Like not at all. They cut in and I wanted to vom. Remember, I’m 5’2” so if the rise isn’t high enough on me, it’s really not high. I need to tuck that shit away. Trust. These were a big no.
So I went back to the Gap. I tried on the legging skimmer jeans, the printed legging jeans, other colors of legging jeans and these my friends are the only ones that I can truly stand by. I even ordered them in a smaller size and they are the ones I go back to every day. I really REALLY dislike the other cuts of Gap jeans right now. They are frumpy and not cute. But these my friends are really great. I promise you. They don’t stretch out and they are always cute. They are denimy enough to not look like pajama jeans and the color is flattering. BIG endorsement. Order a size down if you are between sizes. I wear the regular length.
These are the 2nd AE jeans that I bought. At first I was like, total keeper. These are the hi rise Jegging jean. I even took the tags off. I wore them all day. By the end of the day, the knee could hold sandbags and I was yanking them up my crotch. NONONO. I packaged them back up and took them into the store to return without tags. That was commitment my friends. Right in there with the middle schoolers.
Since I had returned 40 things with my Nordstrom’s gift card, I decided to bite the bullet and order the awesome AG jeggings. I got them, I tried them, I wore them and I “liked” them. I’ll be honest, they are seriously just cotton leggings made to look like jeans. And definitely not worth 200 dollars. So I returned them. I liked so many cheaper ones almost as much and felt like more of a respectable human in actual pants in the others. Surprise. Expensive isn’t always better (just usually).
Ok people, this is a serious home run. Lots of you were like, please check Forever21. I’m in that store like at least once a week, but I never tried on the denim because 1) I’m a snob and 2) I thought I’d have to wear a size 14 in that store. Dudes, I was so wrong. These jeans are ELEVEN DOLLARS. I wore my actual size and they are super cute on. Now I will say, after washing, they look a little wrinkly and sad. But a quick iron later, they are super. And usually I don’t even care enough to iron. These are gray and sometimes they have blue, just not now. But look for ones that say stretch and again, are ELEVEN DOLLARS.
I was emailed from the fine folks at Urban Outfitters, notifying me that their BDG jeans were on super duper sale. So I ordered these off of your rec’s. I really wanted a color and I liked this dried period color. They came and they laughed at me. They were like…wait…THESE are your legs? Where are the rest? They are SOOOO long. Now to be fair, many come in lengths. These did not. And they were so long that even a cute cuff or a roll was a joke. They rise is also way too high. Which I haven’t said yet. I would like to try the regular kind in lengths though.
Now my FINAL evaluation of the ultimate skinny jeans for the post mom body without looking like a mom:
NUMBER ONE) Gap Legging jean. No other Gap jean. The legging (non skimmer) jean is your go to. I promise.
2) I’m going to say it: Forever 21 jeans. Reasoning is a combination of price and fit.
I feel like we should really take into consideration price because after babies, our bodies change and we won’t be in these denim sacks forever. Eventually we’ll be the hotness again. So get yourself 1 pair of Gap legging jeans and then go to F21 and get a ton of shitty colored zippered clown face printed jeans to be cool.
And with that my friends. The skinny jean quest is over.
And now the shoes….