January 20, 2012

Wishing for The Nothing.

Pin itYou don’t want them in in your oatmeal, in your pillow in your fat on your butt or in your breasts. And I found one. A lump. And not in any of the stupid examples I just gave. In the important one. And I froze. It’s every woman’s worst nightmare. And I knew. I [...]

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January 18, 2012

Guessing the goverment probably won’t be cool with doing important things like your mom.

Pin itSOPA is basically a ton of balls. No one wants that. Internet piracy is bad. But this isn’t the way to solve it. Government controlled internet would essentially be the loss of free thought, speech and cat videos. And we all need cat videos. Watch this video to educate yourself. This is the scariest [...]

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January 16, 2012

The 6 foods that get me through a diet. Fine, one is booz. Whatever.

Pin itNow that I’m the winner of So You Think You Can Dance: Blog Edition, I’ll be holding dance class in my living room once every never. Stop by. So here’s my update for everyone on The Project: I’m working my way though my workout dvd collection. I’m taking the philosophy of P90x and ghetto-izing [...]

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January 11, 2012

You don’t even need to buy Tracy Anderson’s Cardio Dance DVD. Just watch mine. MIRROR IMAGE.

Pin itI will tell you that I currently need adult assistance to do things like sit onto the toilet, picking up a tissue and thinking about math. All of those things hurt. The soreness that is radiating through my body seems disproportionate to the workouts that I actually did. This is how I know I [...]

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January 9, 2012

The 5 warning signs that you need to get off of your no longer pregnant but maybe pregnant with a ghost baby ass and exercise.

Pin itToday was day 1 of  Project:-lose-the-baby-weight-because-now-i-have-a-one-year-old-and-its-sort-of-shameful-to-still-have-baby-weight-and-from-certain-angles-look-2-months-pregnant-and-there-are-only-so-many-times-i-can-hide-it-with-a-maxi-skirt. Background: You should know that I have the opposite of that disease that eating disorder girls have. You know the one where they look in the mirror and see a big fatty but really they are like skeletor? Yeah. I look in the mirror and I’m like, damn [...]

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