F balls you guys. F balls.
I have unwillingly found myself in cryitoutsville. Alone. Well, G is here. But he’s pitiful at emotional support.
I know you’re asking, how on earth are you unwillingly doing cry it out with a baby? Babies are not smart. They can’t run shit.
So here’s what’s going on. My life for the past 5 months with this one and sleep has been her waking up after 30 minutes of sleep and me or B (when he’s not with his girlfriend) running in with the paci. If after 3 paci re-inserts she is still screaming, I nurse her again or rock her until she falls into deeper sleep. It’s f-ing awful. The interesting part is that she does better with B re-plugging because he has milkless boobs (I think). So she knows that it’s paci or a mouth full of hairy nothing.
But here I am, home alone without the milkless boobs. And queen R is NOT ok with me paci-ing her. So I rock her, I nurse her, I oh so ever gently and gingerly place her into her crib and sneak out.
Finally I had no choice. The child has to cry. I can’t do it anymore. I’m home alone with a toddler and bag of scream. So she cries. And then eventually she sleeps.
And then I’m like…well, she just sort of put herself to sleep. I have to work with this. She’s learning and I can’t turn back. I have to go with it. So I’m here on day 4 of CIO. Now to the fellow hippies in this piece, I’m going in her room every few minutes with the “It’s ok, I’m here, you’re doing a good job” nonsense. I don’t want her to think I abandoned her. Because you know, babies know about paci’s, Sophie the giraffae and child abandonment.
We did a gentle CIO with G back in the day and I needed B here to tell me to keep going, it’s ok. He’s learning. blahblahblah. But I’m doing this on my own people. ONMYOWN. I’m knee deep in the red wine just trying to remember to change my underwear for the day. And also hoping that my child will not resent me for this and write Taylor Swift complainy songs about her ambigous mother who let her cry as a baby.
I am working with a super awesome sleep lady who writes a blog that I have read more than once by the blue nightlight of the nursing chair at 4am. I’m going to write some posts for her and she’s going to help Ruby act right. Thank the jesus for her because B is busy with his girlfriend and G is busy with his 55 digger trucks. At least someone is my rock. You know, people on the internet. My only friends.
I wish I could end this post for you by saying….and then it all worked and yay all is well in the MODG house.
But I’m dead smack in the middle of this nightmare. I hate it. Ruby hates it. But I want the child to get better, more restorative sleep than 20 minutes per nap and need 5 paci inserts and 3 nursing sessions to sleep. It’s not fair to her to not have good sleep, it’s not fair to B to have to run in that room 5 times a night and it’s not fair to the beast next door who was the prize winner of at 14.99 box fan to drown out Ruby’s crying. Poor thing don’t me he doesn’t like Ruby Crying at night. He also told me he doesn’t like kiwis. So we’ll work with that information.
Keep us in your thoughts. Whether you cried it out in your house or you held your baby for ever nap until they were 15, we’re all trying to do the best we can for our babies. Even when we eat cookies crouched behind a couch so we don’t have to share with any toddlers. IT’S THE BEST WE CAN DO.
I informed B that it’s Mother’s Day shortly and that he needs to remember that I am a hard ass working mother. You are too. I know because I read your comments. This is what you want for mother’s day. Trust. Adorn512 sent me a rose gold one with an R and a G and I’m obsessed. I wear it every single day. I’m obsessed with rose gold right now. I was going to take a picture and post it but I literally can’t move after the day I’ve had. I love Dana who runs the store as well. See here
But even better, she is giving away one of these heart necklaces to a lucky commenter…
I will pick a winner from the comments of this post. I usually just use the randomizer. Usually. So leave regular comments and not asshole ones. Always.
Love and Lust.